Player Comments on Just Another Average Joe

Good work :D The story was original and different, fairly random but not in a stupid way and the writing was good. One thing I would draw to your attention is that when characters speak in prose writing they do not speak like this:
You: That is not right.
That is how they speak in film scripts, it should look like this:
"This is not right," you say.
Overall a very good effort though rather than free-world explore it might be fun if we stumbled on a complete and developed storyline :)

Not bad for a first attempt, but first attempts won't get you any pity here. The writing wasn't bad and the overall theme was engaging, but you could have done more with the plot and fleshed the story out more. Also, I feel like this belongs in the horror section, not fantasy.

Why did you write the dialogue like a screenplay? That didn't really make any sense, and it makes the reader very aware they are reading a story. The goal is to keep the reader as engaged as possible, especially in a CYOA. Also, why was the dialogue in bold?

Good stories don't have to be massive, but the shorter a story is, the more importance each word carries. So you have to use very precise and descriptive words.

Overall, it was a rather average story, but you showed potential. I think you could write something quite enjoyable if you put in more time and worked on fleshing your plot out more.

For a first story game, and your supposed "lack of creativity," the story wasn't bad.

There were a few minor issues with punctuation/grammar (like forgetting to put them in one or two spots), but nothing to detract too much from what you wrote.

It was certainly a CYOA, and there were choices abound, but my only major gripe with the story as a whole was that it felt a little too short at times on certain pages. Also, I wouldn't really call this a "fantasy adventure," but more of a "modern adventure" or "Everything Else" category.

Overall, not bad: 4/8

This embodies the average joe

I liked it, and it was a nice little thing to pick up and do.

Great job!??

well that was odd... i'm not quite sure what i just read...

I really enjoyed! I don't know why but it kind of reminded me of something I would dream of, and enjoy. (Even if it was a bit creepy at times.) 6/8

Better than some stories I've read. I'm assuming the liquid makes you some sort of werewolf-like creature. The way you did the dialogue, however, was not good.
This is how you should do dialogue-
"Hello," the woman said.
Not
Woman: "Hello"
I found a few grammatical errors as well, but it wasn't anything big, just the wrong use of your in the beginning and the like. Nice job.

It's alright but you could do better

this was fun :)

I can't believe that i have the decency to say this but... this story was okay. Certainly a fine piece for your first story. keep up the good work mate!

This was a decent story. Your grammar was good, and the story was decently interesting. Like others have said, you should have had the characters talk as they would in a book, not as they would in a film script. Good job overall.

It was pretty good compared to some of the stories I've previously read.

Ha! What a good life lesson.

Because my friend decided to use my account to rate this, I'm taking away from my own rating as to keep it fair. Thank you for your support.

This good for a first try! I made my first story yesterday, too (although it's a WC fanfic). I don't see any spelling errors that interfere with the reader's comprehension, and I like the experimental science part! However, it might have nice to have different job ads that you could choose from on your computer, but overall, it was a good story.

Pretty Good for a first game!!!