Player Comments on From A Great Height
I really like the whole idea of this story. The floating islands reminded me of The Edge Chronicles (maybe you've read them and took influence?), and I just happen to like this kind of setting. I thought the main character was well portrayed even with the limited dialogue she had. The whole apathetic approach she had towards all of the abuse from literally everyone except other Nameless sort of spoke of a freedom that the others (that government... I can't remember the name!) didn't have. I guess that's what you were going for and I thought it was well written. I personally thought the Nameless society sounded pretty idyllic!
The biggest flaw for me was the wording of certain sentences. I felt that a lot of it was gratuitously written, possibly to bulk out the length for the contest, and it kind of felt a little forced at times. Even if it was a few hundred words shorter, I think it would have flowed a lot better if certain words were taken out. A few examples:
"The mutant snarls at you intelligibly as you approach it. With a body composition like that..." I also thought 'intelligibly' was a strange word choice here.
"...they do not exhibit any aggressive tendencies towards you..."
"In this endeavour, you marginally succeed by accident."
Despite that, I only found maybe 3 or 4 mistakes among 40000 words, which you wrote in an impressively short amount of time. One of the only mistakes I found was "Jt’s dbngfrpvs pp hfrf". If I remember my Common tongue right (it's been a while; I'm a bit rusty), I think you meant "Jt’s dbngfrpvs pvt hfrf", but it's more of an accomplishment than anything to have so few errors!
Oh, and one more small thing: The Captain asks what island you come from despite telling you herself that your people don't name islands, then seems annoyed to find out from you... exactly what she said 10 mins ago. Maybe that was just her apparent racism shining through though! All in all, a game to be proud of, and deservedly highly rated!
on 6/13/2017 1:11:10 PM with a score of 0
This story was excellent progress from your initial work, and a worthy story in its own right. You've crafted a world interesting in its breadth and depth, and during the course of the story I was happy to encounter a variety of different peoples and places. There's a good deal of variety in the content, and paths I didn't expect to be fairly lengthy turned out to be substantial, to my delight.
That said, you have issues with path dependency. In atleast three cases, you reach the same ending from different circumstances, and for some reason that does not change the text. If you saved the Mother, flew on, and then went to live in Majeruk the content should have nodded to your interaction with her. Likewise if you ascended to the nameless island vs being dropped off there by the cannibal, the reaction of the protagonist should have been different. Another instance where this happened was on the lone island, if you've met the ladies of the lake, you should have reflected that into the 'No' ending. Furthermore, knowing the ladies were probably up to no good, why did the protagonist not warn future travelers who reached the island (it was mentioned that more travelers came in the path where you became a mermaid)?
A small issue is of conversation ending dialogue - games like the Witcher 3 highlight what story threads will end the conversation (in orange), and ones that won't (in white). When I reached the 'what do you want to know' part, I first wanted to know the fate of the islands, which unfortunately locked off the remaining content. How about putting conversation paths that lock others off in [brackets] so the player knows to ask other questions first?
I take issue with the flight, flight vs flight choice, because on the outset I assume she's being frantic to make you say flight, and the number of times it's being said shouldn't matter (or atleast you wouldn't know it matters), and after realizing that it's inadequate, I would expect the protagonist would have tried to dive after and save the mother. Further, I thought flight, flight was testing my comprehension (repetition vs comprehension), so I'm not too happy with that path. The cipher content itself was clever, and I enjoyed deciphering the text - it made the language seem suitably alien yet comprehensible through effort. Choosing to substitute only a few letters was a smart call.
As far as endings go, I was satisfied with the variety of situations, but not satisfied by how the story pretty much offers no explanation for what's going on. Just why did the mother save you? Was she a rebel? Was she bored? It's never expanded upon, and surprisingly the protagonist never thinks about it.
The fuzzlebunny conversation was funny, just thought I'd point that out. One logical error though - for a girl who hadn't left the island, how did she know that that boy's turning purple was indicative of sexual attraction? There was no precedence of that knowledge in the story as far as I could find.
There were a few grammatical errors in the story, and the opening line was not particularly impressive (Bll hflmsmfn bn thf blfrt! should have been pn thf blfrt!, your stomach rumbles fro(m)).
In all, this was a really good game, but I recommend you work on path dependency and adding more opportunities to understand why the world was working the way it was, the protagonist pretty much just goes into a shell in every ending in which they're alive. I look forward to reading more of your work!
on 5/5/2017 2:12:57 AM with a score of 0
I loved this story, and it was very detailed. If only I could write a story this long and this cool...
on 4/18/2019 1:52:57 PM with a score of 0
For a game written in such a short timespan, this story is on par and even surpasses some other longer stories. The story is unique (or it might be that I'm not familiar with other kinds of fantasy stories) and very engaging. I like the different kinds of characters in the story. And the endings have variety, which gives this game great replay value. Surprisingly, even though the story is short, it actually makes sense in this story, which is basically about resettlement (or not).
My main gripe is that poking and killing the mutant doesn't lead to new endings (that don't end in brutal deaths) - I can go to the same branch by hiding in the decks below.
I think I have about 3-5 more endings to explore. I've been to: Marjarek (?) city with a simple life, or as a businesswoman, mermaid island as part of the mermaids, or alone, red mist (2 bad endings), a similar island where the inhabitants speak the same language, the prison island, two really bad islands, an island with men that turn purple, two death endings with the mutants. Are there other decent endings?
on 11/15/2018 11:31:18 AM with a score of 0
Very well written, grammar was good. The length was pretty good although it seemed like it was going to be longer. The characters were pretty interesting, each with their own motives and personalities.
I also found that the naive nature of the Unworthy was pretty endearing. Just a simple person, looking for a simple life.
There weren't many grammar or spelling mistakes as far as I could tell. My only complaint really was that it could have been longer, and that we could make choices on Mejeruk (sorry if I butchered the spelling) that would shape the protagonists life.
Any ways, it was an amazing story and I hope to see some more from you.
on 2/18/2018 8:12:15 PM with a score of 0
Hmm... 18 endings in total, eh? I'll try to aim and work for as many as possible! Got my first one: "Agree to have her find you somewhere to stay in Majeruk" ;)
on 9/1/2017 3:05:37 AM with a score of 0
it was ok
on 8/7/2017 3:04:39 AM with a score of 0
I should write that thing down about rabbits next time I get caught by a cop for speeding. It'd turn out great, I'm sure.
— . on 7/22/2017 4:17:46 AM with a score of 0
Fun story. I only really got to one ending but would try again to see if there are any others. Good job. I shall be checking this authors profile for other story games. Cheers. :)
on 7/20/2017 4:24:25 PM with a score of 0
Very well written and entertaining- great job! Unique and intriguing!
on 7/11/2017 6:43:53 PM with a score of 0
"Moving in with men?" That sounds extremely sketchy.
— Anonymous on 6/30/2017 6:34:25 PM with a score of 0
— danny on 6/20/2017 10:46:16 AM with a score of 0
— Jay on 6/17/2017 5:56:33 PM with a score of 0
— Dan on 6/17/2017 6:42:45 AM with a score of 0
Great game, tough decisions. Beautiful imagery a truly unique and amazing experience
— Jimmy Neutron on 6/16/2017 1:01:10 PM with a score of 0
— BaconPistols on 6/14/2017 11:35:48 PM with a score of 0
Nice writing. I'd like it to be a bit longer, but given that it was written for a contest and that I suspect I have gotten myself into one of the early endgames, I don't think that's something to criticize much.
— ayy lmao on 6/10/2017 7:42:13 PM with a score of 0
I like this a lot grate story.
on 6/10/2017 1:46:44 AM with a score of 0
Loved the story.
— Lisa on 6/6/2017 10:34:31 PM with a score of 0
Really quite interesting, now I just have to go through like 10 more times.
— Nick on 5/27/2017 1:40:36 AM with a score of 0
It was a great read
Truly loved the language system
Fun read overall!
10/10 Would poke the mutant with a stick again
on 5/20/2017 8:19:37 PM with a score of 0
Good Storyline. I played it several times, and had different things happen each time. Are there any other people besides the Tenurianse?
— dolphin06670 on 5/20/2017 10:11:09 AM with a score of 0
It was good; the writing excellent and evocative, the choices varied, the endings somewhat satisfying.
If there is any criticism it would be the short ish length of it; especially when the road branched. But that is completely understandable for a free offering; and ridiculously excellent for a contest entry. I can see why you win the contest.
on 5/18/2017 5:11:15 AM with a score of 0
There is some very strong writing on display here in your work. Bravo, Saika.
on 5/3/2017 7:08:46 PM with a score of 0