Player Comments on I Hate Romance

*vomits*

*gag*

This is pretty bad dude.

Did Bucky proofread it for you? Maybe you should've listened to the advice he gave.

Gotta agree with Will. Would have been better as a parody; it has some real potential here.

Haha ah funny :D This comes across as a cynic who's been forced at gunpoint to write a love story :D Also the inexperience is a little obvious and in fact ties in so well with the title I'm tempted to take the charitable view and call this a parody of a love story. A few lines stood out for me:

Yay! You picked me, you are pretty cute you know.
(the sort of girl who says this just because you chose to sit next to each other has incredible self-esteem issues and seems a bit of a nymphomaniac too).

I'm a weak kid, I can barely stand up for myself.
(Fortunately the boy who sat next to her similarly has all the self-esteem of a guy making a noose out of scraps of string found in the street).

Huh, girls like me, this'll suck."
(A rather remarkable statement unless the reader’s character is secretly unveiled as either a homosexual or a twelve year old at the end of the story)

I know what else will suck.
(It might be lines like this that could explain the main character’s lack of success with girls).

Hey new kid get the ---- away from my -----!"
(You know this bully is a tough bully when he uses morse code).

Me and Hailey kissed for a while. After that I knew I loved Hailey.
(Because that’s how all love stories happen in Disney films).

Another story where the protagonist may seem to be channeling the author but cynical characters who already consider the challenge lost before they begin and then have an attractive girl fall for them is unusual (I’m not saying it’s impossible because it does happen but it’s unlikely).

Either tweaking this story into a direct parody of a love story or making the protagonist more optimistic might make it an enjoyable read. Also the two alternative paths might need to be developed further and more spacing is needed, I got a bit confused over whether Oliver was gay at some points but that might just be because I’m not the fastest hamster in the wheel :D 3/8

Please review the rules of grammar. For starters, separate dialogue speakers need their own paragraphs.

This had very little effort put into the craft. You can do much better.