Player Comments on Last Scream Before You Die

The text and spacing is a bit weird.....but hey, it's your storygame! A good thing about that is that I can easily notice all of the spelling and grammar mistakes here, so that needs to be fixed. Remember, proofreading is the writer's best friend! The use of pictures is very nice, but maybe some more could be included along with more description, because pictures don't make up for all escroption a story needs.

You did one thing right, and that's giving the reader complete control over their actions. A linear story isn't a good one, so it's very nice to have a storygame like this I can enjoy and choose my options without having my character do things I didn't have a say in. I just wish that we had some kind of warning about the boy that kills the character (spoiler!) rather than we die as soon as we open the door.

With a bit more detail, length, effort, and background, this could be a very good storygame that could bring something great to the horror section of CYS.

4/8

Feel deathly? The sentence spacing is a bit… weird too. The pictures are well used though and a bit of thought went into this story game which is good but if the written descriptions were serious instead of breaking the fourth wall all the time I would have felt more tension, you’re constantly reminding us it’s just a game instead of an actual experience. Still, I thought it was ok :)

Uh, okay I suppose.

This really didn't feel like a Horror to me, honestly, although it was obviously intended to be. There's just not enough of a fright element, or dark themes, or really anything else that helps it fall into horror.

The thing about horror is you need to have really good descriptions. In this storygame, there's about two to four sentences on each page, and that just isn't enough for a horror game. I don't know why the spacing is so annoying, or why you decided to write everything in bold, but it just didn't work.

Go into more detail with your writing, because more detail means more legnth, more enjoyment, and more emotion. In other words, a better storygame.

This seemed very, very rushed, and could very well have been written in a couple hours.

There is absolutely no rush to publish. Spend more time on your storygames.

This storygame had so little detail, it just feels generic. I don't have any reason to set this apart from other storygames, there's just nothing special here.

1/8, keep trying, and add more detail.

Eh, this was pretty bad. Everything was in bold, the spelling and grammar was all over the place, the spacing made it a chore to read, and...this storygame wasn't scary. You specifically say in your story description that this is different from other horror games and that it's definitely scary.

It isn't scary. There's no real description in the passages to suggest it's anything other than very mild suspense. The pictures make it vaguely creepy. Just the pictures, that's all.

Aside from that, there was a bit of nice exploration but it's easy for your readers to get lost with all of these doors which look the same.

Creepy

Ahh that jumpscare was so creepy!

While several the pictures were gruesome and suitably shocking, this story on its own plays like an unfinished puzzle. Worth the momentary amusement, but not worth the frustration of trying to solve it.

OMG LOL!! I only got a few pages in and died! But that picture of what appears to be Michael Jackson (R.I.P) after getting into the lipstick again, almost gave me a heart attack!! Good story, I'm going to read more of it. I hope you write lots more!

It wasn't that scary to be honest, but a certain death picture is gonna give me nightmares for weeks.

This game was pretty linear and derp, but I have to admit the death picture was pretty creepy.

The pick gets you stuck you have to die a very bad idea and the pics were weird

I can't do anything but die.

The pixellated closeups of eyes and faces were, um, what emotion am I supposed to say I experienced again?

The item usage and set of puzzles were very nice, but the sarcastic descriptions were not frightening at all.

>Calls out all other games for not being scary enough.
>The only thing remotely scary in this game is the occasional jumpscare.
>Laughable.

I think the style of the game could be improved on. More detail.