This story is very well written. In part, I read this one because I read Xalen's comment, and as someone who has watched Yumekui Merry and read the manga, I want to say that Xalen's comment is not that fair.

Sure, the author copied some parts of the story, and I can see traces of the plot here and there, but the parallel plot adds to the story, and doesn't interfere with my enjoyment. Furthermore, the author also added much of his own creative element. In all, I think the author merely made the mistake of putting this story under the "Fantasy Adventure" category instead of "Fan fiction".

Great story, albeit short. The autor has a stylish way of writing and sets the atmosphere perfectly, his choice of words matching the setting of this confusing dream land. I just wish this were bigger :)

Oh, and a slight correction is needed: When running from the cats, if you choose to observe the spining top until it topples but happens to die afterwards, the game will forget it has already stopped spinning and you get to see it again ;)

Very mysterious, and nicely done. However, your pages are riddled with grammatical errors. Not sure if you wanna fix them or not.

For a multiple-part story, I hope the endings are linear, because I only reached one ending. Personally, I think you should implement Part 2 into this; it would make sense for readers with different endings.

Again, end of part I, noooooo. Why do I keep finding demos of stories and this isn't even a pay to play site.

Then again, the story was just about to kick up a notch and the quality of the prose was noticeably better. In the beginning I found painful things like this line:

She walks away deeper into the city, her slender figure made ample by her dress: long knee-length socks with black and white stripes alternating horizontally, white shorts, and a white cropped top. The most fascinating feature of the dress is two twirls of long flat stripes that hangs down from her sweater. nevertheless, she looks vulnerable and lonely among the looming edifice.

I kind of blame it on Twilight that everyone thinks it's a good idea to rob Thesaurus and look up fancier versions of the nice normal words you could have used. Luckily the author ran out of steam when you get down to the chasing sequence, which was actually pretty good.

It was high paced, readable and it did bring a rather tense mood. Really nice! It's a pity though that the author didn't maintain that very long. I burst out laughing when the mysterious girl thing was called merry winter/merry Christmas.

I also couldn't find a clear cut goal the character has and I feel that this wasn't on purpose, since it's unfinished. But even then, the author made me read several pages. I should have at least an idea what is going on.

Overall, average work, needs some rewriting in the first few pages and above all, it needs to be finished

I don't really like the manga it's based off of but I like the story.

6/10

I luved the game.it was very intresting. I wonder what I do.

Awesome story! Best story I've found on this website randomly so far =)

I just didn't understand it.

I NEED MOAR...

This is a great story. Wonder if I can reference it for a story I'm writing myself?