swedishlemon, The Reader
Word of advice: This site has no sense of objective criticism, so if you don't play nice and act like a good little boy or girl and be polite, they'll rate your games down, petition for you to leave, and finally get an admin to delete them. How nice.
This site is full of dicks. Get out while you still can.
Subjects begin to show signs of deterioration around the fifth year. Proceed with caution, Analyst.
A midnight stroll has always helped you forget your troubles and clear your head.
A light suddenly engulfs you. You are not where you once were.
Various pages have a 'journal' link. This is not a choice in the story but rather an optional way to learn the lore of the world and partake in Jacob's thoughts.
WALKTHROUGH: TBW (To Be Written)
^_^ Special thanks to TheNewIAP for proofreading and editing advice! ^_^
Exiled from your home and abandoned by your friends and family, you wander the wilderness; blind, and alone.
~This is Flash Fiction, I.E very short. I made this a month or two ago as a writing experiment and only now decided to publish it, given its quality~
You awake in a space freighter med-bay, seemingly without memory... and seemingly the only survivor of a massacre you can't recall.
A story about persistence.
~This story was inspired by The Flame, by urnam0~
An immortal is inadvertently caught in a Saw-like game of life and death.
After being gifted a mysterious, black stone by a relative they didn't know existed, a group of five every-day individuals, including two sisters, embark on a journey to recover a lost treasure dating back to the 17th century. At the same time, mysterious forces conspire against them. Will they learn the truth behind their long lost relative? Will the ultimate evil be defeated? Will Marissy and Dennis ever get back together?! Only you can find out!
In certain areas of the story there will be two Perspective Change links, however one will be labeled NP. The second link titled NP is an optional link to view an identical scene from a different character's perspective, hence NP stands for New Perspective. Again, these links are completely optional and affect the story in no way, but can give you greater insight on the various characters within the game.
Special thanks to IronPanther for being my one and only betatester and putting up with my near-constant pestering! :D
You are Sam Treoll, a sixteen year old Junior in high-school. When you were twelve, you saved your sister from a common thug who killed your parents. After that, the court tried to keep you two together as often as possible, even as you leapt from foster home to foster home.
That all changed one day when you got involved with the wrong people. Six year sentence in a federal Juvenile Detention Facility. You never saw your sister again.
But what if you had a second chance? To lessen your sentence, to go to high-school like a normal teen?
"Congratulations, kid. They just accepted your parole."
Unsubmitted entry written in fifteen days for the 2016 School Story Contest.
Waking up to your own bleeding corpse, you quickly realize you have been killed. Now, you must learn and use your strange new spiritual powers to hunt down the killer and complete your unfinished business.
First game in an anthology of power-based, standalone modern CYOAs.
Step into the shoes of Melissa; doctor, loving fiancé, and newly turned Werehyena. Will you fight back against the insidious Hounds, join the secretive Coalition, or follow your own path?
Features four different routes!
Prologue for routes 1-3 almost 10% done.
Prologue for routes 1-3 almost 30% done.
Recent PostsA sample of my story I guess? on 8/31/2016 12:03:43 AM
I don't know who that is but okay.
A sample of my story I guess? on 8/31/2016 12:01:50 AM
next time, use the Link function
I remember you. Didn't you have a crush on me and try to convert me to mormonism?
A sample of my story I guess? on 8/31/2016 12:00:09 AM
you ffffffucking asked for constructive criticism and I gave you some. I think your descriptions are grocery lists. That wasn't 'hurtful' criticism so no need to act so defensive.
apparently I was thinking of something different on roblox since I can't seem to find any of the old roleplays I used to play in with a plot similar to this.
A sample of my story I guess? on 8/30/2016 11:55:18 PM
I know it's pretty short
The fuck is this. This has to be 4K words, at least.
anyways nice job with the grocery list descriptions. You're meant to describe the characters little by little in small details during the first and possibly second chapter, or in the case of a storygame throughout the entire game. With this, you just bombarded us with everyone's appearance all at once in clunky, huge paragraphs.
Your hair descriptions are also weird. I'm getting the visual picture of them being similar to anime hairstyles, but those aren't actually a thing. Hair like that doesn't exist. If that wasn't what you were implying, then you're just bad at describing hair.
Corrosion is obviously a generic bad guy and will probably turn out to have been manipulating this war from the very beginning as part of some grand, evil plot to strengthen pollution and his own abilities or some shit. That's really cliche and I say you scrap Corrosion altogether and replace him with a less outright evil element, such as 'Technology' or something.
also I'm pretty sure I saw something akin to this on Roblox once in the form of a roleplay. I'll google it just to be sure though.
justinwantsagf is back... with a new name on 8/30/2016 6:04:40 PM
Shouldn't you be in jail?
EDIT: Oh wait, nevermind. That was Brennon.
Still, aren't you really, really annoying or something? I heard from somewhere that you're awful.
Losing my hair... on 8/20/2016 11:47:32 AM
Louisiana Flooding on 8/18/2016 12:22:34 AM
Also, what exactly did Danaos do to warrant reassurement? All he did was validate my point. It's not his fault for what, exactly? He did nothing wrong.
Louisiana Flooding on 8/17/2016 10:48:54 PM
Figured as much.
Louisiana Flooding on 8/17/2016 10:22:55 PM
Was the message directed toward 'AIDS' directed toward me?
Louisiana Flooding on 8/17/2016 9:08:44 PM
I asked Briar. I said it wasn't my place. She told me anyways. If she had gotten mad or told me that wasn't something she wanted to share, I'd have been fine with that.
I hardly know Briar. A shallow attempt at comforting her from over the internet won't change anything and even if I was trying to comfort her, saying something like "no one could've stopped it from happening. It's just out of anyone's control" won't comfort her, especially not in regards to a depression-based death, and not knowing how he died just makes it harder to comfort anyone.
Besides, I said it wasn't my place. I would've been fine if she didn't tell me, or if she got mad at me. At least then I would've felt socially obligated to give an apology. But no, she told me anyways.
If she had a problem with my question, she could have spoken up. I don't think I need to apologize that.