Player Comments on Where the Clouds Want to Go

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain some spoilers, so I implore you to read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

I definitely need something wholesome to balance out the degeneracy in another story I read before this. This feels like the perfect read for my situation. I like the candy-themed setting, with sweets as a recurring motif, yet the last line juxtaposes this as a sort of ‘trouble in paradise’ plotline. I would have thought this would be in the family-friendly section, but it’s labeled as fan-fiction instead. I must admit to not knowing the source material, so if I miss any important references in this review, then that’s the reason.

I love the comfy atmosphere of the setting. The description of clouds being soft enough to lie on is a well-known one, yet this takes it a step further, detailing how comfortable it is through an extended metaphor. And everything about Candyland, from the way passer-bys greet one another to the abundance of chocolate and candy, feels like such an inviting and sweet (pardon the pun) place. It’s like a utopia, but without the ominous vibes that something is about to go terribly wrong. Not everything is perfect, though—there’s a lady who beats misbehaving children with a candy stick. And sometimes, like in the real world, people don’t get the jobs they want. The latter seems like it’ll be an important point of conflict in the story.

On a side note, the drawings are a nice addition. They add to the lighthearted, positive tone of the story.

CHARACTERS

I enjoyed reading about Thomas’ character. The fact that he did not understand the veiled insult in the line, “not the brightest” but “polite and agreeable enough”, is proof of this characterization being accurate.

Most of Thomas’ thoughts and dialogue realistically portray that of a child. His statement about no one asking the clouds where they want to go is a great indicator that the author is able to write children accurately. I remember that when I was younger, my dad told me stories about the sun and the stars, but then I got upset and said, “the moon is sad because no one wants to hear her story”. So long story short, that’s how I got an additional bedtime story that night!

Anyway, back to the story at hand, the story did make use of short info-dump paragraphs to describe the protagonist. For instance, there was a scene about how he wasn’t smart, and how he made up a new way of having fun. There was another about how he wasn’t a loner. Yet, these pieces of information are told rather than shown. This makes it less interesting than if it were to have grounded the reader in the moment through a few descriptive sentences. Jeanette’s description had the same problem. Yet, this didn’t affect the story too much, as they were often short descriptions and sprinkled nicely throughout the plot.

It made sense that when assessing the jobs, Thomas did so through the lens of his family’s choices. He noted what his parents did and what his sister wanted to do. This was a good way of showing the potential jobs, as opposed to providing a long list with lengthy descriptions of each. And I liked the twist: although he was resolved to enjoy any job that came his way, he couldn’t do so for his boiler-boy occupation. This posed a greater question, too: if someone like Thomas couldn’t even bring himself to like his assigned job, how much more could the other citizens of Candyland be forced to endure theirs?

He is an active protagonist, making choices to improve his situation. When the loneliness gets too much to bear, he makes a friend; when the job becomes too mundane, and an unexpected incident occurs, he helps everyone get to safety and finds some significance in his work as a result. But he can only do so much in a system that is inherently flawed. He only realizes the extent of the problem when he views it from an outside perspective: the old man who is forced to work despite his age.

PLOT & THEME

Oftentimes, some may underestimate the work which goes into crafting a consistent mood. The way that the peaceful scene in the park was described, with the protagonist and his friend looking up at the sky, idly watching clouds, actually helped me feel rather at peace after my previous read. Yet, this page ended with a reference to the cloud blowers. The theme of political control and suppression of freedom usually comes hand-in-hand with most utopia/dystopia stories, which is hinted at here.

The scene where Thomas was kicking a chocolate Kiss marks a significant change in his character. No longer is he the happy-go-lucky boy who picked them off the ground. Rather, the Kiss could be seen as a metaphor for the system, one that he now despises. Society isn’t shaping out to be what he expected.

The title—where the clouds want to go—is a great hint to the story that would take place. No one asks the clouds where they want to go. And clouds, which are normally free, are now forced to move in whatever direction the cloud-blowers decide. This is a cool extended metaphor for the citizens of Candyland who aren’t able to choose their occupations. Furthermore, clouds can shift to become anything they like, wielded by the daydreamer’s imagination. This becomes evident in Thomas’ aha moment: “No more clouds should be forced towards the Council. No more children should be forced towards where they don't want to go.” The clouds signify children. They used to imagine a world of possibilities, where they could be anything, yet society restricts them and molds them to their own image, perpetuating oppression under the excuse of maintaining order.

Hence, even when the protagonist tries to make a change, he gets thrown into prison. It all appears futile. Still, it became worth it with the reform system, overruling overwork and hustle culture. Yet, it doesn’t leave room for sloth either, as all citizens are required to work a certain number of time slots. This enables society to function without completely destroying the individuals within it.

In another path, he changes the system by first identifying how often it fails society. This is a great allegory for the real world—most of the times, institutions meant to help actually cause more harm instead. It is a realistic path: first, he sends them a letter, which is rejected. Next, he notices their absence in a dangerous situation. Finally, he shares his thoughts with the rest of the world, spurring change for the better!

I must admit that I’m about to soon enter the world of work after one more year of university. It is a scary prospect. Yet, this story brings me some peace, knowing that at the very least, a large part of my future is under my control. At least I live in a world where I can choose what jobs to work at, and if my choice turns out to be terrible, there’s always the option to leave and choose a better path. I’m glad to be in a world that allows the clouds to go where the clouds want to go.

Review 4: Where the clouds want to go.

I expected a saccharine sugar land story, but all I got was a whole allegory for the current school system, capitalism and workers' solidarity. I'm still very flabbergasted how you presented these rather serious adult topics in such a lighthearted and very family friendly way. It is as if you incorporate commentary about terrorism and youth radicalization in a Pepa Pig fanfiction and that the story still was written in a way that it is suited for the original target audience. Somehow the uncanny valley feeling is even stronger in "Where the Clouds Want to Go" than in the previous given example.

The overall rating is not very high and I think that I know the reason why. There's honestly not a lot of technical things wrong with the story. The prose is clear and succinct. The dialogue is snappy enough. The plot is very easy to follow, most character motivations are pretty clear. There's no tone whiplash or anything that irks me too much. The characters are a bit flat, but are distinguishable enough from each other that it doesn't bother me that much. The main character for example doesn't have a lot of things going for him or interesting character flaws, but I think that for some storygames it isn't that necessary for the protagonist to have an overly defined personality. No, the main reason why I don't think that this story works, is that I have no idea for who it was written for. The topics seem more in line with an older demographic, but the overall aesthetics, prose and above all the story structure remind me more of what one would see in children's literature.

There are certain works that are able to have both mature themes while still having the cute kiddy aesthetics like candyhouses or sweets or candy factories and clouds and stuff. However, the main difference is how the darker contents of these stories are treated. In all of these stories there is often one or multiple moments where the characters find out that their cutesy candyland world isn't as cute and fluffy as they had thought. There are 'oh shit' scenes that are especially made to signal the readers 'hey, this story is getting darker and more serious.' Before that, a competent author would be dropping some hints here and there, but a 'oh shit' scene is still necessary to bang the readers in the head with the message 'hey, this cutesy fluffy aesthetic is just a farce'. "Where the Clouds Want to Go" comes so close with having a 'oh shit' scene. For example, it was a nice touch for one of the companions to be arrested by the council when the protagonist decided to protest. However, I think it was not enough to up the stakes and make the story heavier. The conflict and the imprisonment was so quickly resolved that the happy ending felt very cheap and almost insulting at times. In real life forming unions, protesting and organizing strikes were so much more bloodier and violent, strikes would last months at times with the workers' families sometimes held hostage. Hell, even modern day strikes often have a degree of violence in them whether the organizers want to or not.

The fact that there were no lasting negative consequences for the main character and their companions or sacrifices they have to make for this ending to happen, makes every saccharine ending feel not earned. I expected things like PTSS from the imprisonment, nightmares, injuries etc, but got none of it. I was also pretty miffed that there were no bad endings and that the reader wasn't allowed to fail or to make mistakes. This also causes all of the routes and endings to become very similar to each other. Each of them ended in success and an improvement in labour rights. I think things would be a lot more interesting if you had the choice to become a strike breaker or make it so that the strike will fail and everyone will get fired or such. There are plenty of examples like that in history.

The featured elements that were related to the themes were very interesting though. Children being predestined to having a certain job does remind me eerily of certain inequalities in the real world. For example it is very hard for a child of a poor man to climb up the socio economic ladder. Just like the council members often let their family members be also picked as council members, children of rich people do tend to easier get jobs with higher pay than their peers. There was also the callous way candyland treats their elderly with old people still being forced to do grueling physical work, just like some old people in real life not being able to retire. The cool interesting things to chew on were certainly there, so it was kind of a pity to not see these things being brought to their full potential.

Overall verdict: A bit of a hit and miss. The story had lots of potential, but sadly fell a bit flat. Still, it was enough of a pleasant read with nothing to really offend me that I can lightly recommend it to anyone who wants to have a quick read. (I do recommend just reading one route, since all of them are so similar to each other that you wouldn't miss anything important.)

BTW. I really like the drawings. I find them very cutesy and charming and quite funny at times. So many marshmellow people.

I read this almost immediately after this was published, but I guess I will review it more thoroughly now.
This story is about a young boy’s determination and plan to overthrow the council that dictates the jobs of its citizens.

CONTENT: 7
:) The story had a solid plot and the setting was well developed. There were plot twists and a climax. The characters had different personalities and were real enough. The actions and characteristics of different characters were consistent throughout (such as Mrs. Cherry using a candy cane as a weapon). The story felt complete as a whole and each ending completed the story well.

LANGUAGE: 6
:) The writing style felt like what I would see in a chapter book for children. It was easy and comfortable to read. Most of the story was in dialogue, which helps the reader feel the presence and tone of the characters. There were little to no SPAG issues and sentences flowed fluently.
:| Some similes were a bit strange or unnecessary, such as ‘her eyes were round like a startled squirrel’. There is quite a difference between being shocked and being a startled squirrel after all.

BRANCHING AND GAMEPLAY: 4
:) There were a satisfactory amount of choices which did have some degree of effect on the story. The length was comfortable and it was fun overall.
:| The main events of the story were almost exactly the same in each path, with only differences in the background information revealed and the occupation in the end. While each path works well as a regular story, to enhance the gameplay you will have to make different events in different branches, such as some endings where the movement failed or some endings where the main character joined the council and changed things around.
+0.5 overall for drawings and illustrations :)

OVERALL RATING: 6/8
Great job! Another good story from StoryTurtle. Hope to see more in the future.

So I did have to suspend reality a bit for this one. If the streets and grass are chocolate, how do they not get melted by the sun? Is it cannibalism for candy people to eat candy? Why do people tolerate the council? It seems a bit far fetched that everyone just went ahead and tolerated the regime for decades until Thomas goes around reminding people they hate their jobs and should choose. Did nobody honestly think of that before?

Another thing I found odd was that The Council isn't really expanded on. WHY can't people pick their jobs. WHY is this council so hell bent on making sure everyone does their assignment they're willing to throw people in jail for peacefully protesting? As a matter of fact, how do they even decide who gets assigned where? There's so much more that could have been done with this story to build on it.

The political premise was interesting. Although it does tend to fall short. As mentioned above, the current regime is willing to throw people in prison for peaceful protest, but the second people arm themselves and destroy the prison, they just give up and get voted out? If the people had the ability to hold an election, why didn't they just do so in the first place?

While this has so far been critiques, I did like the premise, and the story did manage to elicit some pity for Thomas's plight. The 'chocolate pavement' ending I believe tied up the story nicely with a message of hope and freedom.

This was sooo cute!! It works perfect as a children’s story. My favorite part was all the different occupations you could potentially get.

Wow. Better than expected and worth reading.

I rather enjoyed reading this. At first, I wasn't really sure what to think about a game based on CandyLand (it isn't normally the type of story I would gravitate towards), and was pleasantly surprised. The game and characters are pretty well written, and the story does seem to draw you forward.

I think that the conflict in the story was well thought out and was resolved in a very "candyland" sort of way (if that makes sense). And there was a good amount of choices and branching within the story.

Overall a nice job, and definitely worth reading.

A short and sweet (pardon the pun) children's story. I love the inclusion of the illustrations! They add personality to this world. I enjoyed getting the cloud blower ending as I think it best tied into the theme of the story.

Got the candycane ending. Gotta say I was not expecting that when I saw this prompt. It was a unique premise that you wrote very well. And the characters were well written too. I'm impressed!