Player Comments on Sacrifice

I would be really interested in seeing a continuation of this storygame...or at least get an idea of how it fits into a much wider fantasy world. At the moment, it's so short that I didn't really get an idea of what was going on...or who the characters were. The player character seemed to have little personality outside of a vague desire to live...but even that can be crushed when faced with the possibility of sacrificing even one life to save herself.

The glimpses into the lives of the three were interesting, but really far too short for me to truly care about any of them. The only one who truly seemed to have any personality was the little girl. Derra seemed to be possessed by a demon of some sort, and the nurse seemed to treat all of her patients like a production line...and if she couldn't save them, she killed them. This would actually be an interesting moral slant to this storygame if anymore time was spent on it, but the glimpse into each life ends so abruptly that I'm left questioning...why? Why these three lives in particular? Why do they deserve to live more than the player character does? Alternatively, why does the player character deserve to live more than any one of them?

I did look at each of the three endings, but each one left me hungry for more. What is the history behind the father? Why does he need a Child of Darkness and kills his own daughter if she fails to fulfil his plans? There's so much that could be explored in this world and involving these characters, and yet despite the really interesting premise, this storygame falls far short of my expectations.

All told, I think this storygame could have had a lot of potential. I just would have liked it to be longer, with more information about the world and the characters. And, more importantly, I need an answer to the question: why should I care about any of them?

When I first couple of sentences of the story, I was intrigued. It sounded like a great premise. And upon finishing, I found that it WAS a great premise. A wonderful idea.

But unfortunately, that's all it is. A creative, interesting concept. The author hints a fascinating world with a pantheon with the exact alien qualities you would expect from gods—beings who could never fully understand what it means to be mortal; even if they could, because of the vast knowledge they have beyond what mortals have, they could never fully empathize.

And yet this is barely explored. This story, to me, has just one flaw. I don't care that it's basically "choose what kind of god you are" by picking your ending. I read every one, because the premise is so interesting. Even the fact that the endings get recycled based on who you choose to kill doesn't bother me. In fact, I'm not even bothered by the fact that these gods are clearly evil, and doing the right thing results in oblivion.

Nope. What drags this story down is an inexcusably short length given the great premise it was based on.

So, Bethius, if you still live, make a new version of this story where we get a lot more information about the godling who must choose who to kill. That person's guilt, or emotions, their understanding of reality, and maybe even getting attached to lives it lives though.

Do that, and you could have a great story.

I'll give this one-and-a-half cruel god marbles out of three—an incomplete score for an incomplete story.

Here is the typical spoiler warning you would expect in any comment.

Not really sure what to write about this. The plot seems kind of non existent. You simply have to decide to either kill or to don't kill, which ultimately decides your fate too.

The fact that it is simply a choice your father gives you where you basically just have one right choice but are forced to do the opposite to live is rather boring in my opinion.
The jump from one perspective to the next is pretty well written I think the characters, although lacking depth, are rather interesting. I would make those parts longer though because you feel more of a bond with them making the decision to either kill them or not much harder.

The perfect way would be to find a path where we have some things speaking for killing them and some clearly speaking against it. That would send the player into inner turmoil.

The scripting seems to work fine, if there is any script involved. Could be normal choices.

All in all its kind of boring to me but hey some people might get into it more. 3/8

Despite the grammar mistake on the opening page, this game grabs you from the start. I felt like dumb fish with hook stuck in my cheek (the mouth one), I was brought into the story in a way that most storygames don’t. The premise to begin the storygame is amazing to the degree that I wasn’t sure if the writing itself was subpar or if the premise is just that dang good. Most likely the latter as the writing is actually quite good. It just didn’t “wow” me the same way.

You essentially get to peer into the lives of three different people and decide to kill one (or all three) in exchange for your life. It’s an interesting moral dilemma to be placed before you since all three have their faults. I suppose you do as well if you’re going to sacrifice one of them to save your own life. There is also the option to sacrifice yourself instead of the “innocent” people. Jokes on you if you did since that’s not the best ending to achieve. Lesson learned: be selfish.

The biggest issue I had was the lack of lore. You’re thrust into the climax of a pivotal part in a story, but you don’t really know how you got there or what happens after your choice. Is the world a better place if you kill a certain person? What is the point of the “Children of Darkness”? Who is your father? I have a lot of questions generated by the story and no answers to be found. I would be happy if more was added before or after before the events of this story. I just want more. Like Spongebob, I neeeeed it.

I probably wouldn’t recommend this game since it’s so short, but I really enjoyed it. It makes you think about things deeper than just the story itself, which makes the game more intriguing. I absolutely want more from the author.

Whew, that was kind of a rough start. It started out with some word choice issues on the very first word. I don’t even know what “Sat on the cold, stone floor” is supposed to mean. Does it mean I am sitting on the floor? Or is it talking about the marbles that are on the floor? And I’m not sure what they’re doing: does it mean all must be sacrificed for me? Or do they have to be sacrificed to me? Or do I die if they don’t get sacrificed to someone else? And I don’t think “resemblent” is a word.

The story itself was a little interesting, but nothing really happened. I appreciated the way scripting was used to modify the text when different choices were made, but the different choices didn’t really have any effect on the story. I mean sure, there were three different endings based on the single choice you made towards the end, but they were all relatively non-significant. Really, no matter what choice you made, well, the story just ended. It would have been nice if there were more effects to the choices there so that it really made a difference what choice you selected.

I think this story could be interesting and it has a lot of potential. However, there’s just not much here. The descriptions of the three people are really neat, but don’t seem to matter that much. More descriptions of what’s going on and before and after those three people would really make the story a lot better, IMO.

It certainly had an interesting beginning, but that is all it feels like: the start of a story. Was that the goal?

I wanted to thank everyone for their comments - I wrote this in a couple of days when I was about 16, as a short project that fit into a larger world that I created. My original plan was to take the game further, which may be why a lot of you find that it doesn't really go anywhere, but I haven't been on this site for years - now that I have much more time on my hands, perhaps I'll expand on this or try to make a different, longer game!

why is this a thing

Interesting concept, but could be improved with a little more detail and context. Why were the marbles connected to these people specifically? Who is this person's father, and why do they need a child of light/darkness?

this is honestly one of my favorites, i loved it so much

Yay I got the ending I consider to be the best

An interesting concept, but undeveloped. It feels like you tooks some pages from what should have been a much larger work and submitted them as a completed story.

Hm. It's a beautiful concept that... doesn't really go anywhere. There are stakes and consequences and choices and payoffs, but no genuine build-up. There's emotion, but it has little time to develop. If I become anything less than a monster, I die. If I sacrifice everything to survive as a monster, my ultimate fate is left rather ambiguous. This feels as if it could've been made into an epic, as if it could've been something grand and gut-wrenchingly emotional or fantastically bizarre but wasn't. It could also use a bit of formatting and polishing, but eh. In the end, I like this, but I can't justify loving it and I wish I could. I wish this was fleshed out and that I knew more about this world.