Player Comments on Attack on the Castle

Sigh.
The writing wasn't exactly what I would call bad, but I noticed a lack of detail. Detail is really what makes a storygame a storygame, and I felt this just needed more to be fully fleshed out.

The plot itself was decent. Many parts didn't make sense, like in Raven's comment it was stated that the warning probably would have been received sooner in the situation.

One of the things that really got me was a dead link. These are really annoying and it makes no sense to have it, and you should really fix this problem.

Like I said, the writing isn't bad, but the story felt rushed, like the author felt there was some sort of thing that forced them to publish it as soon as possible. Spend more time on your storygames.

After a while I found myself bored. This storygames plot and development could really be fleshed out better with some kind of scripting.

Well, I guess i'll go ahead and give this a 2/8. Not the worst, but spend more time on it.

The story was short, and I didn't get the point at all. There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but not too many. The story was confusing and felt rushed, as if you gave up and put in a random ending. Never give up on a story, and if you do, don't make a bad ending and put it out. If your unsure whether you want to do the story, sleep on it. If you still feel like you want to make the story, do it. If not, don't do and find another topic to do.

Some things that don't make sense.

First, when me, as the princess, was having a meeting, why did I get the warning late? Seriously, when the villagers started rioting, the soldiers should have been alerted and the king would be quickly informed. Why did I get warned once fire

Well... unless the villagers had a some sort of plan, this doesn't make sense.

Y'know... "Fire! Men from the village are destroying everything!"

Such fires and anarchy should have been heard or seen from a far distance, so everyone in the castle should have got notified sooner.

And suddenly... villagers are inside the castle...

Maybe you should add details why all the sudden surprises happened.

Is it because the villagers managed to sneak inside and make a surprise attack? Or what? There must be a clever plan behind all of it.

If not, then all of it wouldn't make sense.

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Regarding the reason why the villagers rioted, one of them is due to the princess marrying a prince from Venturias -- a conqueror kingdom.

Umm... logically, it's a good thing. Because your kingdom will be allied to Venturias, which is a powerful ally. Then why are they getting angry?

Make up more reasons, please. Maybe because Venturias has a lot of enemies, so the kingdom will engage in bloody battles that it can't endure due to lack of manpower or something, so a lot of people will be conscripted for it.

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Writing-wise, the others have pointed them out. So I point out the other factors.

Hey, not bad for a first try. I'd say keep improving! ;)

Poor

This was... (inserts adjective). Firstly, the difficulty shows 1, while you almost lose in every way. Secondly, there's a link which goes on and on and on and never gets you to the throne room, which wastes both time and the author's efforts.
The writing was great, and this was a great plot. So if this wasn't a choose your own story, it probably would have been better. I think you have to make options more useful and affects the story more... okay, actually, the options affect the story too much. One wrong option and... you die. Some better changes would be when you choose the wrong option, the story continues and you can go back on the right way with other options further on, unless you keep choosing the wrong ones.
Other than everything I listed, they story is good, the characters are good, the background is good and the main idea is good. :D

Awfully small and unoriginal, you can't even save Ur family

Needs more detail. I love the concept, though.

It was way to short

I seem to get stuck in a loop when I reach the option to enter the throne room after waiting for the right time. While the premise is quite intriguing, and there are a fait number of reasonable options, they usually end quite abruptly.

Wow. This story is rather depressing. The total lack of detail leaves half of the story up to your imagination, so you don't even really know any backstory or anything. The plot is also rather confusing. The game escalates super quickly, and, quite frankly, your character isn't even important in the grand scheme of things. Definitely a 2 or 3 out of 8. Needs work.

I would love to see this game fleshed out a bit. There was something about that hooked me and had me wanting to see more. WIth more background and extending the length, I think this could become one of the better storygames on this site.

Your story is amazing but needs more detail

its a bit boring

its goood

My kids enjoyed it but got me killed.

It was fine. Sometimes some odd choices of words. Also, one or two dead-ends. But a good storygame.

If you can write like this, but develop the characters a bit more, then you've got yourself a better game!

I think that It had a lot of potential, but way too short. Good writing, just very short.

It's not poorly written, but the characters are undeveloped, and links are broken. It's a very mediocre story game, but that's a lot better than many of the others on here.

"You wake up to light pouring in through a window."
I guess I'm waking up from the light from the downstairs window.

"With two hours to spare you walk out your door."
So I've got two hours to do purely nothing. Fun.

"All the nurses and medical staff seem to be missing."
What kind of a medical wing is this? For the dead and decaying?

"Maybe some fresh air in the village would be nice."
Open up the window. Boom, fresh new oxygen from the village trees. Ahh.

There's a broken link, well...um...*aggressively tries to end the game*
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The quality that I recieved from this was around 2/8...you can do better. I see potential.

Save for a broken link or two, I enjoyed this immensely. This was very well-written, in my opinion.

Pretty good storygame, if a bit short.
There is a broken link for "Enter the Room" then, "Stay in the Throne Room"