For End Master's Manifest Destiny Contest. Expanding horizons and all that.

You grew up here. All you've ever known is sitting in your little box of metal. Daddy takes care of you. He says the world is dangerous, that there are monsters looking to take you away. He protects you. At least, that's what he tells you. You know better...

(You are Tess, an 11-year-old girl who was abducted as an infant and grew up inside a cage that 'Daddy' built for you in the basement.)

WARNING     WARNING      WARNING

This story contains graphic depictions of violence, nonconsensual sex, and other sensitive topics. If any of these are triggers for you, I IMPLORE you not to read this. This does not reflect my personal views in any way. So in other words: This shit WILL be downright disturbing. Don't bitch if you get uncomfortable because that is the point. Thank you and have a wonderful read!

There are 26 endings. Play to see them all.

You met on a local hiking trail, both looking for an abandoned town rumored to be out there. It was clearly meant to be.

There are seven endings.

An entry into EndMaster's Prompt Contest 2

You can hear it ringing again. The endless droll of mechanical laughter that mocks you. Without fail, it rings at precisely 3:02 in the morning, never a good nights sleep allowed. Some days you yearn to smash it, others you let it ring until you think you may go deaf. And even still others lead you to answering...

the phone call.

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Just an extremely, bare minimum game (though this says nothing of quality) to test the waters on this site before I finish up the game I've been chipping away at for almost two years. Don't expect too much from it, I just wanted to tell a simple and short story!

Less depraved, I hope, but yes! This one is more.. eldritch horror or supernatural thriller. Depends on the route taken of course lol

Mystery/Thriller

Could also be put into horror but I want to lean more into the mystery/investigatory elements 

I joined half a month late, but that still gives me almost too much time. Wrote up the first page already and have a partial map of the story but not planning on slowing down just yet. Most likely going to finish mapping the initial concept I had first then see where I can add more branches for further variability. I only have 1k words so far and a single page, but I feel if I know where things are going I can keep everything way more cohesive. I almost feel that I have too much time to write this and I'll bite off more than I can chew but I'll be sure to get this done.

As things are right now, I just have a bunch of journals where I'm keeping track of all the 'paths' that are going to be possible but I can't help but wonder whether there's a better way to be doing that. Any suggestions before I get too far into the planning process that I don't feel like converting it into a new format?

I'm not entirely sure how long this is going to end up being, either; I don't really have a plan. Is a lack of scope detrimental or something I can adjust later (pacing-wise, at least)?

The other thing I've made sure of is having a bunch of people I know irl to encourage me to write more consistently (which is something I'm truly awful with). Hoping that this contest helps me maintain writing for its entirety, so at the very least I'll have a finished project!

I'll take 7

As long as its fair, I don't mind at all. Looking forward to it!

I don't really have anything going on after work on weekends, so I'll extend an open challenge to whoever wants to face me. 

That's awesome, great job! Love the color scheme.

I responded too, why not

Story A

This is a very strong story, I'd say. I may just enjoy the overall effort into making sure that the world is described in detail, to the point I actually think you did limited research in order to formulate this idea (which is an obvious bonus). It did seem, however, that this was part of a larger idea that was condensed down to fit this format. This definitely can be fleshed out into a full fledged story and I think it's something this author should consider! 

Positives: Strong environment/setting. I could see everything described very clearly and I believe the only sense really lacking was smell. Even still, it drew me into the story with flowery language. Characterization was also a huge plus. Every character, including ones mostly mentioned in passing, were super fleshed out. From Captain Baxtere to Gangly to Scrouge, they all were unique and brought something to the story. Speaking of, there was very little wasted space. Each detail was progressing the story in some way, even if it was just setting tone. While Thomas' name was only mentioned twice, he is also more than just a way to view the story as his opinions on the other crew members shape him as much as it shapes them.

Negatives: I only have two complaints. One is how this seems more like a curse rather than a contagion, which doesn't fit in with the prompt at all. While yes, it is spread from one person to another it isn't quite the same. Other than that, it's the abrupt ending. While this story had to fit into the under 2k restraints, it was quite jarring and didn't really fit into the carefully crafted pace of the rest of this entry. 

Overall 4/5. Very well done.

Story B

An emotional tale of two brothers and a merchant. Definitely not what I expected from the prompt. Looking at it as just a short story, it is solid and a decent read. The world is fleshed out in a way that allows it to remain mysterious but not undeveloped. I will say there are some moments that could've used more details but this remains cohesive.

Positives: Being character centric allowed for this entry to hone in on the raw emotion that is the heart of this story. Even the merchant, who was mainly used for exposition, had a strong characterization that justified his presence. Fergus and his unnamed brother, being werewolves I assume, put an interesting twist on the disease required by the prompt and allowed for some play with the premise. Plus, even with me being unsure when it comes to fitting in with the prompt, I do appreciate the different take on vessel as a wagon. 

Negatives: The ending felt very cluttered and confusing. While I understand that Fergus ended up alone, the language that led up to that made it quite confusing. I thought the brother had abandoned him but with being pinned by the sabre I assume he died? With Fergus being alone, it did have a satisfying conclusion but the lead up left me lost. My other complaint is that the little brother didn't get too much characterization. While yes, I did count the character centric viewpoint as a positive, the brother not getting the same treatment as the merchant and Fergus really hurt this story. It takes away a lot of the emotional impact meant to be felt.

Overall, not bad. 3.5/4 (rounded up to 4).

I vote for Story A.

I'm going to look at these as AP responses.

Story A

I really enjoyed that this was a continuation of the Hans Andersen version of the story, which allowed it to feel more natural as you delved into the darker perspective of the father. The story started off pretty alright, drawing me in with refrences to the well-known story but making it clear that this was a supplement to that story and not a stand alone. That, I believe, is both this story's biggest strength and also it's most detrimental flaw.

Positives: While still continuing The Little Mermaid, its refrences back to the original were enough to follow even for those who hadn't read the story for about the first half of this work. Being driven completely by dialogue is beneficial for the feel of this entry, since this is someone relenting about their past and allows for the biased narrator approach that is taken here (so while I didn't enjoy it, I see what you were going for).

Negatives: My biggest nitpick about this one is how convoluted it becomes once the king talks to the sea witch. This is also where being super intwined with the original becomes an issue. A lot of what is mentioned, most importantly the sea foam being his daughter only is super clear if you know what happens. This makes this read very dependant on a work a lot of people haven't read. Another negative is how janky the twist of the narrator being the father is, even with it being fairly obvious from the start. Even with all that being said, I can't help but also wish the ending was a bit more satisfying. After the reveal, the king just quickly gives up on life and goes to join his loved ones in the afterlife. It just feels very sudden and I feel like it could've been fleshed out more if time hadn't been spent over-explaining the original throughout this entry.

I'm not going to critique you shoehorning the disease in, as that has been already been picked apart.

I'd give this is a 2/5.


Story B

Right off the bat, this entry laid down a very clear tone of tragedy and repugnance. Very quickly was the core of this story established and the delusion/derrangement of the narrator clear from the start. Impulsive actions and jealousy really drove this and kept my fully invested. With only three important characters, it allowed for more time spent fleshing them out and really solidfying the foundation of this. Actually really enjoyed reading this one.

Positives: Strong character development, especially for Valdir. His motivation was questionable at best even from the start, but by the end they were quite repulsive. This allows him to go from a semi-sympathetic protagonist to a villain in a seamless manner. Outside of that, I also really enjoy how central the disease is to this one. Taking the prompt and turning it on its head is very clever, using the disease as more than just a plot device but rather the direct result of Valdir's misguided actions. Also, this story does have the underlying theme of love being a negative as well as a positive, quite like a disease itself. I doubt it was intentional, but I think it melds really well into the plot. Plus, great descriptions of an indeterminate illness.

Negatives: I only really have one thing that bothers me. If the disease/plague was as bad as described... how did no one else get sick besides Valdir and the cook? Not only was the rat contaminating the food source on a ship that is on the sea for long periods of time, but the blood of both men also covered the deck. Given the time period implied, there is no sensible way that would've been properly handled and this almost certainly would've resulted in an outbreak that likely would've killed half (if not all) of the crew. This includes Aria. While it was clever to use the disease, it does not make logical sense, even for someone as out of it as Valdir, to put Aria in harm's way with this. Especially since his goal was to protect her for his own gain.

I'd give this 3.5/5. (Rounded up to a 4/5).

Story C

This was the most unique of the three. While the others were set on a traditional merchant vessel, this was set in a futuristic setting and with a neuro-parasite instead of a plague or virus. This had the strongest premise but it really squandered its potential.

Positives: Unique setting and great twist on the prompt.

Negatives: Extremely rushed. The ship reveal itself is awkward and the parasite reveal could have been built up more. Nothing seemed to be fully fleshed out, not even the faceless main character. That reminds me, the narrator has very little personality but her mother is very fleshed out, even given a phobia. Secondary characters do not take precedence over the ones we are with the majority of the time. All in all, despite being a very short story, it felt disjointed and unsure of itself.

I'd give this a 1/5.

My vote is very clearly STORY B.