Player Comments on Life as a Time Traveler

Adding onto everything Will11 said - this was clearly a game you put plenty of effort into, and while some of the elements did feel a little disjointed, if only because the main character's thoughts and responses didn't seem to fully mesh with the circumstances and situations he was faced with. While that may have been intentional, given the nature of his powers, I wanted to see more of his personality tying the disparate plot elements together instead of being told about who he was.

As for the language sounding a little stilted, I would advise using more contractions. Most people say 'don't' instead of 'do not', for instance, and it will go a long way towards making the writing sound less formal.

I did find the language used this story extremely odd and stilted... I can think of 2 reasons for this -
1) Sometimes when I do lots of paperwork and then try to write creatively the language comes out as a bit formal and official. This might be the case here.
2) English is not your first language and you learned rather formal English.

I did find the story a bit unstructured and oddly unrealistic. The main character was a bit... weird. The odd thing is you have plot events, characters, setting etc but it's a bit like you've put them through a blender and mixed them altogether, not enough to make the story truly random but enough to make it a bit different and more in a disconcerting than entertaining way.

That said you have obviously put a good amount of effort into the story, your writing is error free and spontaneous enough to be interesting in places but this story might require some editing. Also the School genre might not match the tone of this writing, something like Edutainment or Gothic Horror might be more appropriate :)

This was an okay game.

Dang this story as very good no clue Stephanie was the child

Great Job, I loved the whole story and getting to the true ending.

I love this story. At first I thought this story was going to be pointless. I mean my choices start of with pull fire alarm, scream through the halls and punch someone. I ended up choosing to punch someone after choosing the other two because I really don't like violence. However, after reading who I was punching, I was relieved that it wasn't some random person who I really had no business punching.

I loved this story so much. It had everything a person could hope for in a story. I loved it so much that when it got to the end, and I could choose to continue with Stephanie I chose that because I really didn't want it to end, and I hoped that I didn't cause him to hook up with Stephanie. I was very pleased that I continued.

Thank you so much for sharing, it was the most awesome story I have read so far on this site, and I hope to read more stories that you have written.

This is a fun story with lots of great ideas. Enjoyable read. My only comment is that it could use some proofreading. A few times names get confused and there are letters or words missing in sentences. Nothing you can’t figure out but makes it hard to read in places.

Fun but not

very nice its funny

I thought it was good. I did notice some grammatical errors but noting that can be changed easily. I also noticed one time you talked about Al but called him another name I don't know if that was nickname or what but it just confused me, but other than that it was a great story.

Second ending... sneaky...

Great

Eh, it's okay, not very complicated or interesting though.

I enjoyed this.

Stephanie sounds like a female alt of Steve...

More than one user (including Almighty Architect God Will11) has said that the formal language stilts the darn thing, but it seems to match with Steve's "that guy" personality, though you could've reduced the formality of the other characters.

That being said, the plot was nice. A time traveler that's not playing hero is not often heard of in 21st century discord. The Stephanie thing (*cough *cough time-related *cough *cough) left me in a cliffhanger, so I'd appreciate it if you eventually made a sequel about the Stephanie storyline as well. This is the only flaw that detracts, really.

To conclude, this is one of Cystia's hidden gems that need a bit of polishing. But just as it is right now, it's worth every cent. 6/8.

good game i would like to see more

Well written only a few spelling errors. Good story felt a bit linear but I guess that's sort of the nature with the subject matter.

This was certainly well written, I tend to really enjoy stories that have time traveling elements so that may have sweetened my review just a bit.

This was so beautiful. Although, it didn't take me lng to finish, so I either read fast, or the rating is weird. I dunno.
This was beautifully written, and reminds me of a movie I watched...can't remember which. It will probably come to me in a couple of hours. Oh well.

You did a very good job with the storyline but you might have wanted to edit it some more, good job!

Very good!

I thought it was interesting and decently written. Your writing is a little stiff, if you can loosen it up some, I think it will flow much better and greatly improve the overall quality.

Trees, branches, vines and leaves. These are what timelines consist of. You change one thing, you change everything after it. Tred wisely, who wishes to change the river.

Yes... I do have difficulty with writing informally. Will11 is right. I do a large amount of formal writing, and it has apparently bled into my story mostly unintentionally. Dang.
The main character is also weird because I do figured that is what would happen if somebody had the ability to travel time. First, it would be exciting. Then, it would be alienating (since nobody else has it). Finally, it would be depressing (since he would feel unworthy to have the powers in comparison to other people). That is my reasoning at least.
I kept the choices minimal in most situations because I figured that is what most stories with time traveling would do. I try to do the opposite of what is expected though the results are not always good).
Finally, writing personalities is one of the areas in which I need the most improvement... I will attempt to make better ones next time.
I'll try to work on keeping informal language, and thank you for the comments. I deeply appreciate them, and I'll keep them in mind when writing.

I didn't really enjoy this game as I would like to, because of these reasons:

1. Too many things capitalized without needing to
2. Formal dialogue (strange for someone of this age)
3. Random choices
4. No real structure or point to the game.

1 1/2 stars. I'll give you credit for the actual story (see the 1 star.)

I liked the idea and initial plot of this story :)... But there should be more plot development. How did Steve get to the school? What's the backstory? How was Al before he became a bully? People usually don't just become a bully for no reason. Always have a backstory.

Also, there should be more character development. What's Steve's story? How did he change as the story continued?

Last but not least, I feel that this story can be expanded a LOT. You should allow the reader to make choices and make it more of a memory game. For example, in the fight scene, instead of making the character instantly defeat bob after going back in time (forced), you should allow the character to go back in time, and make them pick choices. If Al throws a right hook, allow the character choices in which to duck, jump, dodge left, or dodge right. Anyways, I hope you could expand this story into a much longer in interesting story.

This story is actually really good heck it could actually be used as a plot to a movie if someone wanted to

Actually that gives me a idea brb stealing this idea

Do you want some advice? Try putting a blank page at the start of the page so that people won't be able to secretly read it. You can delete it when you are finished.