Player Comments on Will You Rat Them Out?

Pretty good, although short. I can tell this was made by a younger kid. Keep up the good work!

So basically, I’m a gossip? Well, that’s not a curse, that’s my life :D The intro sentence is a bit inelegant and your sentences would benefit from being in paragraphs. Happily, I seem to have memorized the Detroit subway timetable and having run away from mum I’m happy to run away from my sister too (why on earth doesn’t she just get in the taxi with me?). The ending was a bit weird and sudden and the phrase “Now you’re in big doodle” is not one I would have chosen to end the story on.

This story has promise. The premise is interesting, if a bit casual (we’re basically abandoning our mother because “she’s not enough for us”?) and there was some good branching here. There were plenty of grammar errors though and your sentences would be better in paragraphs but it’s a promising start and the kind of story I’d like to see developed further. I’ll give this a 4/8 because it did entertain me for 5 minutes but on the whole it’s too short and should be worked on a bit more. Good start though 😊

Hey, congrats on publishing your first story!

I think you're really good at writing dialogue, but you might want to take a look at some more stories before publishing.

I think the idea of a curse where you're compelled to snitch on people is quite compelling actually. In fact, the premise sort of reminds me of Ella Enchanted, and that was a really fun movie.

But you end it too soon. So from what I can tell, you wake up, either resist the compulsion to tattle and run away with your sister Kacy, or you tattle on her.

The tattling path ends prematurely, with your mom mysteriously falling out of a window. I feel like you have to give it some build up, and actually write a few more events leading up to the conclusion.

And that's the major issue. Things sort of happen, but I would definetly like to see a more gradual progression.

Overall, not bad and it's commendable that you published for your first time, but you can do better.