High School Romance
Love & Dating
, #17 for
played 52,533 times (finished 2,803)
"walk in the park"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
You need a date for the homecoming dance! Can you find one in time?
Your very first game… and from a long time ago. How does it have so few comments? No matter, I’m here to put my two cents in. I have to admit, though, this is going to be tough: with the setup you’ve given in the comment and on the first page, I’m not getting my hopes up too high for this one, and I think that’s the point now. Well, if this shall be an example for others, I’ll attempt to help by attempting to clearly point out things that I think can be improved.
First page: “Hey, this is my first game.” You know, I get why people put that there. In fact, I’m pretty sure I have used almost those exact words. But that actually gets old quite quickly. After all, this story appears to be 12 years old when I’m writing this comment, and it will just get older. Again, I understand why people write that, but unless you’re sure you’re going to take the story down in a few days, I think that actually takes away from the story – it sets the story up for failure before we even start reading.
It’s a fair setup on the first page. I do really like that I’ve got a lot of options on the first page. SO many stories start out the first page with a link to the second page, so this is very nice for a choose your own story site. But that page could be developed a bit more to give hints or clues. I get that I don’t have a date and I’m shy, but I’m not completely sure which is my best avenue for success with these choices. Maybe that’s the point, but I like to perhaps have a little tiny hint or two as to which choices might work out better for me.
I went all out and for Kelly. My story ended quite quickly. It was nice that there was a pretty clear hint on that second page that I was going to go down in flames! That’s what I’m talking about when I mentioned little hints to help the reader select the option that will succeed. Playing again, I’m not sure I liked the colored dialogue. It is nice that it is clear when someone else is talking, but the red font confused me at first. I did manage to get the date, but only after clicking through a bit.
It was a nice, very short story. It does show potential and others who read this should be inspired by this as a starting point!
on 5/6/2018 10:54:14 PM
This is the very first story I wrote for this site. It's terrible, but I keep it up here to encourage other writers.
Even if your first story sucks as much as this one, you can get better.
on 5/27/2014 2:13:46 PM
Great Game! This was worth the time!
-- hi on 6/22/2018 10:03:01 PM
It was really good. But it is obviously better than mine. I don't know how to make one!
on 6/14/2018 4:08:43 PM
its boring because its not long enough
-- Zaquirah on 6/11/2018 10:43:28 AM
But I am not a boy...keep writing??
-- Anime_girl on 6/3/2018 3:25:02 PM
hey can we more of those please
-- lucy on 5/17/2018 10:25:10 AM
It was a bit short
-- Bobby on 5/5/2018 4:23:51 AM
I got it right the second time
-- boden on 4/30/2018 3:34:03 PM
-- Amanda Moore on 4/26/2018 2:44:44 PM
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