Player Comments on Discovering Solinelia Island: Chapter 1

This has a nice setup and a nice first page that really helps set the setting for the story. It is clearly expositional, but I think that works quite well on this page and this story. Sometimes that is just the best way to get the message across to the reader! I like the preparation and I’m not scared because an attack is clearly coming.

The descriptions on the different pages are quite engaging. I really like how you describe what’s happening and I do feel like I’m part of the story. I like the choices, even when the choices don’t appear to have a lot of an effect on the story itself. I even liked that some of the end story options gave me another chance. The way that was worded was nice.

Minor complaints: there were a lot of spaces between paragraphs on some pages, and that was annoying. There was a place where the font changed size and style a couple times that was distracting, too. I’m not completely sure why there were not zombie kitten smoothies in the story.

Packing my bag was fun and entertaining, too. I’m not sure that actually worked – I mean, I don’t think it had any effect. Perhaps that could have been enhanced with items or with variables to show what you’ve packed in your bag? Either way, this was a neat story with lots of potential. I’d love to see more of your writing and a chapter 2 some day.

I quite enjoyed this story. The beginning held a number of run on sentences and lack of spacing between dialogue, but by the middle of the story, you seemed to have fixed both of these problems. There were a small amount of spelling and grammar errors other than those mentioned, but not very many.

There could have been a lot more detail, especially about the fight with the dragon. The story in general seemed a little rushed. It also would have been nice to see some character development other than just winning the fight. The story almost seemed to play like a demo, rather than a part I to a story.

Overall, there were some funny moments and some good writing, but lots of flaws that I'm sure can be fixed. 5/8

This game is breezy and fun. Gets humorously meta in places. I did think the notion of cramming all the characters' dialogue into one paragraph could lead to confusion in readers, but I was mostly able to keep up. Still waiting for the zombie kittens because I'm sure they'll be ADORABLE! I liked the option of packing different supplies for the upcoming quest. Only wish the game hadn't ended so abruptly.

Sorry about the nickname, but I think that you should have the character encounter first meet a monster or a compromising situation and THEN end on a cliffhanger if you really insist to do it that way. However, the writing was fabulous and exactly my style :)

humorous. Like to see what's to come.

I would like to see more of this story all in one game.

it is a good game

great thanks

This was a great 'Part 1' of a story, it set the tone well and let you know what you should be expecting from later installments.

That being said, I really don't like broken up stories that have no conclusion, you feel like you are getting an idea of the world, characters and story then suddenly get told it is over until the next installment which may be soon or... never, which has happened all too often on CYS.

Overall a great start, but maybe when you have part 2 ready, join them up into a single story rather than two small separate segments.

Shut down as soon as it got real. :( come on, it's mean to leave people hanging like that.

More please

Great

It was AWESOME! Make more!!!!!!

*Shrugs* I enjoyed it more than most but less than some.

A few spelling errors strewn about but it wasn't noticeably bad. Also it seems to be unfinished.

Made me laugh a tiny bit. Some spelling errors here and there but is was pretty decent. Keep working on this and put time and effort, then it should become a solid story.

People tend to be disappointed when you publish something that isn't finished yet. If you're still working on the story, don't put it up yet. That's what sneak preview is for.

(Also, it's a bad idea to have a death link in the first set of choices, but I like that you gave us a go back, not just an end game.)

Overall, this shows promise. Keep working on it.

GREAT STUFF!
Shorter paragraphs, too much space between dialogue. Otherwise,amazing and engaging, is there a sequel?

Great story, Perhaps you should put breaks in your paragraphs to help readers read it. It's easier in sections,
Kk
Source: Accomplished fan-fiction author.