Mystery / Puzzle
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played times (finished )
"trek through the forest"
"Make sure not to blink"
"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
Get outta there!
Nothing wrong with a classic escape the room puzzle, but there's just not much going on here, and in the less than 500 words I found several were misspelled. That...just shouldn't be happening at all. It's not hard to proofread 500 words.
So, wery linear, very VERY short, no real explanation about what's going on--at the ending there's mention of a 'creepy man' we supposedly saw the night before, but that was literally the first mention of him in the story.
Anyway, I feel like I've already put more thought into this comment than the author did with the whole game. Except for the spelling errors there's nothing too horrible here, there's just...nothing to say much about. Try making a game with some plot and detail and a variety of choices and outcomes. I'd say 2000 words is the absolute minimum for a story that doesn't feel like a waste of time in this format.
on 2/13/2020 8:23:56 PM with a score of 0
The things I liked: your grammar and spelling were nice! I also enjoy playing escape games - I've always been nostalgic for those old online ones where there's no plot, just you using your head.
Going into this, I was hoping it would be like that from the cold opening. I was disappointed. There seems to be a story, seeing as there's mentions of a kidnapper on the last page, however it's never mentioned in the actual escape part.
Your story is very linear, and it leaves a lot of questions: why are we in a locked room? what happened? who was the man? who is the MC?
There's no real risks either, seeing as MC can just pick any lock after finding one bobby pin. Apparently, they've done a lot of lock picking on their apartment lock, which probably broke it. Maybe that's how they got kidnapped.
The story length is very short too. About 7 pages, and only two endings. One is where you die.
This is your first story game, so I'm going to give you benefit of the doubt, because this seems like this was just practice with the editor. Take a look at some of the Help & Info articles, and maybe read some other story games. Like I said before, your writing is good, if simple. With some more practice, I'm sure your next story game will be much better! I'm going to have to give this a one.
on 2/13/2020 8:43:39 AM with a score of 0
It is extremely linear and with no plot whatsoever. This story would be far better if you actually give the character background and past and the choices weren't so linear the story is basically one narrow corridor with barely any differences. If you want to build horror, you have to create an atmosphere of the room and the emotional distress of the main protagonist. But that is impossible if the reader has no knowledge of the character and its past.
on 2/12/2020 7:06:37 PM with a score of 0
Show All Comments
Help & Info
Who Is Online
113 guests and
version 20200001 | ChooseYourStory © 2001 - 2020, Halogen Studios Entertainment |