Player Comments on Three Hundred Thousand Tears

I hate to say it, but this is an ambitious but poorly executed story. I struggled to reach a single ending, and by that point had no interest in going back for more.

This is unfortunate, because I went into this story expecting I would rate it a 7 or an 8. I was impressed by the length of the story (33,000 words) and the bold choice in subject matter. How could a writer interesting enough to tackle a story of such potential do anything less than wow me with her storytelling skill?

The answer turned out to be too simple: flat writing, an absence of necessary detail, and a dependence on cliched phrases.

I followed Zhaoluo's path, choosing to bomb something, ending up with my friends writing for a newspaper, and a final scene of people touching each other. What, why, how, or where, I can't say, because some of those scene-setting, character-building details simply weren't present, and after a while I ceased to care altogether. I was just slogging through page after page to an end link, because the writing was lackluster and was not engaging.

And this is a major disappointment, because this storygame has so much potential. The actual setting, war-torn Nanking, is filled with human pathos and tragedy, and the decision to base a storygame here struck me not only as unusual, but downright bold on a site overloaded with wannabe dungeon masters.

But throughout my reading, I had the distinct sense I was reading a rough draft, not a polished story -- a rough sketch instead of a masterful work of art. I wasn't particularly concerned about the characters, because they weren't drawn sharply enough, and I couldn't imagine the refugee camp in which they lived, because too few details had been provided. Strike that: details is probably not the right word; there wasn't enough **insight**. Trying to follow along was like watching an excellent movie... on a dingy screen, with the volume turned way down. I could kind of guess there was something good happening, but I could make out too few details to truly appreciate it.

So I started this storygame expecting to rate it a 7 or an 8, but in the end I gate it a 5. The only reason I rated it that highly is because I admire the writer's attempt to tackle such a long story on such an interesting subject.

This story really starts out with a strong pace. There is no slow build up. There is no initial world-building. It throws you directly into a pivotal moment, which I think helps hook the reader. Some stories that start with action is fitting. Others feel forced. I think this was more fitting than forced. The amount of links of the first page only add to the madness. I really didn't know what I got myself into upon hitting the “play” button and that is in line with the way the story starts out.

One thing that was really distracting was the dialogue punctuation. Part of it was proper. Most of it wasn't correct, which brought me out of the story a bit. It's one of those things that you can't unsee after noticing. I suppose it's not a huge deal, but anything that prevents the reader from experiencing the story to fullest should be mentioned.

Three Hundred Thousand Tears feels to me like it could be summed up in the old saying: out of the frying pan, into the fire. It seems like tragedy after tragedy happens. It starts out bad, then gets worse. Luckily, there is a bit of a revenge element build in. It starts off fast and keeps a fast pace. I probably wouldn't count it among the top stories of the site, but it's definitely not a bad story to play through.

That was a really awesome read! Probably one of the saddest games on the site… Which is good, because I love depressing games. (Kind of put me in mind of Grave of the Fireflies, which is one of my favourite films, so bonus points for that.) I think I found this one particularly tragic because my goal was to save both of the sisters… Which you can’t do… So no matter what path I took, the ending was always super sad.

I can’t really think of much negative to say about this game, ‘cos honestly, I don’t really think there is anything negative to be said. The only thing I can think of (and this is just me being nit-picky) is that, to me, Li never really felt like the protagonist. Perhaps I’m being biased because I read through Zhaoluo’s path first, but to me, Zhaoluo felt like a much more fleshed out character. Just little things like how she constantly keeps her guard up and her complex relationship with her father (even after he passes away) just really make me feel like she’s the character I’m meant to relate to. With Li’s story on the other hand, I kind of felt like the role of protagonist jumped from Zhaoluo to Zhen to Kuyue, with Li remaining as the “little sister” character that everyone goes out of their way to protect. But perhaps I just found it harder to relate to her because she’s so young. Either way, Zhaoluo I felt was a very strong protagonist.

Also, I’m still pretty confused about Zhen’s character and what his story was. Can’t really tell if he was a Japanese soldier that went rogue or if he were a regular Chinese soldier who managed to steal a bunch of stuff from the Japanese. I also wondered if perhaps he was the same Japanese soldier that the player got to briefly control at the beginning of the game… Couldn’t really figure it out either way, but he was an interesting character for his brief time in the game, so it’d be good to know.

In summary, I think this story beautifully and heart breakingly captures all the worst horrors that war entails. I also think the fact that the endings all range from hopeless to bitter-sweet, without a single “happy ending” in site does the game a lot of credit. Obviously, war devastates countries and the lives of everyone it touches, so I think it’s pretty accurate that the happiest ending a character can hope for is picking up what little they have left and trying to make a life out of it. You’ve written a brilliant story game, and if three hundred thousand people played this game, I’m sure it’d draw a tear from all of them. :’(

is there a sad ending?

I played this storygame around 5 years ago, and I decided to play it again out of nostalgia. Back then, I thought it was just about the best thing I had ever read. I still think it's pretty good, but it just makes me so, so sad. There were times when I physically looked away because of how much it sucked to be reminded of the things that happened in this tragedy.

I wish the characters had been developed a little more, and there are a couple spelling mistakes in here. Other than that, Crescentstar's writing never fails to amaze me. This story will always and forever hold a special place in my heart.

It didn’t feel like it was the reader’s perspective it from an actual person. The options were too few.

This was a very sad story. A very good and well written one, but very sad.

So this story is about the Rape of Nanjing (Nanking), which is probably the most well known event of a relatively unknown theatre of World War 2. In 1937 the Japanese Empire officially invaded China starting the Second Sino-Japanese War. By December of 1937 the Japanese captured the Chinese capital of Nanjing and began committing numerous atrocities on Chinese civilians. We play as one of those civilians in this story.

Pretty much right off the bat you can tell things aren't going well for the Chinese. There are gunshots out in the streets, our family is worried, and it's just not good. Our stepmother is going into labor so somebody has to run to the Red Cross to get help. This is where we choose between playing as Li or Zhaoluo. (I played as Zhaoluo as my most recent playthrough so I'll mostly be focusing on her story.) So Zhaoluo runs to the Red Cross camp in the safe zone and starts heading back home with a doctor. But when we return, it's far too late. Our family has been raped and butchered and now we are one of the countless refugees of the war. Our life in the Red Cross shelter has us meet numerous other orphans, each with their own horrifying tale. Some are meek, some are kind, some are angry and a some are simply dead inside. They were all written very well and provided different perspectives on how war effects people. Eventually a choice comes up. Some of the orphans want to wage a guerilla war against the Japanese forces while others just want to wait it out. We can either help with the guerilla fighting, oppose their plan, or do nothing. Each leads to different results with some being (in my opinion) better than others. But eventually the Japanese make it to the camp. We survive the war, but not without suffering greatly.

I think you picked an interesting subject to cover. In war, not just World War 2, the impact on civilians is often overlooked. Tales of bravery and heroic battles are told while the suffering of the average person is widely ignored. You managed to portray one of the most horrific incidents of the Second World War in a way that was both impactful and respectful. This incident is something that should be learned about, not swept under the rug. War is awful. And while the heroic deeds of soldiers should be remembered, it cannot come at the cost of ignoring those who suffered due to a war they never asked for. This story does a wonderful job at portraying those poor people who suffered.

Now, as for the writing, I don't really have any complaints. It was all very good. My only real complaint is that the ending felt a bit rushed in a way. The Japanese pretty much enter the camp and then about a page later we learn what Zhaoluo is up to post war. It just felt like it went by a bit too quickly. But that's just my opinion.

So overall this was a fantastic story about a very important historical event. I think it was very well written and managed to be both informative and respectful. Great work Crescentstar.

It is difficult to capture the events of war in the viewpoints of the civilians involved - but this story did so nearly flawlessly. There were several grammatical mistakes here and there, but there was no noticeable issue. Amazing story.

This was a good story on the rape of Nanchang or something like that.
Although I don't think you should have done it from the Japanese's perspective. They also did it to Korea and other parts of Asia as well.
They also did supposed human experiments and killed pregnant women and shot at medics.

Wonderful story, great imagery and building of character personalities. As far as historical accuracy goes, I found every point was accurate. The "shooting competitions" at the Yangtz river, support of John Rabe to the refugees of Nanking, the fliers dropped ordering surrender in 24 hours; to name a few were historically accurate. Also, the backstory at the start was very informative and well written. I observed very little to no typos in the whole story. The best part about this were the realistic emotions of the protagonist. How the different choices we make changes her views drastically, the emotions and feelings she felt when her family was murdered. In fact, the fact that the characters were very well developed, to a point where they meant something to the reader and when they were suddenly murdered; the pang and guilt that the protagonist felt could really resonate with the reader. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

Pretty good, I liked it (for historical fiction)

This story brought tears to my eyes

nice.

My soul has plummetted and I love you

This is a beautiful story, considering i am acually from chinese decent. I liked it, it was full of dialouge and action, but and could be longer. Thank you!

This is a very well-written story and open my eyes to an event I did not even know happened. The author clearly worked hard to study the subject and was very creative in how the story was written. My only suggestion would be that the first page is a bit confusing and I don’t understand why you didn’t just put the first few pages in order. But The rest of the story played out very logically to navigate. Overall, a great story and I highly recommend it to anyone who is old enough to stomach the mature themes that this story covers.

It was great but a little short, I would love to see it lengthened.

five stars

this was soooooooooooooo off track!!some parts of The storyline made no sense!!I thought this would be 1 of the sad stories,NOPE I thought wrong apparently!!!!THIS IS A NONSENSE STORYLINE!!like 5 pages u can only do 1 thing,come on!!!

LONG STORY SHORT,THIS GAME SUCKS!! 1/10 (p.s. the 1 is 4 the time and effort u put into this)

Rarely does something I read make me feel physically ill. The fact that I myself have researched the Nanking massacre makes this all the more awful as what happens in this "story" is real. A well written, gripping, heart wrenching showcase of the brutality of humanity. Pay attention to the author's notes and warnings before going down this path - it will affect you. But isn't that what every well written tale - true or fiction is supposed to do? A courageous bit of writing. I would give it a full rating just for the author having the stomach to write it.

That was horribly gruesome but it was probably the best thing I have ever read on CYS! I am literally gonna copy the link to this story and send it to my friends! :D I hope I can write like that one day..

Made me feel ;(

i wish there were more branches but other wise good

Great story. A few spelling errors and one or two tense issues, but otherwise very cleanly written. The story was emotional, and well thought out. It gave just enough descriptors to be able to imagine the writing in my head, as if I were seeing scenes from a movie, while not having so many as to restrict my imagination. Characters were well introduced, and the branching was nice. Not many stories branch as cleanly and clearly as this one. Every time I went down another path, it felt like a whole new story.

Of course, with every light, there is a shadow. I had 2 main issues here. One is the length. While this was a moderately long length, it felt like it could be longer. It just felt like you just ended the story right before the climax, and remedied that by introducing a smaller, less emotional and intensive one. The second I feel like is a common failure for most writers when writing about teenagers and sometimes tweens, so don't feel like you uniquely failed in this aspect: You treated your characters like they were badass soldiers on a death march. At first, everything was fine, you could connect to the characters, and they felt like they could even just come to life if you wanted them to. However, about halfway through, a couple pages after you meet Bayon, Hauxing, and the gang, it feels like they went from these scared teenagers who just lost everything they ever had, the only thing they'd ever had, to these macho soldiers who knew nothing about fear (And fear of the Japs was originally one of the cruxes of the story), and who were willing to put their lives on the line just to kill people invading their homes. I was fine with the change, but I thought it could have been a smoother transition. Or at least had a transition at all. The closest we get to a transition is Hauxing being shot, and that was well after the change from scared to fearless had already happened. A smaller, minor problem I had with this story, was the lack of character depth in minor plot characters (I.E. Miner, Dr. Wilson, etc)

TL;DR Great story, well thought out, must read, but with only a small climax.

Incredible.

Usually, I don't find edutainment stories to be all that great, but this one is definitely one of the best storygames i've read in a while.

I absolutely love the fact that it's based off of true events, and what made this even better was how well written it was. The writing in this storygame was of course, amazing, and there was a surplus of character development and detail. This made for a very well rounded CYOA, and it covered the event very well and it's definitely entertaining to learn about by reading this storygame.

Like I said, there's a lot of detail and character development, which is a very impressive thing. Mainly because storygames with so much description usually lose readers interest about a quarter into reading it. But I wasn't bored for a moment while reading this. The well developed characters with consistent and strongly provided personalities and behavior made it all the more excellent.

The branching was also impressive, and the meaningful choices definitely make reading this worthwhile. I'd no doubt recommend this storygame to new members.

There were a few flaws, however. I spotted a few spelling and grammar issues, but nothing major.

Also, a few of the situations were rather illogical, but still well written nonetheless.

Overall, a beautifully written piece that covers an intriguing historical event. Well done, I look forward to your future storygames. 7/8.

Well-written but could be more engaging. 4/8

What a fantastic game. I enjoyed playing this. It was tragic, but also touched my heart. My hat is off to you.

I'm quite impressed by this story. It's an excellent contest entry thematically & a solid addition to the edutainment category. Nearly left a comment after only two read-throughs and would have missed a major story shift had I done so which would have been a pity. Thank you for your contribution. I will be reading your other stories in time.

To say this story surprised me would be a gross understatement. It's rare to see a CYoA tackle a historically significant event, instead of the usual flights of fancy into damsels and dragons. Further more surprising is the choice of the setting, a time of great sorrow. For the life of me, I have no idea why someone as young as Crescent would be motivated to cover the Nanking massacre as a story, and the fact that the issue is treated fairly sensitively is heartening.

This story is excellent, the characters are well thought out and have meaningful motivations and backstories, and at multiple moments I was admiring the craft put into the setting and the actions of the cast. This story gets a lot of things right. The tone, the graphical descriptions, a good number of the choices, and the flashbacks were all successful in creating a heavy, dark, and yet substantial atmosphere.

I would have liked to have had two more things in particular: The choice to convince/coerce Huanxing to not go (instead of just deciding your own level of involvement), and for the route where you kill a soldier with your own hands to have had a greater impact on the ending. The epilogue endings did not make much sense to me, and I couldn't figure out exactly how they were intended to complete the story. That said, this being historical fiction the strange endings weren't nearly as harmful to the experience as would have been the case in a more speculative/fantasy based genre. The tone was slightly off at moments (good guys out there), which I attribute more to the writer being young than anything else. There were tiny grammatical mistakes (an automobile, your/you're, Our hearts ARE what drives us, understaffed not low staffed), but thankfully they were nothing distracting.

There are a few things that could have been expanded in the backstory to make the story richer. You could have mentioned that the residents were aware of the incidents that had happened in Shanghai to the civilians (which wasn't outright mentioned, making some of the early reactions and Japanophobia seem a bit too extreme without context). You could have mentioned that Nanjing was the capital of the Chinese government of the point, with a population in the couple hundred thousand, and the safe zone was being run by maybe 27 foreigners. You could have mentioned that the government had fled the city yet had made it nearly impossible for the citizens to evacuate. You could have also set the tone by mentioning how Chinese soldiers were found getting drunk around Dec 8-10 in anticipation of the inevitable collapse of the defenders. All are optional content, but add to the richness of the experience.

Once again, I am significantly impressed by the story and the author, and I believe the site is richer for this story. I'd gladly recommend this story to people I know.

Beautifully written and a fairly accurate depiction of one of China's many dark periods of history, particularly strong characterisations :D An excellent story.

This was so visceral! You really felt all the character's emotions and saw what they saw. Really spelt out how human beings could see other humans as 'lesser' and how fragile a grip we have on humanity - how other people's actions can draw us to commit similarly terrible actions. Well done!