Player Rating3.72/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 20 ratings since 10/11/2017
played 110 times (finished 25)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

The Xner company has shut down and the forces that threaten the survival of our team has advanced upon Jomebase. We are in a spot from which a true leader might arise. This is Exploron.

Player Comments

While the storyline and setup were quite good, I didn't see a lot of substance to this story. There wasn't a lot of detail and the sentences were choppy, like the bare bones. Only what you needed to know and no character development whatsoever. The protagonist doesn't have any traits and while the thought and idea is ok, you could have put so much more effort into this.
-- At_Your_Throat on 10/11/2017 11:33:17 PM with a score of 0
Also, a side note, try not to make the story too linear.
-- corgi213 on 10/11/2017 10:05:33 PM with a score of 0
Way too short. On the first page it seemed like you had started off with some good description of the background and setting up the story. Then after a few sentences the sentences got too short. It felt kind of choppy. It is a good idea but you need to develop and flesh out the story more. For example destroying the machine could cause the hostiles to retaliate instead of fleeing. Or there could be an option to take it over and use it to drive the hostiles out, or to defend against a counter attack.
From what it looks like when you wrote "end?" that you're going to be releasing this in separate installments.
This is a notoriously bad idea on this website as those usually don't go too well. Although what you can do is flesh out the characters and story, and make the story a decent length before leaving it off at a cliffhanger.
I liked the feel of it from the text style and the description, it made me think of those old sci-fi films or books. It had an awesome set up you just need to expand on it, maybe even read some other stories such as Eternal from EndMaster, or even the Homo Perfectus series from Sindriv. All in all keep writing because I think you have the potential to make some pretty great stories.
-- corgi213 on 10/11/2017 10:01:26 PM with a score of 0
Good framework for what could be a much more in depth story-line. Descriptions were good and the options were good at each stage, but seemed to loop back to the same result a bit too quickly, making game play short. Writing by this author has definitely improved and this feels like a more natural genre for their particular writing style - recommend expanding this world and plot for an enjoyable storygame. Thanks for submitting!
-- Guest on 10/11/2017 8:40:11 PM with a score of 0
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