9/18/2019

2/5/2025 12:15 PM

163

1

0 wins / 0 losses

Sage

The Fury of the Forest

For Endmaster's Crisis contest.

An ancient evil has been awakened...

Honor Among Thieves

unpublished

Voting B. And shouldn't this thread be pinned now? The old one is still up there. Story A was good too and I think I actually enjoyed it more, but B handled an unexpected and disturbing subject really well which takes some ability. "Villain protagonists" are not something I usually enjoy, but this managed to highlight how manipulative and evil they were without feeling like an immature author self insert.

Thank you everyone for the feedback, and I'm glad some people liked my story. I had some uncertainty on how much background to include which made for an awkward section that I see readers noticed. There were originally more paragraphs about Leris and Kasia I ended up taking out because I thought they bogged down the rest and took the focus off Systiana. The opening line was phrased that way because it was coupled with the ending line. That's not something I'd change in an edit, it doesn't read as awkward to me and I think the meaning is self explanatory. If I do a rewrite or incorporate this into something else I'll mainly be trying to add the backstory in more smoothly. The point of this version though was to show Systiana's transition from a victim, to a survivor, to a kind of predator herself. This was a fun match though and Anthraxus's story was very good.

I have a question: is the the theme of the Iliad anti war? I haven't read it so maybe that's a dumb take, but it sounds like it spends a lot of time setting up these glorious heroes only for everything they do to end in negative things and pointless destruction.

I just have to say also, it's really sad that someone who likes C.S. Lewis so much would NOT have had a magical adventure in Narnia with Aslan, out of a purely racist hate of Mr. Tumnus.

It's really great that you do this, I'll have to try to join in next year.

I was just joking, sort of. I knew it was a fetish, or figured it out anyway. I had never heard of hypnotism as a fetish though so I was confused at first, these mostly were just images from the cartoons with nothing sexual. But with how MUCH there was, right I did start getting that feeling. When I saw some on YouTube were labeled ASMR, yeeaaah. XD But if Fluttershy is still reading the thread, I actually will just say to remember that humility is one of the important parts of being a Christian, and that God also expects you to take care of your personal life and be involved with people around you. The Bible says that a man that won't look after his own household is worse than an unbeliever. You're not supposed to be watching a screen all day every day, and reading even positive or useful things can be harmful if you're not finding a balance and neglecting everything else. And remember no matter how much you think you know, God is not impressed!

But it's a children's cartoon for Christians!

I am an adult, I just have to follow the same rules as the six year old while I live here. But I'm not in any hurry to leave until I pay off my car and save up some money, so that might be awhile. I don't really mind this Saturday thing at all since it can be planned around, or I wouldn't if it was just me. I have to babysit though since my sisters can't figure out how to entertain themselves.

@fluttershy Can you please explain to me the obsession with "hypnotized and mind controlled ponies"? Sorry to bother you in the middle of your mental health vacation but you're the only MLP fan I know, why are there so many fans collecting the swirly eyes animations? I ran into a few just trying to find this one and looking around more, wow there's a lot. I see Fluttershy spending a lot of time coiled around by giant snakes too, like the one from the Jungle Book. Is that something that appeals to you about the character?