Player Comments on A boring day

Another one of these. There's only so many times I'm going to do this for these poorly written lolrandom stories before I just give up. Death by a thousand crappy plots.

- "Thats when i realized I was going to have a really boring Saturday." That was when I realised this wasn't going to be a good story. Actually, it wasn't. I could tell this would be bad from the description. There's also a lack of punctuation, including (somehow) both the correct and incorrect capitalisation of 'I' in the same sentence.

- I doubt this is a serious attempt at a story, or at least hope it isn't for your sake, you know, mental capacity-wise. If it is, then you might want to not smash down the fourth wall and directly address the reader because it compromises the story. If not, it's probably best not to do it anyway unless you're trying to be funny. Even then, it has to be subtle and decent humour to be anything other than cringey.

- Bloody meta that. The whole 'go onto CYS and write a story and oh shit, you're reading the story you wrote right now and it's only a bloody infinite loop wahey!' and then you commence to infinite loop to sweet insanity. Great stuff.

- A measly 2000 words doesn't leave much room for branching, let alone plot (which doesn't exist in this story), so, as expected, it's linear. You supposedly have the choice to go on two websites, but the only one that's interesting makes you restart.

- "Your dad is going to be furious if he ever notices which, with a little bit of moving around the trophies on your window sill you can manage he won't." What?

- A lot of it is quite 'You do this. You do that.' Try using subordinate clauses at the start to create compound sentences. To be fair, I'd say this is one of the most difficult problems to overcome in any second perspective story, but especially in a CYOA seeing as it considers player choice. It's pretty hard to overcome because you can have perfect grammar and spelling and still face the problem of repetition. Reading out loud helps too.

- You change from past to present halfway through.

If you're going to write a story, please put some time and effort into thinking about a decent plot and proof-read it and then do it again.
2/8

Well... that was... interesting? I'm really not sure what to make of it. It was a little strange, mainly because nothing was really making any sense, especially the dream bit which added nothing to the story and confused me... and the squid? Where does some random squid come from? What type of person shoves themselves up a squid for others' amusement? The game was also extremely linear, thus restricting it to one pathline, which is a direct offense to interactive storytelling.

It's always so sad when you die. Does anyone else agree? No, but seriously, much more fun than homework. Thanks, and congrats.

nice game

A funny, random story with a hilarious plot twist.

This is boring and short and i don't know why you made it. I would have said good to poop on, but i feel like that's an insult to the poop. This seems pointless.

Lol....it was boring at first became interesting later :)

Boring, just as promised. At least you delivered.

no real story

That WAS a boring Saturday.

Baaaaad I didn't like it. It is nice toilt papper tho. Good to poop on.

So yesterday I was in the bathroom with a pair of scissors, I decided to start cutting off my nipple and it didn't hurt so I just cut off the rest.

Nothing that exciting. Was rather boring and short.

the Storyline is a little simple and Details are left out, but otherwise a nice game.

Kinda short. Switched from "I" to "You" perspective. Hard to read. 2/8.

Ha, This was a Great game. I liked it, but it would be even BETTER if it had more of a story! 6/8!

the story was good, but watch the spelling and grammar

Needs a little work on grammar, but wan't too bad overall.

Well its a well written slice of life story, however nothing happens...

Um... What did i just play? Oh, wait, now i know! A well written but very stupid game! What im saying is, you have a lot of talent, so why are you wasting it on horrid games like THIS?!?!

Well, I'm gonna go ahead and guess that you were pretty young when you made this game, so I'm gonna say it was a good effort and kinda funny, so well done. Still, capital Is would be nice :)

Not very good i wanted to say.

Not very god!!!

Kinda short!

It wasn't terrible spelling and options wise, it just was a little below average. It was quiet linear with the only choices being the right one and there was no "hook". There was nothing to really draw me into the game other than a squid eating a boy, which was kind of weird.

3/8

Creepy. And random. And WEIRD. And hard.

I don't even know what to say. The only thing more shocking than the fact that someone took time to make this is that I took time to play it and comment on it.

Poorly written. 3/8

linear, poorly written, and not entertaining at all!

i thought it was poorly written.

At least it's fairly well-written. But really, what's the point of the story?

linear.

This is shallow with little thought put into it. The dream is a nice diversion, but that doesn't hide its complete linearity.

That is Hilarious! 7/8

It's not bad. Being stuck in a smelly squid seems pretty funny to me - and Kyle's mom link makes me think of South Park. It must have stunk in there.

So I lose for picking to go on chooseyourstory, a website that I really like?

Well, it is annoying that after you pick one choice when you are given multiple choices that you are usually forced to pick the other one instead. Give a story for each of those choices, not just one little linear story.

Meh, not great but anyway.

Um...

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
What is this!? = -10G
Make a game that is linear and has a confusing storyline, coupled with slightly irritating grammar.

Haha great game buddie. and yeah i would probably actually do somthing like that one day.

Whoopsies! I didn't realize that your game is completely linear. Throw some twists and turns into it!

That was much better then I was expecting. I like your writing style and the way you use conjunctions. I gave it a 5/8 as the path I found was long enough and fairly well written. I ended up dying in Tim Hortons :(

Your grammar needs work; mines not perfect so I won't be a total jerk about it but it needs a bit of improvement. You should capitalize "Boring" in the title and there are alot of places where it says "i" instead of "I". Paragraphing would be cool Too.

Overall: Pretty good!