Desperate Heart

I found this story entertaining--not a whole lot of details, but this is a Choose Your Own Adventure thing and not a huge novel, so I can forgive that. Because of that, I don't mind the lack of development between Kei and Kite--and I'm sure much of it happened off-screen that just didn't get shown. But, regardless, I liked the story, loved the ending I got--twisted and I was okay with the maturity, but it was really sweet. My only REAL nitpick is the lack of back-story; I would've enjoyed more of that, but I can forgive it.

A little too brief and short for my liking, but the writing is expressive and the length probably suited to people who only want to read a quick, short story. Feels like a summarized version of a much longer story, maybe of another game, perhaps? The options provided carried compelling emotional consequence, and the resulting description of the characters' state of mind was believable. Some parts of the writing could still use a better choice of words, i.e. there is still room for improvement. But then that could be said for just about all writing (regardless of author) and the quality here is still quite good and much better than most of the works on this site. Keep it up, would love to see more work from this author.

Went through a bunch of different paths. I liked how you integrated the CYS aspect with movements and feelings rather than only "choices." The writing is colorfully descriptive without being too descriptive, and it's unpretentious and clean. Each word seems to have been carefully chosen and placed. I really liked it. I want the tentacle rape scene put back in, though. Excellent work!

Ouch... warning, peoples. If you're looking for a fun, squishy romance, this is not the story for you. Heart-rending, but well-done, an interesting story and compelling plot.

It took me a couple plays to really appreciate this one; it comes off as very simple at first, but it evokes the sense of a well-developed world (albeit, one we don't get to see much of) behind it.

Not a lot of endings, from what I've seen though. And definitely nothing happy.

Cute, yet serious too, I like it.

good, but too short
I hope you will (or maybe have already?) make a proper game in this world/setting.

Some very deep notions here, as well as some good description. Though in some places the flow seemed a bit choppy. It could use some smoothing out. As well it always came to the same three options to end; there weren't really different paths so much as different sets of description to lead to the final three choices. Still, it was an evocative game and worth looking through.

the end...that was scary

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