8/10/2018

9/9/2020 3:53 PM

279

0

1 win / 0 losses

Warden

A Tale of Theft and Guns

unpublished

This is a story about Noah. Noah is broke on account of being fired from his job. Now behind on rent and desperate, his friend gives him a job offer that could change his life for better or worse.

Author Note: This story is pretty short, with about 3300~ words. It has 5 endings for you to find, and every choice has an impact on the story. Leave me your thoughts below! Also a BIG thanks to mizal for helping with proofreading.

Kid Money Game

unpublished

This is a game where you try and earn as much money over the summer as you can

Lil Timmy: Halloween Premiere Episode

unpublished

Lil Timmy is mad so he will get his revenge!

Author Note: This story was wrote in 4 hours for a compotition with the theme being spooky. Please keep this in mind when rating

Paper Slingers

unpublished

This is the story of you and your crew having to deal with getting ripped off by another crew out to steal your territory. Will you choose war or diplomacy? Will you side with friendship or greed When things get tough will you blow things way out of porption with an horible act? Choose for yourself as these menace's try and invade your newspaper route! Author's note: This is my entry for mizal's into the jungle contest. It was written over the course of 6 days with the proofreading being done an hour before the deadline. So if you see any typo's I blame that despite the fact I should have started way earlier. Please leave a comment, and say what you liked and disliked about the game along with what you rated it.

Scripting Test 3158974837

unpublished

hiodffelij

@Bill_Ingersoll Because you FRICKEN CHEATED Write an exactly 100 word short story that isn't plagiarized from a bot or anywhere on the word "boomer"

Soft, squishy, warm. I suck the thing as milk flows through my mouth. It tastes so good. So sweet. A cricket sings her approval as I slurp down the elixir of the gods. I feel at peace. This strange potion has rendered me helpless. I can hardly move as the wave of exhaustion floods over me. Next thing I know the bottle is being taken out of my mouth. Her strong arms pick me up and we sit down on the couch, my face resting softly on her nice, large, succubus breasts.

i didn't see this post in time

From now on a lot of my reviews won't be super in depth and long. I will give in depth reviews to some games, but for most it will just be my thoughts on them. Unless I post it in this thread I do not consider it an in depth review of the game, and it is just what I think of it. There is a good chance that I will revist a lot of the games I did short reviews on and read them later.

Pick storygames that don't have super long star comments

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!

40. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/savior This story is interesting. On one hand it feels like so much more could have been done. There could have been so much more that could have happened with the character in this world. On the other hand it's so... EPIC! Like the whole thing is epic battles of high porpoutions. It has this feeling to it, that you would typically only find in super long stories like eternal. Now let me talk about the whole epic thing. This is the biggest selling point of the whole story. You go around fight insane battles, against overpowered creatures. This whole thing feels like the final arc of an anime. You go around slaying epic creatures. Speaking of which you start off facing a fucking demon, and slaying him with no effort. Like really? You think after seeing how overpowered the main character is how will he ever lose. Next is the branching. I wasn't that big of a fan to be honest. It felt pretty good, until you go back and see that most of the choices were nothing choices, that rebranched back into the main story. A benifit to this is that the story ends up feeling a lot longer then normal. It lets a story of it's length have a lot more content then it seems. If this was a cave of time story then there is no way this much stuff could have happened in this little words. So while the branching isn't the best, I can't really fault it too much here, In conclusion this story is epic. It's biggest downfall is the word count being what it is. As mizal pointed out, I didn't think I was going to get a epic story by reading the description by thankfully I was wrong. I really hope you expand upon this story and make it longer. 6 out of 8

39. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/following-orders Honestly, I'm not the biggest fan. I'd be lying if I said that this was really that enjoyable. The whole story just feels so... boring. I'm not sure any other way to put that. I would prefer some goofy mess, that is awful to something that is boring. Boredom in fact is the worst thing you can do as a writer. The whole story was so bland. I didn't really care about the characters. I didn't care about the world, though that might be because I'm not a huge fan of the setting. It's just hard for me to say really anything about this game. It exists. I will probally forget everything that has happened in it within a days time. Hell, some of the characters don't even have names. Now another major issue for me is the writing itself. The descriptions are bland, and the writing feels so forced. Like you thought of something then wrote it. If I want to have a, "Mountain that seems impossible to cross," I'm not going to say, "They looked at the mountain, impossible to cross." I'll instead say something like, "They gazed upon the mountain. With the snow piling up, their wagons stand no chance if they were to attempt to cross." Now that isn't the best descriptions, but you see how it's better. You want to be painting a picture in your readers mind. You want to transport them to that world, because that is what reading is about. Now the branching is okay I guess. I don't see a real problem with it. It seems to be kind of liner, but that's fine. This is the most fine thing about the story. In conculsion this story is very forgetable. I didn't really enjoy reading it to be honest. Now there is consederable effort, and it isn't garbage, so I'll rate it a 4 out of 8.

38. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/when-johnny-comes-marching-home This story was really good. I see why it went on to when the noob contest. Out of the ones I have read so far, all of them except the horror one, the writing here is the highest quality. Would I have put it at the top of my list? I'm not exactly sure. Though from a technical standpoint it is really good, espically considering it was written for a contest. I feel it deserves the first place spot, even if it wasn't my of the stories. I'm not even sure if it's my favorite or not. There is one I might have liked more, but I'm not sure. Now the branching was really good. There were so many endings for the word count. The endings also changed a lot which is good, since varity is very important. I like having a lot of diffrent endings, it keeps the story fresh. The branching also seemed to follow logical choices, Like will you stay with your men or leave them behind. It's better to have choices that would both be made. Unlike having two choices be, walk slowly through the jungle, and rush through the jungle. In that situation we have nothing to go on. In most situations it is better to go slow than fast. The writing quality was great. The dialouge felt real to me and the prose was great. The writing sucks you in from start to finish, and it didn't really feel like a chore to read like some of the other stories did. In conclusion this story is great. I really liked it, and it feels compleat. While I would like more in the same setting, I don't think you should flesh out this game any more than it is. It has a sense of closer with the endings, and it is great just how it is.

37. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-jungle-book Alright this story wasn't the worst thing I've ever read. It wasn't the best either. I think that is in large part to do with me not being a huge fan of the setting. I mean the setting was okay, but I don't find the idea of going into a jungle to track down a ape that exciting myself. I mean half the game isn't even in the jungle! Also there is the name. Why? It doesn't seem to be a good idea in any regard. This isn't a fan fiction so I'm unsure why you would name it after a famous movie. There is also the font. I didn't hate it as much as mizal did, but I wasn't that big of a fan of it. So the branching was the most okay thing about this story. At the start there are many paths, and while they all end pretty early besides the one that takes you into the jungle, they are there and have a lot of endings between them. I think it was about 8, which is really impressive. Now inside the jungle you make all these desiseons, and one path is clearly the true ending, where you find the beast. There are so many endings in this story, and it's pretty impressive given the word count. There is also the protag. I like his background, and how he wants to break free. A noble who feels restriced and wants to look for a beast. The story has an okay set up, but the setting wasn't really for me. In conclusion, this story wasn't really for me. I liked the story, but I didn't really love it. It was put together pretty well, but it just wasn't for me. I'm sure there are other people who will get more enjoyment out of this than me, and for that I'm giving this story a ?