The Spanish Armada
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played 163 times (finished 16)
"run through the jungle"
"Not going to lose any sleep"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
The year is 1588. King Philip II, Catholic head of a vast Spanish Empire that stretches across the Americas and much of Europe, is poised to invade little England with a vast fleet of 130 ships and 55,000 men, only the little English fleet stands in his path... In this story you play the role of Martin Bertendona, one of the ten Squadron commanders in the Fleet. With deadly challenges and difficult decisions you will do well just to survive, let alone avoid the dangers of either capture or imprisonment in these dangerous times... This is my 20th story game, a personal milestone, but one of my shortest yet coming in at around 40 pages. It is not my entry for the 2019 competition, I am still working on that, just a little story I threw together when I had a few days off work combining my twin loves of history and people having unpleasant experiences at sea :D I hope you enjoy it.
Holy crap this thing is jam-packed full of historical facts and data. The first page alone taught me more about the Spanish Armada than public school ever did! Not a huge fan of being forced to pick up the cast list though. It seems like a strange way to introduce other historical characters. I just don’t like the word ‘cast’ in this case because this isn’t a play, movie, or TV show. I think the writing quality and historical data doesn’t match calling it a ‘cast list’. The writing is super professional and informative, but the cast list brings it down a notch in my opinion. I will say that the idea to put the historical figures into an item is a great idea. There were several times where a name was mentioned and I had to Conor McGregor them (who the fook is this guy?). The fact that each person was included in my inventory was a huge help. It was accessible at any point during the game. Just wish it was called something different (ok I’ll shut up about that now). I think the author did a tremendous job depicting the grand scale of the Armada. I mean one ship is huge, but we’re talking about hundreds here! I did get the feeling that my choices mattered, although I’m a few pages in during this sentence and haven’t crossed an end game link yet. Either I’m really good at this game, or the author made an easy game... most likely the former.
I don’t normally mention spelling and grammar in reviews unless it’s awful, but I feel inclined to mention there weren’t any problems in this storygame. If an Edutainment has issues with spelling and grammar, it ruins its credibility of any included historical facts.
A great factor that the author included was giving the option to see the fates of the Spanish Commanders in the conclusion. It turns out I made bad choices and ended up dead, but I guess you can't expect a lot from a Plat level League of Legends player. I thought including the fates of the commanders was a smart thing to include because the goal of an Edutainment is to inform in a fun way. Despite making awful choices in game (which I learned first-hand), you get to see the results from true historical events. It would have been cool to add a point system to see which decisions were actually correct. Maybe all of mine were wrong though and that’s why I died. I think this storygame was very well done for what it was. It’s not life changing, but it’s informative in a fun format which is all you want from an Edutainment.
on 3/12/2019 2:07:38 PM with a score of 0
First, congratulations on completing your 20th story! Great job. This was an interesting subject and indeed, as you mention in the conclusion, it's interesting to consider the possible outcomes had things gone differently. How different might the world be had England been defeated?
So, I enjoyed this. I'm a big fan of "Life's hard. Then you die." This was a situation that reflects that. Sometimes (often), nothing lines up and the mightiest will fall.
What would improve this? I'd start with some changes dealing with the presentation. On the first page, you write "PLEASE PICK UP THE CAST LIST" above the item, followed by the link to the next page. It commits one of the greatest sins: breaking immersion. This could easily be dealt with by cutting the instruction and putting an item restriction on the link to the next page. When you pick up the item, the link would appear during the page refresh. Another option with it would be to cut the instruction and allow the player to grab the cast list or move forward unmolested. I would recommend the latter as the item has no bearing (as far as I could tell) on the story.
Another thing is when you use the cast list, you don't provide a link to the previous page, relying on the default message or other controls to return to the game. This has the same impact on immersion because the player leaves the primary content area to get back to the game. It's better to just include a standard link, otherwise it feels just a little bit sloppy.
There were a few minor proofreading errors that I found. During the Duke's reaction to the storm, you wrote "that was has just happened" when I believe you meant "that what has just happened". When the protagonist falls to his death, you switched verb tense mid-sentence with "lost your grip".
One other recommendation, vice correction, is that some of your sentences run a little long. Not a big deal, but it might make it a little easier for the reader during certain scenes to keep them bite-sized. Overall, the writing was good.
I think you're a good writer, clearly interested in what you are writing about, and I am impressed by how much you have contributed to the site. Great job!
on 3/3/2019 1:43:43 AM with a score of 0
Your Edutainment stories are usually fun to play and informative, and this one was no exception. What I have to point out, though, is that it's rather evident that this was a small story you threw together in little to no time, as you said in the description. There's nothing wrong with shorter games, but this one lacked one last step of polish to be considered on par with some of your previous ones.
You made more errors than usual (apart from the grammar ones, I also remember reading about the Spanish Armada attacking Spain) and the finale was of course known and fixed, but it still managed to shed some light on the kinds of difficult decisions those men had to face during their troubled journey.
Not one of your best but still a nice historical storygame.
on 3/4/2019 6:46:45 PM with a score of 0
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