Player Comments on Cross-breeding

One choice. End.

Why....

The whole story idea is a piece of crap much less the actual writing

Extremely stupid

I thought this would fit into the "Gross Hilarious Fetish Porn" catergory. You dissappointed me, and you didn't even let me go find a whore intown. There is no middle finger in the world that is big enough to accurately represent half of the amount of "You really, really suck at this, and I hate you, and you should feel bad." that is demanded of this story.

the **** is this pice sh*t doing on this site this "writer" (AS IF HE OR SHE CAN BE CALLED THAT ) insults us with THIS THING the "writer" sh*t out and tossed on the site

This was, in a word, awful. I am not entirely sure why it is still on the site, to be perfectly honest with you. Now, I would like to say that I'm not trying to be mean, but this is a writing site and there are standards here.

First off, the "weak spider" link, as an automatic game-over, is one of the laziest things I have ever seen and that is really saying something. Honestly, this is not a choose your own adventure at all. You herd the reader into the one possible real ending under threat of instant game overs and the single ending just kills you anyway.

Next, I can overlook a few errors here and there, but your spelling is genuinely unacceptable. I understand being eager to finish and slipping up with a word like "boyfreind" because it happens to the best of us. I can understand slipping up by omitting a single letter like "maries" ... but "butiful" tells me you're not even trying. The editor has a spell-checker and there is really no excuse for this.

Your spacing is unpleasant, particularly on the first page. No one wants to read a large, unbroken block of text, but no one wants to scroll for an hour between sentences, either. One line between paragraphs is adequate, two lines between a paragraph is acceptable, but you've got about 5 (at the least) between two sentences.

You should always capitalize proper names like Alixia and Vannon, and I'd strongly advise putting speech in "quotes."
Your punctuation leaves a lot to be desired because you stretch out some sentences far too long.

For example:
"You set out to find a human mate, while crawling and swinging around, you see a shy girl in the forest, she is cute, 16, has blond long hair that covers one of her eyes, and is wearing cute pink clothes, and she is tallish."

Would look much nicer like this:

"You set out to find a human mate. While crawling and swinging around, you see a shy girl in the forest. She is cute, sixteen, has blond long hair that covers one of her eyes, is wearing cute pink clothes, and she is taller than average."

By the way, when describing someone, as opposed to giving a bio or factoids about them, I recommend following actual thought patterns. Like so:

Do you automatically know the specific age for everyone you see? No? No. You can't know what it is unless they tell you. You can guess, though. "She appears to be around sixteen or so." "She looks like she's in her mid-to-late teens." "I'd guess she's at least older than fifteen." All of those would've sounded more natural.

The story itself sounds like it had the potential to be interesting, but I honestly don't understand what's going on. Why am I a spider who mates with female humans? Am I a demon? Am I a spirit? Am I a magical talking spider? Am I tiny or am I a giant?

Unfortunately there is no back-story, no depth, and no real detail. This is a colorless little world, closed off in all directions, and it's sadly very boring as a result.

FAZZ! WE NEED YOU! NOT IN A GAY WAY!

What.

Is this even a story? My experience lasted like 4 pages with like 7 options

Why am I such an interest on this site all of a sudden? All I do is write comments on storygames, Lol. Although I suppose I can write pretty good, considering English isn't my mother-tongue, I'm not as creative as many of the other members on this site. That also really affects my writing style, I guess you could call it.

...

But like I've said before, I will join one day. That day will come pretty soon.

P.S. Checked out the forum game you were talking about. Seems pretty complicated, but also really hyped for... that also explains all the "Commander" image banner things I've been seeing on other accounts.

FAZZ, GODDAMNIT JUST JOIN ALREADY, WE NEED YOU!!!

Plus, as a gift for joining, I'll let you join Team Aman! (There's a forum game called Commander, you'd know about it if you had an account and went on the forums)

Huh? That's like the fifth person to suggest that I should make an account.

:7

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh...... what...?

da fuk is this?

The title suggested something interesting. I was expecting mad scientist making crazy hybrids, but instead I got... whatever this is.

Incredible. 8/8

WTF did I just read and where can get the 90 seconds of my life wasted back?

Okay, now, before I go any farther, can I just say that I am not an expert in this field.

Okay, you see, in biology, certain...animals can't mate with each other. Maybe this is too complicated for you so I'll say it simply, a spider, can not mate with a human. Now, aside from the fact this may or may not contain some Ephebophilia, the plot is just plain wired. And the sentences are strangely placed around, plus you used parentheses.

Delete...delete...delete. DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! DELEEEEEEEEEEETE!

On a more serious note, Fazz really should just make an account. I would gladly welcome him/her to the site as long as he/she doesn't pollute the site with shit like this.

That was the most linear thing ever. Even more linear than my experiment. I would have never thought someone could do worse than my experiment. Although, at least your grammar wasn't as bad. I won't have to rewrite anything. Anyway, if this is serious, well, you really shouldn't write stories if you know you are bad. That was just... horrible. Like, seriously. Ew.

... Well at least it makes a change from kitty porn >.<

This story seriously touched my heart. It gave me a different perspective on life and made me think about all the choices I've made up until now. The way the characters were developed throughout each arc was terrific and the choices presented were extremely satisfying. This is a piece of art that I shall treasure for the rest of my life.

Seriously though, this game was shit. -8/8

No worries, Chris. One day, perhaps.

Why? Why would someone want to read this?

After reading this, I have no hope left for humanity. Better go watch some CollegeHumor.

Fazz, make a fucking account man! You could be on the forums and all that stuff!

It actually is pretty depressing the least I could give this was a 1.

*sigh*.

First of all, this particular story does not have an initial plot, or any plot/plot elements what so ever. The fact is, the only part of plot this storygame would best have would be the exposition, but even that is terrible. The only thing this storygame tells us is the fact that the protaganist is a spider and must impregnate a Human, for reasons unknown. Why is the spider on this mission? How the hell is that even possible?

*Thinks about it and cringes*

I can see your efforts at trying, in the very least, to make somewhat of a plot, but in the end, it really falls flat and leaves some plot holes and questions to the reader, and usually, in a storygame, you want to keep the question-asking to the very minimal at best.

This storygame had no real plot, or any real story elements, really. I personally cannot think of this as a game, either, since none of these choices really make a difference. Seriously, let's be honest here. The only real choices that advanced this game in the slightest were "strong spider" and "pick the girl in the woods", which is really why I felt this was abrupt and rocky. Anything else would end the game immediately. "Anything else", for your information, would be best defined in this game's context as "Every other goddamn choice".

And for the record, after picking the girl in the woods, some "guard" shoots you and you die. That ends the game right there and then. Who is this guard dude, anyway? Why is there a security officer in the woods? How the hell do you shoot a spider? Why would a security officer decide to shoot a spider? Why does a spider define a woman he's hitting on as a "whore"? Why is this in the "Fantasy Adventure" section? Shouldn't it be in the "Romance/Dating" one?

This entire storygame is literally made up of plotholes.

In the end, all I can say is I really don't think this was meant to be published.

1/8. We got a poorly-written "story""game", which had no real story, or game, elements embedded; which was littered in plotholes and unanswered questions; with a very flat and linear texture; and as at least, what, 4-5 pages long if I can remember correctly.

I suggest not continuing this if you aren't planning on listening to the community's advice and fixing it up. Just because you added more pages doesn't mean you added much more.

Okay, umm, why did a guard just show up out of nowhere and waste a round of ammunition on a spider?

Aside from that, this game is still a major piece of shit. You obviously didn't put any effort into it, and I'm actually kinda sad that the lowest I can give the game is a 1. But, hey, I got a free point.

*High fives Chris back silently*

*High fives Slasher*

I didn't know MissVillainous and coolgirl17 had a baby.

I don't like spiders. This is bad. It doesn't make any sense. And I'm not sure why anyone on the site still hasn't ripped on it for being complete shit.