Player Comments on Dark Nights

Wow. You know, I think you were too hard on yourself with this one. I'm a massive Huntress fan and an even bigger Batman/Gotham City fan, and this was a very well-written and enjoyable piece.

It is just the right length; not too long, not too short. It was constantly moving forward at a brisk pace, but knew what it was saying and still managed to present the ongoing plot clear enough. I was never confused or stumped once on anything.

Helena was characterized and represented well, if a bit too quick to change her mind about us. If she's had a crush on us secretly the entire time, too, it certainly wasn't given enough setup. And if not, then she warms up to us a bit quick, at least by my tastes. Besides this, the author is obviously a fan, as well, and manages to execute her character very well. I enjoyed the romance and some of the funny scenes during it landed, especially the optional one in the shower. It was a humorous glance at the awkward and slightly-inept social mindsets of these nightly crimefighters and how they pretty much only have each other when you choose such a dangerous and isolating path. Overall, that combined with how charming and badass Helena was, made that portion of the story very fun and satisfying, linear as it was.

Now onto the PC: The Question. Honestly, not much to say, here. You took one of Batman's most obscure villains, and presented him from his legendary vigilante arc extremely good. Everything from his inner voice to his dialogue and choices; all very true to that version of the character and greatly presented. I especially enjoyed the ending paths where we could choose essentially just how much Helena dying potentially consumes us: kill everyone inside and ensure her safety but lose yourself once again and potentially even her, or stay true to your vows and prove you can do it all by not breaking who you are now trying to be. It all comes together in a fantastic, short and sweet game that is a shining beacon of what good fanfiction really looks like in the dark, cold, unforgiving city of Cystia.

I learned a lot of life lessons from “Dark Nights,” not the least of which is that breaking into a woman’s home leads to buttsex.

This was a very enjoyable story with a lot of cool action scenes in it. The writing was good, and there were a lot of parts that made me laugh. I especially liked the running gag of nobody knowing who the Question was and comparing him to other people. The shower scene also made me laugh.

The interactions with the various villains were fun, especially the Penguin. The Iceberg Lounge sounds like a cool place. The ropes and the acid capturing thing is also a classic supervillain move that’s kind of cool and can thus be forgiven for the impracticality. Rule of Cool reigns supreme.
However, the motive of the Italian Guy could have maybe been expanded on or something. If he had been so set on killing Huntress and knew who she was for so many years, why had it taken him that long to do it? Why not kill her when she was a child?

Although the melee fighting action was very cool, it was fun in the one path to finally get to use a real gun. Yes, yes. This is a “killing people is bad” kind of story, but it’s just so much more efficient that way.

The branching style relies on a lot of choice tracking and is such that it can be a bit of a pain to find all the pages, but the story was short enough that it wasn’t that big of a deal compared to others that do similar things. Still, this is not what I would consider the ideal branching style.
There were several ways to reach some of the endings, and all the endings were pretty fun to get. However, the yandere ending was my favorite by far. It’s hard to top that one.

There weren’t any grammar issues that were noticeable enough to be distracting for me as a reader, which was good.

I had fun reading this and would recommend it to anyone who would like to read a shorter, action-packed story.

Your story reads like a comic book, which is both good and bad.

Your page with the illustration was my favorite... It was easy to picture (obviously), but that also made the interaction and dialogue more entertaining. The other pages suffered from a lack of detail (and I found myself wishing there were pictures – although I realize that would require massive effort).

Occasionally the logic of the scene was off (for example, why would a recently-escaped fugitive threaten to call the cops; and, for that matter, why aren’t we arresting him seeing as how he just escaped?... also, why did she take “I didn’t do it” for an answer after all the work to reach the guy she was questioning?).

The action was fun. You have a great knack for entertaining and comic-book-esque choices. They were full/complete actions (rather than just “punch” vs “duck”) that were varied... and there was (usually) a clear logic behind which choice was going to be better (without it being too obvious). There were though probably too many specifically “fight” action choices in a row; so, at some point, I just wanted to skip rather than figure out how I wanted to hit the next bad guy. Maybe some choices around how to hack the computers could be added? Also, some seduction/lust-oriented decisions (like whether or not to peek at the Huntress taking the shower (i.e. you notice a crack in the door)/whether or not to make a pass at her/whether to compliment her personality vs her looks etc.) would have added some more dimension to the types of choices (*spoiler apart from the dance choice, which was unexpected and a nice surprise... but would have preferred that we actually did get to dance... to add another scene with romantic emotion).

*spoiler The twist at the end of the unrequited love scenario was unexpected (and pretty funny as a result). I actually liked that he was so over-the-top spiteful because it gave the main character some internal conflict/dimension (which had been lacking). Probably if there were hints of this sooner (perhaps flares of pre-emptive anger when you are sleeping on the couch? Being angry because she refuses a kiss despite you “having been helping her so much" so "she owes you” at the mid-way point?) it would add nicely to the main character’s depth.

Overall, it was very good. If it had more pictures (or, you spent more time explaining the details of each scene... especially with regards to what I’m seeing, feeling, and thinking at the moments of the most intense drama and emotion), I would rate it higher. Thanks for the fun read!

Really could use a rework, not because its bad, but because is does not fell quite as good as it could be.
Concept is good, although some pages are short, it does not over extent but also, the story is a really short exposition even thought I find it entertaining.
I agree with the comment that it reads like a comic book.

I really enjoyed this one.

9/10 would read again.

You put the word "try" into too many of the choices. I could tell what would and would not work because of it. In the future, remember that there is no try, there is only do or do not.

I was not instantly impressed with this but after a while I was super happy.??.

Great! The ending was sweet, and the story kept me on my toes.

This game was decent. I actually quite enjoyed the game, and I think it was good for what it was. I liked that it was a little more ambitious than the other question games, and your other stories in general. You did a good job with this one in establishing all of your plot points, and making a coherent plot. Also if you haven't played the game, then stop being a moron and play it before reading my review. I never will get you people who read the review before the story. Though TLDR it is good. Play it now.

Now one thing I like about this story is nice mix between a grounded story and a epic. There both have advantages and disadvantages attached to them, though they can be overcome. In a grounded story you have the advantage of writing less, meaning you can edit it easier, and that results in a more polished product. Also it appeals to everyone, even if they don't have free time to waste on an epic. Also it will be a lot more of a straightforward plot. The disadvantages are that it will often leave the reader with lots of questions, and also if they enjoyed the story they may be sad to see it end so soon after it started. Though epics have the exact reverse advantages and problems that grounded stories have. This story manages to capture the advantages of both as well as minimizing the disadvantages. Though it will not be able to take part in the full effect of the advantages as a result.

Though talking more about the story itself, I liked the twist. When you learned it and he explained it everything just snaps into place. These are moments I treasure in every story, and this one is no exception.

I wasn't a big fan of the branching however. I didn't like how you had to chase down all these different people before being able to get to the final part. It also was very liner, while also doing the thing where the final choice you make determines your ending. Needless to say, with the length it is it could have used more branching imo.

In conclusion this is a solid game. Everything about it is good and I would say it is my favorite one from you chris. Everyone should read it if they have a half hour to spare and that is all I have to say about that.

6 out of 8

Liked it, pretty fun stuff!

Nice

*pretty good

I got the “bad ending”, but I think it was actually pretty goof.

Alright since I'm shooting for 1k words for this review I guess I gotta make this super kawaii to fill in the vast parts.

It's not like I liked this Onii-Chan, but then again it did seemed like you put a lot of work into it so I'll commend you on that baka.

I'm not all to familiar with this type of realistic American anime with this setting since I mainly watch the far more superior Japanese anime, so I'll be playing this with total unbias.

I like the beginning artwork, that was pretty cool ngl, by looking at it I think that this is going to be like some sort of fan fiction between Batman and the dude from watchmen I think? (Oh wait never mind their both two entirely different characters (oopsy daisies)

Reading the first page I'm totally guessing that the question is going to some crime fighting and stuff and save the huntress and theyll kiss and get super pregnant at the end.

So it seems she accepts help pretty quickly, probably already head over heels for the man that just broke into her house and already wanting to shag in her bedroom, in which I was disappointed that nothing happened and it was just a lair.

I went with the penguin lead since I don't really know who the other guy is and the penguin seems to be pretty evil and gross.

I decided to play loud since we gotta show this bitch that we mean business, so kicking down his door and tying him up would obviously be the best choice, but then I remembered that's highly illegal and we can't just be all Doug the Bounty Hunter and barge in all rude, so I decided to backtrack and go nice and quiet like a civilized gentlemen.

I decide that it would be best to not take out the goons since that is also highly illegal and I don't want to get charged with assault and battery in case it wasn't penguin. This leads to alpha bitch to compliment me which makes me feel all warm inside as praise from senpai always makes the mood better.

Sad that Penguin wasn't the guy, guess it was that other dude with the italian name. Though this also elicts another praise from Senpai so I guess that it all works out if this is how it continues to go.

Also I like how with the limited wordcount of under 10k, you managed to make this seem a lot bigger with how you spaced out the pages which is also nice, didn't do too much of a infodump in each scene but managed to do enough to continue on with the story while keeping the pages at a good length. Now, back to the story.

I decided to go in and kick ass with her since doing it alone would have been totally boring and doing so brought even more PRAISE :3.

Fuck I'm barely at 500 words, going to take a hentai break.

Ok, where were we?

Ah yes so I confronted this fuck with senpai. though this leads to yet again another false lead and our total bamboozlment.

Then we have yet again even more wicked assault on PI's because their filthy scum.

Then as the lavish party continues, I decide to check out the second floor as I choose random and I got a lead so that's a start.

I sweeped the guards feet like a total beast and uppercutted him like batman.

Back at the party, I see that Senpai is without a dance partner, and if Prank Invasion has taught me anything, is that a quick game of rock paper scissors asking a girl to dance is a sure fire way to get their panties moist and ready for a savage deflowering session.

Now with the both of us in the same apartment, It's now time to take off the abstinence underpants and swoop in like a total Chad. We have butsecks that night I presume.

Finding the people dead leads to a quick change of scene to hitmen, if that was intentional or not i do not know.

I kick him in the crotch with honor,

Then there's the shower scene in where I can only assume that she's tatanlizing my nipples and biting them which leads to such discomfort.

Going full metal gear I decide to choose the path in which we sneak through his mansion like total law abiding citzens and not break to many laws.

After kicking the asses of all the other guards we find ourselves back with the italian.

I thought this was going to be a total Hiroshima siuation with that bomb but I guess it was just a figure of speech.

THEN WE FIND OUT HE'S THE *****

JERRY JERRY JERRY.

So then the story ends with the couple living happily ever after in Hub city as Huntress ditches gothman to poor batman.

Got the good ending with only a few deaths in the begining. Looked through the rest of the endings and though they could have been fleshed out a little bit more, but I liked how you ended with the good ending.

Overall it was a pretty good story that I ejoyed as the pacing was nice for how long it was. It never felt rushed really as it played out nicely. The villan however wasn't really memorable as I can't even remember his name as I keep thinking of, "oh it's the Italian guy."

But for real I thought this was some sort of rorsarch fanfiction until I found out that it was entirely different. Liked the romance as it had it's place and never really felt all out of place.

This story however has sparked a little interest in learning more about this hero since I know nothing about him at all.

So to rephrase to kill the last few amount of required words remaining.

I really liked this story a lot.

Good one

This story is a reflection of pure ****ing intelligence my friend.Lets start at the beginning shall we, the title.’Dark Nights’ which I’m pretty sure is a pun and I love puns there eggsellent.(See I Can Do It Too!)
What was really interesting is how you turned what would be a ordinary detective story with normally 1 Ending into a ‘romantic dc themed contest entry’ with multiple endings and punz.

I mean damn that’s some complex shit, you were extremely smart to put your own unique twist which was........DC!!!
If I being honest DC and superheroes is somewhat new and semi-admirable.
But the real intellect was using a forgetten character, which is smart since you could shape this character into any type of stereotype, which was the ‘doing it for love’ and the ‘turns out your leads were wrong’ cliche.
It was also intriguing since I actually felt close to the huntresses(Not in a weird way) just as expected from a 6/8 length piece.

I enjoyed this like Batman goes to the store and got ham.(More Punz)
Keep up the great work and effort, since you must of done a lot to pull this baby off.7/8(Awesome as **** so keep the ****ing work up, cause this is ****ing amazing)
To many ****’s given :)

this is awesome

I must say, this was worth the wait. I'll tell you the good first, then the bad.

One thing I really admire about these stories is the way you write Vic. I know nothing about him, and yet this story gives me a perfect mental image of who he is. You do a really good job of showing me how he thinks, and why he does what he does. Another awesome thing was the choices. When I saw the (SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE READERS) two choices for which lead to follow, I expected a 'right' and a 'wrong.' Instead, both choices pushed you toward the same ending, while providing insight into the story. It was a good length, and I got more out of it than I expected. You also did a good job explaining the setting, why things happened, and what was currently going on in the story. I was never confused about why the protagonists did something.

Now, the not-so-good. I noticed you got some grammar complaints on techNOIR. These problems are still here. You switched between tenses a few times, and the punctuation concerning quotations was infuriating. When using quotations, only use a comma if what's outside the quotes is a continuation of the quote.
"Give it to me," she said.
"Give it to me." she said.
See the difference? The first sentence has a comma because 'she said' is a continuation of the quote. Luckily, you did a decent job on spelling, so these shortcomings didn't detract from the story.
Some things, however, did. The way the Penguin acted was confusing. I've seen him in comics, in the Gotham TV show, and other forms of media. I think you missed the mark by a bit. He wouldn't immediately be terrified and call Huntress a crazy bitch if he was shot.
That was kind of a chronic problem, actually. Other than Vic and Huntress, the characters didn't seem to have too much character. The goons I can understand, from Vic's perspective they're nothing more than an obstacle. But the crime-lord? Penguin? The (MAJOR SPOILER ALERT) criminal uncle? I didn't get much of a motive there. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't really understand the Uncle's motive. The other suspect, the crime lord, was kind of flat. I know as much about him as I do the Question, but I didn't connect with him as a character very much. The last thing, and this is more of a nitpick, is the chapters. When I'm going through the story, and I suddenly see:
End Chapter 1; Start Chapter 2
...it dissociates me from the story. The way I see it, a story like this should immerse me, and that kind of breaks up the story's universe.
All in all, it was a pretty good story. I can see improvement, but you still have room to grow. I'll be waiting for the next installment of this series (there's a next one, right?)