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Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago
I am finished with my first storygame. Is there anything I need to do before I publish it.
(For example, get someone to read it and tell me what they think about it?)

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago

Probably best to have a experianced writer read your story and comment on grammer, mistakes, plot, and that kind of thing.

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago
Okay.

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago
But whom?

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago

I don't know. Just PM someone with an active member or something.

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago
Thanks.

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago

Normally you would post in writing workshop asking for feedback.

But I can give you mine right here.

1.) The writing is decent, especially for an animal story, but you don't do much with it. It's far too short. When you boil it down there's really only two choices. (the fox's breed is a purely cosmetic one, even if you did take the time to swap around a couple of things about the setting, the story itself is structured identically all three times) 

2.) We'd have to call in @jamescoker1226, resident Fox Expert to be sure, but I'm fairly certain foxes of any description don't go around chasing zebras or deer.

3.) I'm really not understanding the 'wait around' choices. The fox just saw the object, the animal they were chasing jumped over it and then they stopped to look it over, so presumably it's sitting right there. Why the need for a choice to sit and wait for it to come back? I'm assuming you meant the fox saw it sailing by, but the actual words written directly contradict that.

4.) The plot is just...well, short, like I said. I'm not really sure of the point. Fox sees a thing, has to guess what they've seen, the end. I'd recommend either dropping the 'pick a breed' aspect all together and focus on adding a lot more choices and things actually happening to just one fox, or else have mini adventures that are significantly different happening to each of them if you really want to keep all three. Either way, this needs to be expanded quite a bit. 

 

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago

Foxes do not prey on healthy, adult deer. However, red foxes have been known to eat fawns, usually those belonging to a doe who gave birth to twins and can't adequately defend both at the same time. There are no recorded instances of fox-zebra depredation.

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago
Ok. Thanks

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago

You're welcome.

My fee for consultations is $50 a post. Would you rather pay by cash, check, or card?

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago

Uh-oh. Well, bye, I think I might need to......go to a different nation for no reason relating to money debts, okay? Bye...............

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago

Would have been $50 a letter if you were smart.

(That'll be $1,850, thanks.)

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago

Offer to pay in live rabbits.

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago
You can't use money. You're just a fox. You can't even talk.

Publishing a Storygame

8 years ago

Read your story and if you like it, post it or if you don't like it start 100% over.