Player Comments on A tale of love and hate..
Although this story was well written, it's very different from the typical CYOA found on this site- not that that's necessarily a bad thing!
For me, the main issues were spacing, length of paragraphs, and lack of choice (I only came across two real decisions).
Concerning the first two, to give you an idea: when I originally opened this story, I was immediately taken aback by the huge paragraphs on the page. I often found myself skimming through lines- but not because the story was boring. I only did so because of the gargantuan size they ended up accumulating to. I would recommend that, if you were to make a story in the future, you used proper spacing- it's a great way to convey emotion and separate ideas.
As for choice, you have to remember that this site *is* called "Choose your Story"! When there are only three endings that you have to offer- as you say in your summary- the story becomes very linear- as you also happen to say. This would not be an issue if the choices weren't so... clear, for lack of a better word. When choices immediately lead to cookie-cutter endings, it becomes quite bland. It also makes the reader feel like the true ending is Helena's- which is something you don't want to do. Try to make each choice feel solid.
However, apart from this, the only flaws I could find were an underuse of commas where needed, and not separating the dialogue with spacing. Be that as it may be, this is still one of the better stories on this site. I congratulate you on writing it, and give it a 5/8.
on 3/11/2017 1:29:54 PM with a score of 0
your the worst writer and it was too long it took me 100 years to finish this story
-- jacklevop liuyt on 12/28/2018 3:28:03 PM with a score of 0
That was cool
on 10/26/2018 9:09:59 PM with a score of 0
it was a cute story but it had no back bone. i chose to stay true to Helene because love is nothing if not durable, but it didn't make me feel anything. The story dragged me along with cold indifference, and honestly it was just boring. i wouldnt totally recommend but if you just want a quick thing to do if youre bored then go ahead.
-- brooke on 7/8/2018 12:29:52 AM with a score of 0
on 5/3/2018 10:26:57 AM with a score of 0
-- Amanda Moore on 4/26/2018 2:07:58 PM with a score of 0
Wow. I was completely caught off guard on the first page simply because of how long it was! I had to change my thought process from the "fast-paced" decisions to more "story-based" decisions. When I made the switch, though, I really enjoyed the story. It was well written and, of course, I'm a sucker for love so my opinion is a bit biased. *wink*
on 3/15/2017 5:17:43 PM with a score of 0
This is a very nice game, I don't mind the long paragraphs. I loved the way this was written, and the endings which you could choose.
on 3/13/2017 1:13:07 PM with a score of 0
Thank you for the beautiful story. I haven't been lucky in love and, therefore, don't read romantic stuff. But...I read your story and liked it. :)
on 2/26/2017 11:21:36 PM with a score of 0
Really good teaches that true love isn't like the illusions of society and isn't about lust or greed and true love leads to true happiness
-- Frank on 6/22/2016 11:02:54 PM with a score of 0
lovely fantastic romantic amazing story line loved it
-- fellow person on 1/20/2016 7:16:07 PM with a score of 0
Amazing just amazing, in the routes that left Ferdinand with someone else other than Helen I felt so sad for Helen especially Nicole's Route.
You are A great Writer.
-- Luna Celest on 10/21/2015 7:01:14 AM with a score of 0
so nice >_<
on 9/28/2015 6:26:56 PM with a score of 0
Very well done, not too many choices but it was a very good story :)
-- Takozilla on 6/21/2015 5:49:38 AM with a score of 0
It was simple, realistic and yet very enchanting :)
on 6/11/2015 12:43:11 PM with a score of 0
This was a amazing story
on 4/3/2015 2:22:13 PM with a score of 0
I left Hellene for Nicole. Ha! It was nice... NOT. Quite short, but a sweet story. I guess.
-- Pinkiepie4449 on 4/1/2015 6:06:15 PM with a score of 0
It is a very sweet story it actually tells me a lot about life,about patience and I really love these kind of stories and even if story was real and they would make a movie I will be the first one sitting there with a wide smile watching this story I will take it to the oscars if I could really a good job ????????
-- Shrdha Lalwani on 3/9/2015 10:05:35 PM with a score of 0
I stuck with Helene through the end. . .
Very nice plot and over all story.
on 2/17/2015 11:58:59 AM with a score of 0
A nice story. ends a bit quick, but leaves you satisfied.
-- Wisdom on 1/18/2015 2:23:33 AM with a score of 0
Quite short, but I still love it.
on 12/28/2014 4:09:43 PM with a score of 0
I didn't rate this as high as I normally would because I love choices in a story game and I don't like pages to be so long. In a normal book it is fine, I have no problems with long books, but for some reason it really bothers me, it's nothing personal. On the other hand it was a beautifully written story with great character development. I hope I helps and keep writing:)
on 12/27/2014 3:31:14 PM with a score of 0
Very nicely done. It would be easier to read if there were a few more paragraph breaks though.
on 12/26/2014 12:39:33 AM with a score of 0
I liked this game a lot but possessing way too much free time for my own good I've got too much feedback for a comment box so I'll message it to read or delete as you like :) Great game though, good writing and plot :D
on 12/17/2014 9:01:49 PM with a score of 0
Please leave your comments and criticism, good or bad. It will help me improve my next stories. Thank you. :-)
on 12/17/2014 10:46:09 AM with a score of 0