Player Comments on A tale of love and hate..

I disagree with many of the commenters, this was a fantastic story that blew me away!

Every once in a while, you run across a story that makes you do a double take, like "Wait a second, why the hell is this story rated the way it is."

This was one of them. This story should not be a 4.47/8. It should be way higher. The writer did an absolutely fantastic job here, definetly more than 4.47. This is underrated as hell.

Understandably, it is a bit linear, but this was by design. The author acknowledged that, and we still get choices, especially at the end when we choose between Nicole and Sierra.

WORLD BUILDING, SETTING, and BEGINNING

This story had a great amount of world building. Clearly, this was written by a seasoned writer, perhaps one who is more used to writing novels, but still. Indigirl's got some skills, alright.

The MC's parents are interesting. Initially their story is that of a typical love story. Rich girl and poor boy fall in love, defy their parents and run away together to live happily ever after!

Or so you would think. But this story subverts that tired trope and provides some harsh realism, because they split up. In reality, coming from 2 different worlds with the only thing binding you together being youthful infatuation, it's natural that such couples face pretty steep odds in staying together.

Indigirl understands this, and showcases how this fairytale romance gets spoiled when faced with actual realities such as paying bills and having to work a lot. Poverty is cruel, and not every person is this knight in shining armor, so he ends up leaving the mom and son.

Also, I have to admire the use of first person POV to tell this story. I don't see that often in choose your own stories here, I'll have to try that sometime.

MAIN STORY REVIEW

I love how the story takes its time building the character's relationships. It's a slow burn, and you have to have patience to appreciate this story. For instance, the scene with Helene and the main character eating berries takes up a whole giant paragraph. Another writer might have succinctly summed it up in 2-3 sentences.

But that's sort of the beauty of this work. Indigirl takes her time and it gives a nice atmosphere and makes you feel like you're really there. What I mean to say is, it's immersive if you're willing to pay attention and read through it. You need a good attention span and patience to enjoy this.

I love this line: "Her voice, her scent, her touch and her face have flooded my memories in a way that since then have never made me realise about the vacum in other aspects of life."

I love how little vigennettes from your childhood experiences with Helene are present as 4 links to choose from on the page "The first drops of joy". They're not like traditional branches in a choose your story adventure, because they don't take the story forward. Rather, they're like little impressions that help you paint a picture. The fact that they're not really in any particular order also adds a delightful sense of nonlinearity to the narrative. It makes it feel more abstract, almost as if the character is lost in his memories. After all, when we're remembering the past, sometimes we just pick a random memory out of nowhere, and from there jump to another. I like the nonlinearity here.

You could choose to go in the main order and experience "The Winters"(Age 10), then "The little nurse"(age 12), "the gift"(Age 14), and finally, "Youth"(Age 18), or you could read it in any order you see fit. I did it out of order and that made it more fun. Even if you do it in order, it still feels disjointed with large gaps in time, and I really like that. Of course, it's not completely nonlinear since you still have to click "The Youth" to progress in the narrative, since that's when the rest of the adulthood romance story starts, but it's still nice.

The actual vignettes of course are very good, and we see the love Helene and the main character have for one another, even at a very tender age.

There's a really good juxtaposition between childhood and adulthood in this story. In childhood, things were simple, the main character only had eyes for Helene. But as time passes, they grow and get jobs, like at the inn for instance, new people come in the picture. Like Nicole for instance. Or Sierra Things aren't so cut and dry and innocent anymore.

Just like how the main character's parents fell out of love, there's also a possibility you don't stay true to Helene.

Of course, Helene is the endgame. Clearly the story is rooting for you to end up with Helene, and it only feels like a proper romance tale if you end up with Helen.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed how the story branches, even if the branching was few and far between.

This was a great love story, and it's a must read. I highly recommend this story, and I give it a 7/8. Nicely done Indigirl, you should be proud!

Although this story was well written, it's very different from the typical CYOA found on this site- not that that's necessarily a bad thing!

For me, the main issues were spacing, length of paragraphs, and lack of choice (I only came across two real decisions).

Concerning the first two, to give you an idea: when I originally opened this story, I was immediately taken aback by the huge paragraphs on the page. I often found myself skimming through lines- but not because the story was boring. I only did so because of the gargantuan size they ended up accumulating to. I would recommend that, if you were to make a story in the future, you used proper spacing- it's a great way to convey emotion and separate ideas.

As for choice, you have to remember that this site *is* called "Choose your Story"! When there are only three endings that you have to offer- as you say in your summary- the story becomes very linear- as you also happen to say. This would not be an issue if the choices weren't so... clear, for lack of a better word. When choices immediately lead to cookie-cutter endings, it becomes quite bland. It also makes the reader feel like the true ending is Helena's- which is something you don't want to do. Try to make each choice feel solid.

However, apart from this, the only flaws I could find were an underuse of commas where needed, and not separating the dialogue with spacing. Be that as it may be, this is still one of the better stories on this site. I congratulate you on writing it, and give it a 5/8.

:)

Not the worst, not the best. The writing's pretty good but gradually decreases quality as the story goes on and the formatting can be a little wonky in places. Some descriptions and backstory drag on and slight grammar errors can be seen throughout. It's a cute little love story, but you're given zero interactions between the actual character, so it's more of historical retelling of events than a romance story.

4/8

Definitely a lot more story than game. However, it is an amazing story and it made me melt on the inside. There were no grammatical errors, just a few missing spaces. Overall, I really loved this, it reads like a classy romance and is perfect for a hopeless romantic. If you're looking for a little more spice, I recommend you check out some other stories though.

7/8

A very wholesome romance and a very good storyline! You got to stay true to those who’ve always stayed true to you.

awwwwwww

love it

Call me a heartless bastard, but I didn't feel anything. It was a lot of telling how perfect they were for each other, you know, but I didn't feel that much chemistry between the two main lovebirds.

I love this story because for some reason I love to do this type of stuff.

Can´t think of anything else, so take this generic comment...
This was good!

crying my eyes out omg so cute

One of the best stories I ever read

horrible say something about s**

your the worst writer and it was too long it took me 100 years to finish this story

That was cool

it was a cute story but it had no back bone. i chose to stay true to Helene because love is nothing if not durable, but it didn't make me feel anything. The story dragged me along with cold indifference, and honestly it was just boring. i wouldnt totally recommend but if you just want a quick thing to do if youre bored then go ahead.

so romantic

not good

Wow. I was completely caught off guard on the first page simply because of how long it was! I had to change my thought process from the "fast-paced" decisions to more "story-based" decisions. When I made the switch, though, I really enjoyed the story. It was well written and, of course, I'm a sucker for love so my opinion is a bit biased. *wink*

This is a very nice game, I don't mind the long paragraphs. I loved the way this was written, and the endings which you could choose.

Thank you for the beautiful story. I haven't been lucky in love and, therefore, don't read romantic stuff. But...I read your story and liked it. :)

Really good teaches that true love isn't like the illusions of society and isn't about lust or greed and true love leads to true happiness

lovely fantastic romantic amazing story line loved it

Amazing just amazing, in the routes that left Ferdinand with someone else other than Helen I felt so sad for Helen especially Nicole's Route.

You are A great Writer.

so nice >_<

Very well done, not too many choices but it was a very good story :)

It was simple, realistic and yet very enchanting :)

This was a amazing story

I left Hellene for Nicole. Ha! It was nice... NOT. Quite short, but a sweet story. I guess.

It is a very sweet story it actually tells me a lot about life,about patience and I really love these kind of stories and even if story was real and they would make a movie I will be the first one sitting there with a wide smile watching this story I will take it to the oscars if I could really a good job ????????

I stuck with Helene through the end. . .
Very nice plot and over all story.

A nice story. ends a bit quick, but leaves you satisfied.

Quite short, but I still love it.

I didn't rate this as high as I normally would because I love choices in a story game and I don't like pages to be so long. In a normal book it is fine, I have no problems with long books, but for some reason it really bothers me, it's nothing personal. On the other hand it was a beautifully written story with great character development. I hope I helps and keep writing:)

Very nicely done. It would be easier to read if there were a few more paragraph breaks though.

I liked this game a lot but possessing way too much free time for my own good I've got too much feedback for a comment box so I'll message it to read or delete as you like :) Great game though, good writing and plot :D

Please leave your comments and criticism, good or bad. It will help me improve my next stories. Thank you. :-)