Player Comments on Shut Up and Grow It!

I am both confused and disgusted... But nonetheless, I will still give a review of this "story."

The positives...

1. Your grammar, punctuation, and spelling were pretty good. I couldn't find any mistakes on the surface level. Though a few sentences were a bit awkward, nothing too bad.

2. I'm running out of positive things to say about this storygame. I guess the spacing was fine.

Alright here we go with the Negatives

1. The story made no sense whatsoever. I understand that you are trying to escape the farm. (I played every route) It's easier to escape than not to escape. I'm missing the reason why I'm supposed to escape. You made me click the "Have sex" button, I was hoping I wouldn't have to click that (Im Asexual). And why is it that the only way you can escape is by having Sex? This made no sense at all...

2. You need more paths. This storygame has only one real path... And that is the Sex Rex path... Please for goodness sake make the options better. If you were going to fix this storygame this would be my recommendation on what to fix first.

3. Grow up man... This is the most childish storygame ever... Your either a 16-year-old fantasizing about having sex. or you're a 42-year-old child predator who was convicted of being a sex offender and you can't go 200 meters of a school so you're making up your fantasies... Whatever I don't care... Please for the love of my sanity... And it's not just the idea of "Sex" that's the problem... It's the awful grotesque details... And the fact that I have to read that shit to beat the storygame...

4. A few times I noticed places in the storygame where you offered more detail. Like the line about the fireflies speckling the earth. I like that although I wish you did that more instead of rushing into things that don't make sense. To summarize I would say that you need more detail. Details paint a better picture of the actions you take, from there we can better understand the story.

Overall

This story feels like a last-minute attempt to save your ass from being thrown in the pit of shame. The idea of the story is pretty bad and the execution is worse. But if you were willing to fix up this story and re-publish it, here is what I would reccomend...

Use more detail, you don't have to rush...

Make smart choices

Make more paths and choices, but also justify the decisions.

I want to see people succeed. Please don't take any of my points personally, it is all for the good of the storygame, and afterall it's just my opinion.

Rating... 2/8

The start was alright, although linear. Then it just turned into 5 "keep going or give up" choices in a row, then the story ended. I gave this a 2, but it's more like a 2.4.

It's not as bad as I thought it would be from the other ratings, but there only seems to be one main path that leads to the finish... take any other option off that main path and you're done in one or two steps.

Writing in a technical sense wasn't too bad (grammar and structure), and the premise itself was interesting. But the characters were very bland and one-dimensional, and the story was much too short. The fact that there's only one "true" ending is also kinda frustrating. A major attraction to CYOAs is that there are multiple valid endings that make you feel like your choices matter.

Seeing Mizal with a capital M will never stop being weird
Oh the story? It wasn't great...

This was an interesting and pretty thoughtful little story, but what a miserably unlikeable collection of people. I only wish the protagonist could have figured this out before having awkwardly disapointing gay sex and then doing slave labor for days.