Player Comments on Could YOU be a pilot in WW1?

It's a nice idea, with the potential of further development. Also, being the first story of the author, it's quite OK.

I have mixed feelings about this. I do enjoy the historical accuracy, but it has no creativity in it. The pages/ choices are plentiful (it is a linear gauntlet style of storygame), but the descriptions were very robotic and not really story driven. It read almost like a test. This is happening. Do you choose A or B?

I can tell you are passionate about the subject. The various links and effort put into the manuals and tips shows that. However, there is no personality to it. You need to add your own style to the writing.

Technically, there really isn't much wrong with the story, it just falls short in the creative writing part of these.

Pretty exciting. The history and images add context and also interest me. I'll have to check out more about WWI pilots.

Well it's safe to say I could not be a pilot in WW1. I died over and over again. Felt a bit like a history lecture. Would have been nice to explore more about my co-pilots (and my dancing-partner-turned-wife)! They were hardly mentioned... The decisions felt mechanical in nature, and some of them seemed like random deaths (ie, bank hard right, right, hard left, left, etc). I opened but barely skimmed the manuals; maybe there was an explanation for my many, many fails in there. For a first story game, a good effort... I didn't rate high, but I'll keep an eye out for your future stories. Would be interested in reading something similar with a more personal touch.

I love it!

Nothing special, but nice :)

Final rating: 3/8
Initial thoughts: I don't know why I'm going to bother writing any of this. Judging by the rating right now, it's not going to stay up.

***spoilers?***

There's no way to sugarcoat this. The story is just... boring. It feels like some sort of convoluted way to trick a kid into reading a WWI history book. I'm really into history and stuff but this had me bored within the first two pages. Your writing style is simple and droning. It reminds me of a teacher that has lost all interest in their subject and just wants to go home to a shitty apartment and unhealthy amount of stray cats. There is no real hook, no plot to be interested in, nothing. You get in plane, you fly plane, you barely survive or you die. The only unique element is the woman you meet. How unique and interesting. Does finding this woman somehow unlock more to the story and suddenly introduce the romantic subplot the writer was actually writing about, but didn't want to directly commit to so hid under the guise of a boring history lesson? No? what a shame.

The use of variables was alright. The manual for the different planes was a good idea, I'll give it that. With my options almost always being only two choices where I either live or die, I found it so useful. And the piloting advice paper I randomly got that contributed absolutely nothing? fantastic. A parachute right at the end that leads to a barely alive ending? hell yeah. Just what I've always wanted.

ALSO SIDE NOTE! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE YOUTUBE LINK?! You have it on one page twice. As if I wanted to stop reading all these boring words to go watch a video about the topic you are trying to educate me on. Like COME ON! You are writing an educational story, so FUCKING EDUCATE ME! Don't just pass off the educational part to some random guy on Youtube.

The ONLY saving grace for this story was that it was slightly informational. I guess knowing what each different plane's strengths and weaknesses were is interesting. Didn't look too hard at the grammar, but I'm sure it was alright since I would remember any drastic issues.

it was alright

really really good

A little short, but pretty good.

Nah, I won't be nice with my ratings, but I'll go nice with the review instead.

The main problem these WW1/ww2 storygames have is not even the lack of research (I'm not an expert, but the info seems allright), it's the way how it's delivered, very dryly, like a history textbook or some rambles from a Paradox gamer.

You really need to treat it as any regular kind of story. Give the pilot stakes, character motivations, loved ones, the whole package. The reason why fighter pilots in this era are interesting is that it was the one of the few branches in the army that still retained a sense of pre great war heroism amongst their ranks, which was juxtaposed with the high mortality rate. Think of the zeitgeist of this era. It would make a great character arc to have the main character struggle with these two things.

Plus, you could have leaned in on the fact that you played as a GERMAN soldier. No mentions of burning nationalism and such? I also find it very funny that the ending was so triumphant about your survival considering what happens afterwards with Germany losing and lots of veterans being listless and hopeless. I wished that you delved a little more into the aftermath.

Tldr: it's not only about the dogfights, it's about the people inside the airplanes. You got down your research, now you just have to humanize this conflict.

I would have given this a three for at least having a solid plot and choices, but both your personality and your description pissed me off and therefore you get a one.

I had mainly clicked this to tsk at the author for "Pliot", because not getting as far as proofreading your title has to be done kind of minor achievement. But this is a decent little historical/educational game and first effort.

It really could've been fleshed out more as being a WWI Pliot surely was a thrilling and often frightening experience, and the writing here is pretty sparse on details. Maybe a section about training would've been interesting too, you could've introduced other historical pilots that way, and I'm sure it would give the main character a bit more personality to focus on how it felt to be trained for the first use of flying machines in warfare, and the dangers they knew they would face.

I'm also not sure what the point was of having the player click on Germany like they're making a choice, but then having that be the only option.