Player Comments on The Black Butler

Uhhhh...I understand the basic plots of Kuroshitsuji, but this was quite confusing (that may just be me though). However, there were some aspects of the story that not even a seasoned fan might be able to know. For example, I had no idea who I was, who Luca was, or what I was even supposed to do. There wasn't a lot of description in the story, which could have helped build the plot better, and there was no background on the characters.

This story has a lot of potential to be a good one, but for now it's a matter of fleshing it out and building a world around it, even if it is a fanfiction.

Really linear and you can get caught in loop on the first few pages. Could be fixed with a simple limit on the amount of times you can click certain links really

I was mostly lost the entire time about what the hell is going on. And also about the world in general. Some background information would have helped draw me in.

Grammatical errors are aplenty, though I guess I should have expected that, looking at the rating the game has.

What I want to complain about most is the broken section halfway through the story where it just kept looping and I could keep screaming over and over as the two men discuss stuff close to me. May not be exact on the details, but I sure as hell won't be replaying this again to confirm. That finally broke whatever little immersion I had in the story. I guess it's not the worst thing I ever read, but there's plenty of room for improvement.

I was lost the entire time. There were lots of grammatic errors, the story wasn't explained or fleshed out very well, and the writing was bland. It also ends before anything interesting happens.

i dont know how to feel about replacing alois

I wish I could've played throughout the entire thing until the soul was taken!

For the most part I was confused, but I'm not sure if that's just me.

***Spoilers ahead***

Also, would have been nice to know the demon would take your soul before you asked him to grant your wish! o: But, with some refinement, there's definitely a decent story in there!

It's good but....make the next part.

I wanted more, it was cut too short, too soon.

SEQUELLLLL I NEED MOAR

omg yaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

It was okay, some of it seemed repetitive, but other than that it was fine

Black butler season 2 :D

I really hope this story continues; it's quite enjoyable.

I liked it being a fangirl and all. Well some kchoices led you back to something youve already done. Nice Job!

Eh-- okay. Not bad but not great. It's okay. Very short, not that much effort put into it. But somewhat entertaining. Please continue.

I wish there was more to it than that it would be best if more was made

You are obviously a very good writer, and I did enjoy this story. If you took a bit of extra time, I think you could continue this into a truly great story. Couple of weird linking problems here and there, but a good story. Well done.

WAGGGGHHHHHH!! AWESOME!! wil there be more, cuz this was awesome!!!

This was actually quite interesting, I loved how the butler was the wonderful Sebastian instead of the awful Claude! I would be delighted if you made another Black Butler game!

um....why?just why?

omg!!!! love it <3 i always wonder what would the story had been if it had been a girl main character <3

Sebastian! :D

I agree that this ended too short, could you make a sequel? I would really love to play the next one.

Well, your writing was pretty good but, no offense, this kind of seems like one of those fan-fictions where the writer's got a crush on an anime character, so they make up a female character and then write a story where the two characters fall in love. To be fair though, it could be worse... It could be a love story about the emo kid from Naruto :p

This'll be the first story I've commented on through this site, so I hope you'll take it to heart.

I only saw one or two typos, which I greatly appreciate. It really grates on me if I happen upon a story that's part of a series I like and want to read and enjoy, and then it's impossible to do so.

Just as I was getting into the story, thinking "Ah, how am I going to get revenge? Is this going to be a mystery, similarly to the show? What approach will the author take? Oooh, I've got Sebastian with me! What will we do now?!"

And..then it just sort of abruptly ends. You at least chose a logical place to end it- you gain your servant and that's it, but it's disappointing for something this good to just cut off like that. I'd really like to see you continue this.

So, for my final words, please write more! I would love to see how Claire gains revenge for her murdered family!

Hi, it's me again. I noticed some things I missed in my previous comment so I'm adding some more:

At the end when you make the choice, the voice says 'I will not reappear to you again' but if you choose 'no' then the voice says 'I will come back to you again one day.'

I also wanted to point out that no matter where you are in the story and you 'scream for help' you have the option to 'leave Luca behind' which I've already done.

Next, I wanted to let you know that later on in the story I go visit his grave. The only bad part about that is that if I just leave him behind in the burning town, there wouldn't be a grave to visit because there would never have been a body to bury.

Finally, I noticed that most of the links were all lowercase besides a name. I think it would look more professional if every link was capatalized at the beginning. Just a thought. :)

All of that only adds to my previous comment, but I really hope that you will take my advice to heart. If you had someone to test your story before you publish, that would definitely help with the misspells and grammar errors as well as an opinion on the actual story. Good luck!

I really do like the television series and this story has a lot of potetnial. Here are my suggestions:

It would be better if you make this whole story one storygame instead of parts like you seem to be writing it in. Typically, unless this story is exceptionally long in each part, then it should just be one story.

Another point is that after I escape from the kidnappers, there is an option to 'scream for help' but it seems to take me back in time to where Luca had died because there was the option 'leave Luca behind' although I had already left him back at the burning town.

The spacing of the story is a little...out there. It seemed to skip two or three lines instead of just one so it looked like this:

sentence....
sentence....


sentence...

sentence...
sentence...

So as you can see, it can get a little annoying after a while.

Another thing I noticed was that when you wrote quotes (ex: "This will be bad!" You say.) the 'you' part is capatalized. It should be lower cased when the sentence ends with exclamation (!) question (?) or comma (,) so it would looke like this: "This will be bad," you say.

As for more of the idea part of this story, if I'm not mistaken (although I may be) the symbol of the contract does not HAVE to be burned into the eye. I would check if I were you, though, just to be sure. Also, just as a word of advice, all demons have the symbol of the contract on their left hand.

I really hope that this story will be expanded. I think this can go a long way :) And don't be afraid to include completely new characters (like new demons, angels, or reapers) and of course old characters (like Grell or William, for instance).

But you may want to clarify something that confused me: was this before or after Sebastian was the butler of Ciel? If it is after, then they would be right at the turn of the 20th century (ciel was living in the late 1880's in season 1) However if it is before, then it should be around 1860's or 1870's.

I apologize for the really long comment, haha, but I hope that my advice helped!

woah i need to watch this show!

I love the t.v. show and this was fun and all but it should be longer if it were to follow the serise.

Confusing, with almost no plot. Really really bad.

I liked it :)

I don't recall the main character from this work. It could work, but you need to set some paths straight. (such as Leaving Lu** behind when you already dug their grave for them.)

The whole time I was picturing Jeffrey from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Good:
1. Good descriptive writing

Bad:
1. Short, more like a chapter than a story

Ugly:
1. There were some links that didn't make sense to me- why would I have the option to leave Lucas behind after I ran away from being kidnapped?

Its a very interesting story. I could see another one of these. Good work.