Player Comments on The messed up adventures of a 12 year old

Oh good, and the next story is by the same guy as the first 😊 I like the intro that basically told me to write a nice or not nice comment, that does pretty much cover my options (what about an indifferent comment?). I’m really glad you told me that I’m not in 7th Grade in real-life, that’s me rescued from that particular hallucinatory fantasy. I’m a 12-year-old and I need to survive? Isn’t that true for all 12 year-olds? This story has all the same SPAG errors as the other one btw.

I feel sorry for my friend that he doesn’t have a name so in my head I’ll just call him Santa. It’s nice of Santa to buy me ice cream. My friend lags? Damn, I’m in the Matrix again. Is there much point to this story? I just seem to be going through the standard life of an average pre-teen. Even the teacher gets bored when I tell her about it. I’ve never played Fortnite and from the sounds of it I’m not missing much. I live on the wild side and go to bed without brushing my teeth. I really hope this story develops a plot at some point. Oh thank Buddha, I’ve died of hunger and the story is over.

Ok, so your branching was fairly good and there seem to be less spelling mistakes than the last game so those were the good things. The bad things are there wasn’t a plot or any interesting characters. You’ve got to have something happen in your story little dude, some escalating problem that needs to be overcome and either is and the character’s life gets better or at least returns to normal or the problem isn’t fixed and his situation worsens. A good example of this is Go Get the Mail by Ogre11. I feel like the comedy elements could do with more work in that I didn’t notice this story was probably meant to be humorous until I just read your profile. This is already an improvement on your last story but put in more ridiculous or farcical situations (or failing that, more lolrandom stuff) and give your characters a bit more character and names to improve on your next effort. Good luck with your writing though and keep it up!

"Ima just stay hear and bee board."

Please don't make a sequel.

this aint rizz man like it was soooooo obvies man i knew it all like what the freak man this is trash. This aint the maker

this aint rizz man like it was soooooo obvies man i knew it all like what the freak man this is trash

This is worse.

First of all, most books, and I think ALL of the books on here excepting edutainment, aren't realistic. Realistic books people are usually looking for non-fiction, why would they come here for that, unable to asses reliability? (Although I think a lot of the edutainment is reliable).

Or if you mean realistic fiction, I personally don't like it and I haven't seen any stories like that on the site yet. Maybe this warning would carry more weight on a site that has that stuff.

Also, as I mentioned in my review of your other story if you've seen that, this is just over the max word count of a thunderdome which you do not want.

Not only is the length of this super short, but you mentioned a sequel. I think this needs more length to have a sequel, and not just longer than it is right now but to overall be longer form than a short story.

Besides that you made many mistakes you id in the other one with the lack of description (which may be a side affect of the lack of words) and tons of other stuff that I don't want to write about twice.

Hey at least the 12 year-olds are writing at all. That's something.

Next time try reading some of the stories we have here first so you can get a better idea of what's to be expected of a story. You do read as well, right?

Have fun :)

Trash

I may have even given this a 3 because of the randomness of my friend blasting me with a machine gun due to me being lactose intolerant... but the link was broken and I couldn't end the game.

Kept playing and got more random deaths. I happen to like lol random, so this gets... well it certainly gets a rating.

Started off normal. Then things took a weird turn. Seems like something you would experience in your dreams.

It is quite bad