Player Comments on Encaged

You're quite the sadist, eh Paranormal?

Since I'm a reader that doesn't really consider something 'finished' until I've reached every ending, be they bad or good, or even every death or fail-state that a story-game has to offer, this one made me feel like being that sort of reader was a punishment.

That isn't an insult or anything. The writing in this story, I feel that it is improved from your first work on this site. The writing is coherent and there's little details that are made that really helps in aiding the suspenseful nature of this story. As a writer, you have certainly improved. Which is why I've rated this work higher than your other one.

It's been awhile since I've read a story-game that doesn't shy away from the dark and gritty. While some stories will try to be a bit more 'show' than actually tell with their words, like alluding to horrible things, or even trying to use flowery language at times in efforts to try and be more respectful with the content they're covering. Well, this story doesn't shy at all and tells you what exactly this helpless girl is experiencing, thinking, and feeling.

I feel that this story achieves a level of being able to genuinely make someone feel uncomfortable and unnerved. But I also genuinely felt that I had to reach every possible conclusion that there was in this story-game. As someone who has enjoyed CYOA stories since I was a child, and now for close to two decades as a young adult at the time of this writing, it was impossible to simply leave things lie and be content with even reaching half of the twenty-six endings that are in this game.

So after being abused, tortured, and maimed in a whole manner of ways as this unfortunate little girl, I have to say that this story is actually one that I would consider a strong entry in the contest that this was entered to be a part of. This story can be bleak, but the writing is strong enough to want to see just how differently things can go. Like can I possibly save this girl from her situation from this heinous individual that controls every aspect of her life? I just had to read through all of the brutal failures that comes with that line of thinking of as well. It was all written well, so no complaints from me here.

This is awful. I mean that in the best possible way. CYS has some edgy and unpleasant stories (Love SICK and Dispiteous come to mind), but this might be the best of the bunch (and by best, I mean most disturbing).

The shock value isn't even low hanging fruit. Rape and violence are present, but the story really does a good job of building a completely disturbing atmosphere otherwise. From the start, the whole basement is shown to be a disgusting realm, and Daddy is portrayed as negatively as possible. Everything about him is described in one path or another, and it paints a repulsive picture. Every path also gives you a glimpse into another fucked up aspect of Tess' world. The story also was quite immersive. I was legitimately scared for a fictional character, because it is just such a terrifying premise. Some visceral, heartbreaking shit in here.

I played until I got the best ending possible; I really appreciate that there was one, because it helps to counteract the other gruesome and disturbing ones. Overall, I probably got through a bit more than half of the endings, and noticed that the story is not without problems.

For the most part, the perspective of "somewhat self-aware 11-year-old in a dire situation" is kept up well, but there were a few breaches of perspective, namely when she thinks about things that she shouldn't have experienced if she were kidnapped as an infant.

Another issue is the use of s p a c i n g l i k e t h i s. I get what you're going for, but it feels really weird to read this, and I get the sensation of a weird, undulating speech pattern (unless this was the intended effect).

Other than that, I will reiterate that this was disturbing, and captivating. I read way more than I thought I would, and it really makes me feel terrified for little children. Well done!

The doll endings were genuinely horrible, I left it out of my original review, because of how disturbing they were and I didn't want to think about it for another second, but holy fuck. Either way it went, it was disturbing.

I heard that this was one of the most disturbing stories written on the site, so naturally I had to check it out for myself to see if it lives up to that reputation.

The first sentence is already a really interesting one: “You open your eyes to total darkness but all you can feel is excitement mixed with dread”. Admittedly it’s pretty simple and straightforward, but it gets the job done and creates some tension and mystery.

By the time I finish the first paragraph, I get a fuller picture of what this story is about. And boy is it dark! It’s a very risky topic that you decided to choose for a CYOA, but it could work for horror. All at once, I hate the father in this story with a fury of a thousand suns, and I wish the little girl could be whisked away somewhere safer, away from that abject monster. But unfortunately, it isn’t so.

The tone is really creepy, and I love the way you slow the pacing down so the reader could feel every little detail in the environment. The writing in particular, with the contrast between the large silhouette of the dad and the single slice of cake in his hand, his smile in the flickering candlelight, really paints the picture well. All of these sensory descriptions work well together to create a sense of dread in the reader. I also feel like you don’t add unnecessary fluff; every sentence used is integral to creating the mood and advancing the plot, which is good in stories like these.

The way you write violence is really effective. You combine sensory descriptions like “his sour breath washing over you” to heighten the effect that the violence already has. And imagining a little girl facing this situation makes everything 10x worse.

I also hate how the dad doesn’t just physically abuse Tess, but he also mentally abuses her with lines like “But what should we do to rectify what you have done not only today but for the past eleven years since I rescued you from that poor family?” The dad character further continues to mentally abuse the main character in many of the branches, even expressing emotional pain if she tries to escape! TrueParanormal, you wrote one sick twisted villain! I seriously can’t believe the nerve of this guy, trying to gaslight the little girl as if he’s been hurt in all this. You managed to capture a very real component of abuse, the mental abuse and the gaslighting that happens where the abuser tries to emotionally manipulate the victim, which just makes me hate this horrible, morally reprehensible individual all the more.

I also enjoyed how you used internal thoughts in between when the dad would leave, to show us what this girl’s life used to be like. This also sheds some light on how she ended up in this twisted man’s care. I love how she uses these memories to distract herself when she’s being hit by a baseball bat, but that scene was so hard to read. You perfectly captured the dissociation that occurs when severe trauma happens, as sometimes it’s the only way someone can protect themselves, and it’s eerie how well you wrote it.

The story gets even more depressing when another character, Liz, is introduced. Liz is a little girl who got recently captured and is still new to this whole experience. It’s also heavily implied that the “daddy” character sexually abuses both little girls.

Finally, I really appreciate how the story changes so much, and in some endings you don’t get a happy ending. The variety of endings was great, and the story could go so many ways. While my first impulse as a reader is to wish all the endings end with the girl somehow outwitting her captor and escaping, primarily because I’m so emotionally invested in this story, real life doesn’t work like that. Horrible crimes like these are perpetrated in real life and many times, more often than not, they end quite gruesome. Also, you didn’t always make the victims completely moral, sometimes they were forced to do things like betray one another, that they wouldn’t have done had the dad not put them in these circumstances. Depending on how you treat Liz, she may or may not betray you, and as hard as it is, I could understand her perspective, since it’s every person for themselves and she may not enjoy betraying you, but she has to do what she needs to in order to survive.

I also like the word choice of describing wherever the dad character goes when he’s not interacting with his victims as his “realm”. In the mind of the little girl, he is a supernatural monster, and it was a good choice for the story game to not reveal anything about him, especially his name, since you can’t humanize someone like that. He’s this morally despicable monster, and from a writing perspective, it’s better to just keep a villain like this in a cloud of mystery, without revealing anything mundane about them.

There were a couple of typos and errors here and there, but in general this story game was characterized by an incredibly disturbing premise, genuinely great writing, and good branching. This was so hard for me to read though, I can’t imagine how you were able to write something this depraved and make it all the way through.

This was... Interesting.

uhhhhhh

Definitely not as bad as I expected from the description and comments. Pretty good storygame though.

I don't know how I should feel about it. I had read all the endings out of morbid curiosity. After finishing it, I think I need a break.

You definitely have achieved your goal. Congrats!

Regarding the game, Encaged, I knew I would be forced to remember certain things, but I also knew that avoiding such a storygame would haunt me, so I played through the entire game, achieving all endings. To the author, well done, you captured the theme quite well, and with each dark moment, it added to the dangerous enviroment. As for recommendations, I cannot assist, as it was said, this game is not for the faint of heart, but is one of the rare games that I will remember.

Really well written. Dark and gruesome, a little hope depending on the ending you get. Better make the right choices!