Player Comments on Are You Chicken?

Well. This story was a lot better than I remembered it being.

First off, as apparent from the first page; you need to break up your text a little and put some paragraphs in.

The second thing I can tell from the very first page is that you haven't been proofreading your writing much, which you should really do since we are all nit picky about grammar here :P

"Exept for one which looks fine (exept for the wildly grown back and front yards)."
Though, seeing as how you spelled "except" the same way, maybe you should consult a dictionary instead.

Now, ignoring the various spelling mistakes in this storygame (and there are plenty of them), there's a few more things I'd like to point out.

The constant use of "you" as the first word of each sentence.
Take this excerpt for example;

You decide to go through the hole. You get on your hands and knees and go through. The bits of wire poke into you and make you bleed. You finally get through and look at your sores. Jamie and Alex follow. You make your way up to the house and Jamie comes up next to you. You knock on the door. Nobody answers. The door then creeks open and you walk in. You look around at the old fashoined house and you think it is very creepy. You walk over to the stair case and start going up. Alex asks "Do you think this is a good idea?". You look at her. She is usually right about this stuff but you can hardly resist going up the stairs. You say to her..."

There was 9 sentences that started with "You".
I don't know about everyone else but repetitive sentence structure is a huge no-no for me.
Try starting with a verb or combining some of the sentences.
That goes for the whole story, and definitely not just this one paragraph since your entire storygame does have the commonality of at least half of the writing on the page starting with "You".

Now, moving on; the story does have a comprehensive message of "don't pollute" (hmm I wonder if that's due to the whole "almost every single ending page has DONT POLLUTE" or a version of that :P), but I feel you really could have done more.
You basically had them vomit exposition at you towards the end, and I really would have liked a longer story and less "give you the backstories in this huge paragraph" and more maybe poke around to find out more about them.
I like this idea, I really do. But its such a letdown when the exciting part is over in 3 clicks.
At least you had a fair amount of writing and more plot than most!
3/8.
-- Seto on 11/23/2017 6:13:30 PM with a score of 0
Quality Content
-- Chess on 4/11/2018 12:03:54 PM with a score of 0
Yay I lived
-- CeruleanFlare on 12/17/2016 10:22:36 AM with a score of 0
it was nice kinda twisted but good if you really think about it it could be a movie of some type but anyways nice... ??
-- anonymous on 9/6/2016 4:22:30 PM with a score of 0
I don't even know...
-- Girl America on 6/27/2016 7:17:15 PM with a score of 0
Wow. What an horrible grammar. The grammar is of an 8-year old child. And the story sucks.
0/10
-- Deadly Lion on 4/21/2016 1:50:48 PM with a score of 0
Don't pollute, kids!
-- lolitup4 on 4/7/2016 3:27:57 PM with a score of 0
Yup. Good game. Just fix the spelling and you my friend are good.
-- Brennonwilson1 on 4/4/2016 5:37:44 AM with a score of 0
SPELLING! GRAMMAR! These are the things you need to improve the most upon. For example, I have already seen a few mistakes...
-- CurseOfTime on 3/26/2016 1:00:55 PM with a score of 0
Great game
-- Seemlater01 on 3/26/2016 6:34:01 AM with a score of 0
Fun, a few spelling errors but otherwise well thought out and entertaining. Definitely worth replaying but needs to be proofread again or tested by someone else.
-- Cinderblaze on 2/15/2016 9:04:40 PM with a score of 0
Well, I didn't die, so... yay? It seems like this is one of those things where whatever happens in your dream can kill you, or... something like that. Fun, though, but some grammar is off.
-- GMB13carat on 7/7/2015 9:20:25 PM with a score of 0
This was a fun game that brings a funny twist at the end. Unfortunately, I died...
-- Emily on 6/15/2015 8:40:42 AM with a score of 0
Good I guess but y'all need to put more correct spelling grammar in this
-- Countrygirl16 on 5/2/2015 12:51:16 PM with a score of 0
It was okaaayyyyy...
-- Bonbon11 on 3/29/2015 1:19:18 PM with a score of 0
Decent story. A few spelling errors to correct. I like the effort which has been put in to describe the scenes.
-- Jordi P on 2/3/2015 12:16:58 PM with a score of 0
This is kinda cool but a lot of reading
-- Hannah on 12/28/2014 6:17:35 PM with a score of 0
Hmmm....
-- QlhAah123 on 10/2/2014 2:05:16 AM with a score of 0
Not that good
-- Allen on 8/28/2014 6:26:13 PM with a score of 0
I am no chicken! I got the best ending...
-- Malkalack on 8/10/2014 11:12:58 AM with a score of 0
At the same exact day that my science pollution essay was due! It was good, just had a little bit of spelling mistakes, but that barely affected my opinion of this story.
-- Rockdude11 on 3/3/2014 11:23:59 AM with a score of 0
Okay, I learned something from the story.
-- dbzfan94 on 10/6/2013 9:07:35 AM with a score of 0
I won!!!(nobody kill me!)$$$@@@^^^

-- justin on 9/21/2013 6:33:45 AM with a score of 0
Great story. I was thinking- "When was I going to see the moral?"
-- harrypotter on 5/20/2013 9:08:52 PM with a score of 0
meh. Average rating from this psychopath.
-- Psychotikitty on 4/15/2013 5:53:32 PM with a score of 0
this game is unfair
-- ck23838 on 4/5/2013 7:26:34 AM with a score of 0
It was awesome and epic, but you never told me if I was chicken or not....
-- miss_natalo on 2/20/2013 5:09:58 PM with a score of 0
Well, I died, but at least I'm not a chicken! ^_^
-- Briar_Rose on 11/23/2012 7:18:12 AM with a score of 0
Well, I like the messages on not to pollute and the storyline is decent. It would be better if it was longer and had a little more branching.
-- Xt1000305 on 10/20/2012 10:26:57 AM with a score of 0
It's spelled pollute, just so you know.
-- cjoll4 on 9/14/2012 10:03:27 PM with a score of 0
don't pollute i love this game short and awesome next time try to make it longer 6/8
-- bells23 on 5/17/2012 11:50:44 AM with a score of 0
Aside from any message that exists within the story, there are approximately three unique choices which all lead to the same generic place with a silly 'big reveal' and subsequent choice of dialogue which all result in death, save one which results in an 'it was all a dream' scenario.

And if you 'chicken out' you get the 'don't pollute' message without context.

Essentially, the story is silly. However, it then tries to convey a serious message by using the ridiculous story to support its view.

I agree, don't pollute. But c'mon, this is terrible. And you misspelled pollute - which, given that the message occurs in every ending (Which is to say, both of them)I'm surprised you didn't notice). This is on top of a slew of less remarkable misspellings.

Before you criticise me for taking what is a juvenile story seriously, consider this; by representing the dangers of pollution in such a ri
-- Forge on 3/28/2012 12:10:23 PM with a score of 0
I didn't realize how political this was going to be when I started. I forgive you, though. It was entertaining.
-- raptor7 on 10/15/2011 12:17:40 AM with a score of 0
it was scary to begin with, but then it just got ridiculous. And then it ended so innocently... cute :/
-- Savannah.Peony on 9/30/2011 9:54:50 AM with a score of 0
Yep!
-- bucket on 9/28/2011 5:24:19 PM with a score of 0
it was... ok. 4/8
-- ThisisBo on 7/18/2011 7:46:03 PM with a score of 0
Decent story, but the ending was kind of lame because there wasn't enough suspense for it. And while you described what happened to the people, "slimey mummies" isn't exactly a good description for how they are now. I kind of wish you would have described the area a bit more, too. Especially inside the house.
-- jkulibert2 on 5/8/2011 9:13:00 AM with a score of 0
it says that you die unless you go a certain way. whats up with that?
-- fergie14233 on 11/1/2010 10:22:49 PM with a score of 0
Not too bad--a little abrupt and more buildup to the capture would be good, but it is interesting nevertheless. The ending was pretty good, but seemed that it might be a little bit cliche. Still, pretty good.
-- Trzcina on 12/29/2009 11:17:52 PM with a score of 0
Yes I am!
-- checker444 on 4/16/2009 6:19:45 PM with a score of 0
that was pretty good!
-- emma101rox on 4/9/2008 10:09:32 PM with a score of 0
The sentences bordered on run-on, but it kept me interested. This seems like it should be in horror though.
-- Melike on 4/6/2008 3:14:24 PM with a score of 0
This is better than crazy High-Scoolas doing the chicken dance!
-- weru234 on 3/25/2008 5:25:29 PM with a score of 0
I'm chicken... BAWK BAWK BAWK!!!
-- Expander on 1/13/2008 12:00:20 PM with a score of 0
I actually played this a few weeks ago, but I must have been logged off at the time, because I don't appear to have rated it. I don't really see the need to write a comment (I must agree with the common opinion below), although I would like to ask a question: what motivated you to write this?
-- Sir_Lancegalawain on 12/31/2006 5:55:37 PM with a score of 0
I am at quite a loss for words... Wait here are three, WHAT THE HECK?
-- PrinceOProvidence on 12/1/2006 11:18:49 PM with a score of 0
"so we killed Ted and started our own language"?!
(dont polute)
-- Sethaniel on 10/13/2006 12:06:44 AM with a score of 0
Hrm, pretty good. Interesting story and reasonably well written.
-- madglee on 9/19/2006 9:27:08 PM with a score of 0
Bad.
-- October on 9/8/2006 2:36:57 AM with a score of 0
Bad.
-- da R to the A to the...I can keep this up... on 1/14/2006 2:04:49 PM with a score of 0
Yup. Another game with oo much writing.
-- da Ravemaster308 on 1/12/2006 9:04:15 PM with a score of 0
FAIRLY GOOD.
-- JJJ on 10/17/2005 6:17:41 PM with a score of 0
RATED
-- havacoman on 9/6/2005 10:02:16 PM with a score of 0
it was to short and weird
-- laura on 8/2/2005 6:48:39 PM with a score of 0
dis was da gayest game eva fletch........
wat kind of name is fudge??
-- Martin on 7/27/2005 7:53:38 PM with a score of 0
That was a nice game. I almost didn't notice it on the new games. It isn't an advanced game so I can't really grade a person on that. The storyline was very original. I'm glad. Make more original games.
-- Havacoman on 7/23/2005 11:25:11 PM with a score of 0
Very good. I didn't like that I diedm though.
-- Blinky on 7/23/2005 7:48:06 PM with a score of 0
... kinda predictable, not much real plot or story line, but i've seen worse. Far worse.
-- march5th00 on 7/23/2005 2:25:26 AM with a score of 0
Hey Fletch great story!!! I died pretty early and couldn't b stuffed goin back but from where i got up 2 it was fantastic. Good Job..
P.S. C U at skool ;)
-- wyatt on 7/23/2005 1:40:21 AM with a score of 0
kool
-- jared on 7/23/2005 12:46:49 AM with a score of 0
the game was wicked the end was funy but the nams and language was really weird
-- josh on 7/23/2005 12:28:13 AM with a score of 0
i followed Jamie and it kept getting confused. is Jamie a girl or boy? it kept saying "he and she" interchangably. correct this and it will be a good story.
-- nate on 7/22/2005 1:23:32 PM with a score of 0
good story
-- - on 7/22/2005 8:21:39 AM with a score of 0
Very good. You should have lost a few fingers or a leg, though.
-- on 7/22/2005 8:00:10 AM with a score of 0
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