Player Comments on zExpedition Aquarius

I enjoyed the story even though I didn't fully understand what was happening. I was still drawn to the next page until I got to a few of the ends. Good story.

Nice, very cool.

I think I have a couple of theories, although I am not entirely sure what is going on.

Are you planning on expanding this at any point?

This story isn't incomprehensible because it's essentially a novel's worth of mythology condensed into a 2000-word synopsis, but because the writing is extremely overwrought. Every single sentence is an overworked epic of misplaced modifiers, making this story read like an entry for the Bulwer Lytton Contest.

Take this sentence:

"Sergeants Cain and Abel took their decisive steps under an enormous arch that rose out of the water like two giant arms stretching out to their dying star."

In addition to the Biblical reference, which doesn't seem to go anywhere, the only noun in this line that isn't modified with a descriptor of some kind is "water"... and I can now imagine the author wishing he had inserted another adjective here, like maybe "the turgid water."

Each of these sentences is so precious, so overloaded with presumed meaning, that they collapse under their own weight. It is difficult to see the difference between the writing here and this actual 2019 Grand Prize Winner of the Bulwer Lytton Contest:

"Space Fleet Commander Brad Brad sat in silence, surrounded by a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, maintaining the same forlorn frown that had been fixed upon his face since he’d accidentally destroyed the phenomenon known as time, thirteen inches ago." (See for yourself at https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2019.)

Basically, what I'm saying is that this story doesn't fail because it doesn't explain enough. I'm suggesting it fails because of an over-reliance on words that say nothing at all.

I didn't understand fuck. Still very well written, It has aliens.

I think I basically said everything I had to say in the Tiny 'Topia thread, but I'd like to challenge any readers to figure out just what the heck is going on here without resorting to the cheat sheet Enter posted there.

While this was kinda bewildering, I'll just say that the writing and premise grabbed my attention hard enough to have me reading and rereading it just trying to figure it all out the night it was written. I wouldn't give so much attention to something that wasn't good.

Confusing, but compelling. It's well-written but multiple POVs and a complicated plot and world make it hard to follow in places.

Also, the first choice of the game leads to a game end in one path which is a bit frustrating.

I do like that the titles add flavor and perspective to the story.