Alone in the Forest

As soon as I read the first page I thought I wouldn't enjoy this. The wording of it just felt strange and choppy, and the plot was introduced rather sloppily.

However, as I started reading, I began to enjoy myself. I'll admit that the writing didn't hit me as an 8/8 masterpiece, but this had a certain charm to it that kept me entertained :)

I liked the animal perspective thing, especially as being a mouse. It really gives an interesting point of view because of many things about mice, such as being small.

I feel like you tried to add emotion (such as feeling lonely), but despite that, it wasn't fleshed out very well. Detail and character development are like the cupcake, and the emotion is the frosting. You can't exactly expect readers to feel emotion for a character they know hardly anything about other then their species.

There wasn't a lot of branching, but there was a little I suppose.

Overall, enjoyable in my opinion but needs some work :D

3/8.

I guess this is an alright kids' game, but not much so interactive fiction. You have shown you can write fairly decently and understand that interactive fiction requires choices, but specifically the choices need to be fleshed out moreso. The game needs to be less linear and open to more branches with varying plotlines. For example, only the 'retire as a hermit' and the snake paths were varied in the slightest bit. This needs to be less linear and the story should be worked upon.

I also feel like the world we are in needs to be expanded upon. Where are we exactly -- a forest? A jungle? But then why/where are the/re elephants? And there's only so limited places where monkeys can live in the wild. Point is, you need to be more descriptive in the scenery and setting departments. This isn't a bad game, just needs more work.

1/8- nothing exciting about it. Very simple

Also, the monkey and elephant paths don't lead anywhere they just reroute back to the start. This makes us think we have 4 paths, but it's actually 2

Wow, you're a good writer. I found this story to be engaging, but why is it so depressing?

I mean, after playing through all the paths, my conclusion is that it's better to be kidnapped by the human and put in a cage.

Why are we trying to make friends with monkeys, snakes, and elephants? Are there no animals our size.

This story is really short, and there's naturally a limited amount of choice, although it's not linear per se.

I did really like your writing style, it's really good and seems like it could be in a professional children's book.

Its fun for me

veri good beta

6/8 - I felt like this story had a nice meaning in the ending (at least the one I got idk if there's more). I would definitely recommend this to others.

Better than Don’t open this book please with super on top.

It was pretty good I think I liked it