Player Comments on Anya's choice

Overall: Not a bad story. Thought it was going to be entirely epistolary from the first page. I was a little disappointed, but that’s okay. Also, the tone changes wildly between the letters and the actual story.

Characters:
Anya- Defining traits include being in love with her husband, feeling the need to involve herself in everything, and worrying a lot in the form of questions that her husband never answers
Andrey- Andrey seems to have the same general personality as his wife, which can happen I guess, but character diversity is appreciated. Also, he’s off fighting the war. You’d think he’d be more… I don’t know. Soldierly. I will say he doesn’t seem to have the same tendency to worry as Anya
4/8

SPAG:
So, many, commas. It’s ok to split things into separate sentences on occasion
Not sure where to put this, so I’ll do it here. The page names are kinda wonky.
This story would really benefit from another round of proofreading. Quite a few grammatical and punctuation errors.
Quotation marks around the letters, especially when there’s other writing on the page, would be appreciated.
You switch from second to first person a few times.
2/8

Branching: Not a whole lot of changes in the story off the bat, with the exception of scripting used to change the P.S. at the end of the letter based on your choice. Otherwise pretty decent, plenty of different endings.
6/8

Plot: It’s a good idea- actually very interesting, if a little common. Even though the story isn’t long, the plot is well structured. O think it could do with a little more fleshing out, especially at the end.
6/8

Bonuses: I love all the little anecdotes referencing their past together. It really helps to connect to the characters.
+1

Total: 5/8

**other comments**
- hilarious that the dude’s name literally means “male” and “masculine”
- You do a good job of capturing the wistful left-behind farmwife vibe from the very first letter
- The first link is in present tense, while the other two options on the page are past tense (which makes more sense)
- Fourth… paragraph? On the “insist on chicken” page (btw you should probably fix that title) is “your hands shakily open the letter and begin to read”, with no capitalization or punctuation. Also, it’s written as though your hands are what’s doing the reading. May I suggest moving some stuff around, more like “You open the letter with shaking hands, then steadily begin to read.”
- The characters’ names are so similar
- Oh, he refers to her as “my love” as well. Cute ig
- On the “Maria the baker” page, the first sentence sure has a lot of commas.
- Second link on “Maria the baker” page is all lowercase while the other two are capitalized
- Also not a fan of the last line of that page
- Why did we go straight into another letter from the Maria scene?? Feels like there should be a little paragraph of thought or something first.
- On the “propose running the bakery in shifts” page, the link at the bottom need an apostrophe in “Andrey’s”
- The sentence “it’s so like you” doesn’t seem to fit the vibe of the rest of the letter
- “The Nazis have arrived.” I like that this sentence is on its own line and is short and concise. Very dramatic. Well done.
- Okay, no way she’s only seen the Nazi insignia on newsreels. The Nazis were everywhere. Where is this set? A lot of Nazi takeovers were… a bit different from this. Involved a lot more propaganda and slowly wedging their way into everyone’s daily lives.
- Nazi isn’t capitalized in the link on the “inside the bakery” page
- We’re in Russia! Suppose Anya is a Russian name, but Andrey is more French. Also “old man Petrov” should’ve given me a hint.
- His Russian is stilted and harsh? All Russian is stilted and harsh. Also, he has spoken ONE WORD, and it’s… in German. Then the next word is English.
- I feel like the choice I was making at the end of “The Nazi occupation” page was not very clearly defined.
- Sure seems like Andrey is the only man who returns
- This epilogue is the most well-written part of the story
- I’ve seen the words “my lifeline in these dark times” on what feels like a lot of pages, from both Andrey and Anya
- Yeah, didn’t think he was gonna be just allowed to leave the military casually
- Maria’s children are the last thing Andrey talks about. Something going on there? Sure seems to care a lot
- “How do you solve a problem like Mariaaaa…”

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The description clearly states the setting, situation and style. It'll be interesting to see how an epistolary format is used in a storygame. Though I'll note that there's a punctuation error in the description.

The first page starts off strong. Even if I hadn't read the description, the protagonist's relationship with Andrey is well characterized through context clues. I liked the subtle references to their partnership, such as how she refers to the farm as "our" farm and their shared memories. She feels his absence in the quiet. There's also the term of endearment she uses: "my love".

Characterization is done well. The protagonist is a doting wife missing her husband, and it's ironic that she worries about his warmth and food when there are more pressing matters like the war. It's a very personal letter. She shares her thoughts and problems with him, in a way one wouldn't to a less close acquaintance.

Setting and worldbuilding is seamlessly integrated into the letter, with mentions of the farm and the war. It's also revealed in a way that is relevant to the protagonist and her husband. The problems with harvest may be a part of the buildup towards a larger conflict. It symbolizes the protagonist's internal conflict: between generosity, individualism and community values.

WRITING STYLE

This storygame employs two formats: letters (epistolary style) and the normal narrative (prose). The letters are very descriptive and emotionally evocative, whereas---especially in the earlier parts of the story---the prose involves a lot of 'telling' readers about events. This may serve to portray how much these letters mean to the couple and how they look forward to communicating with one another.

There were a few grammar and punctuation errors which could be fixed with a bit more proofreading. Some choices were not capitalized and I don't think it's done to create a specific effect. 'Nazis' had inconsistent capitalization. The most jarring was that the point of view randomly switches from second person to first person in the middle of the story. At first, the letter is written in first person pov (for obvious reasons) but the narrative is in second person: "Your heart leaps as you rush outside". However, after the second letter, the narrative changes to first person pov. Since a deep point of view is employed in both, which effectively enables readers to understand the protagonist's thoughts and emotions, either would work, though it's important to ensure consistency.

Anya and Andrey each have their own writing style, yet these are similar in some ways. Both of them open up about their struggles, bring up memories about the others and soothe their partner's worries from the previous letter.

I love how each of them view the other as a source of joy in this miserable, war-torn world. Juxtaposition and metaphors are employed effectively: "Your letter was a warm embrace in this cold war", "lifeline in a sea of chaos" and "beacon of light in the darkness". They're both so poetic and eloquent. I enjoyed metaphors and similes like "wave of grey uniforms and cold eyes", "settled in like a disease, infecting every aspect of our lives" and "memories slip away like water through cupped hands".

CHARACTERS & PLOT

The protagonist is driven by two conflicting values: generosity in the face of self-sacrifice, or self-preservation at the cost of others. Given Andrey's replies, he urges her to strike a balance whenever she leans too much to one side. For instance, if she doesn't repay Dmitri's kindness, he gently reminds her of how the village works best when they all support each other. Yet, he tells her not to overwork herself if she adopts the children who lost their father to the war. He's a voice of reason amidst her internal conflict.

Maria is a sympathetic character. In the scene where she is introduced, there's a lot of information that reads like a summary of her struggles and how the bread affects the rest of the village. It isn't as impactful as perhaps showing the reader why it matters. Otherwise, it comes off as a sob story just to add layers to the conflict. Adding a scene where the protagonist witnesses Maria completely shattered by the loss of her husband, making her reflect on whether that's something she could bear (as opposed to mentioning it in a brief line in the letter) would capture more angst and grief.

It's a nice touch that this has parallels to the protagonist. Maria lost a husband to the war; Anya anxiously awaits her husband's return from the same war. Maybe for increased emotional impact, she could struggle to balance between her fear of losing her husband and her desire to help this close-knit community, which is established well through the letters.

It's a nitpick, but I would have thought when Anya wrote to Andrey to come home, it'll be more out of fear of losing him than needing him to help because she's overwhelmed with tasks on the farm. I would say this is due to emphasis on the relationship in the story. A lot of focus is placed on developing this, and it is done so well---the memories, the longing to be together again, the way they keep consoling each other as they face their unique struggles. Even the way these letters are the main part of the story; the driving force of the narrative. But in comparison, there are only brief mentions of how she has too much work to do (e.g. when he tells her not to stretch herself too thin or the harvest being low), hence I would have thought that and the village needing him would be secondary reasons to why she wants him to come home.

There were moments which illustrated the theme of the story: the destructive nature of war. It is encapsulated in tiny details like how they didn't tell the oldest child when his papa is coming home, even though he constantly asks about it. They try to put off this loss of innocence for as long as possible and it's sad to think he would one day find out the truth. Then there's the youngest child, calling for her mama. It really illustrates the reality of war. Many stories capture the effect of war on front line soldiers, but not as many touch upon how hard it is for the people who are left behind. There are also themes about how war doesn't involve bad guys and good guys. It's a complex topic and there usually isn't a good side. The little drawing adds a touch of personality and lightens the mood a bit.

Both Anya and her husband are very open about their struggles to one another. In one of the letters, Andrey has an existential crisis, asking himself a number of questions: What is the point of war? Is there a reason for fighting? He reconciles this struggle by reminding himself that he's fighting for their future together.

It's cute how she adopted kids and he adopted a dog at the same time.

Anya's conflicting desires and goals are presented well. Andrey wants her to maintain the land because it's all they have, but at the same time, her generosity doesn't allow her to let the town suffer. This is why the choices between self sacrifice and self preservation are so compelling. They're both very important values to her. She can't completely run herself to the ground by giving up everything they have. At the same time, the values of community are significant within their town.

The Leningrad epilogue used pacing to stretch out suspense. It builds up hope through Andrey's letter, but just as the protagonist feels a sense of relief, the Nazis arrive. She hopes beyond hope for her beloved to return. First, there's the transformation of her town after the Nazi's occupation. The narrative focuses on the children, whose joy contrasts the bleak situation, all the while delaying the main question: did Andrey survive the war?

The seasons are personified, making the writing more vivid even though it's a recount of events. Each detail paints a picture of the scene, providing a consistent mood and tone through careful choice of diction. For instance, adjectives used include "brutal", "dark" and "empty". A sense of hopelessness is conveyed: their efforts are "never enough", they watch "helplessly" as everything is destroyed and the village is a "shell of its former self". Even the village community values which they prided themself on has been completely abandoned.

At last, his fate is revealed. Anya is handed items that belonged to him. The protagonist has been clinging onto hope throughout the whole dismal situation, and in a way I didn't realize until this point, I, as the reader, was also hoping he'd somehow survive despite the overwhelming sense of hopelessness. Her being presented with items of sentimental value makes it more emotional, but my favorite part is how the journal is in the form of one last letter. While it is sad how things turned out, the ending is one of hope. The protagonist moves on with the children.

A nitpick: What happened to Maria? Why isn't she able to take care of her children? Even if it's implied she can't do that and manage her bakery, why would she choose the job over her kids and just allow the protagonist to relocate them elsewhere?

The moment when she receives Andrey's second letter after taking in the children is very emotional. It allows the readers to see her internal conflict and thoughts. Rhetorical questions reinforce her struggles---how is she expected to do everything alone? The weight of her responsibilities feel crushing and almost too much to bear.

I found the scene where the protagonist is trying to stay strong and avoid tears quite relatable. Though the child's paintings are normally joyful, they just remind her of her new responsibilities. The children's laughter contrasts her emotions, reminding her of what's at stake. She wants to protect them with everything she can and preserve that joy, so she suppresses her emotions, putting their happiness before hers.

Most endings are quite tragic, like how the protagonist tries to escape with the children but accelerates their deaths instead. The line about the forest being indifferent may represent their insignificance in the grand scheme of things---a few lives amidst many others---although they matter a lot to the reader in the context of this story. I found it slightly jarring how 'you' now refers to Andrey when it referred to Anya in the past due to the second vs first person pov confusion. And it presents the harsh reality of how war is stronger than love.

The Nazi soldiers are despicable. Anya offered to cook for them, but after the meal, they tried to make advances towards her. Refusing leads to death, though with the noblest of intentions. It's a positive character arc leading to an unfortunate end. On the other hand, there's the ending where she agrees. It's a complete opposite. Things appear to be somewhat positive, as despite the awful treatment the Nazis subject other Russian citizens to, her children are exempt from them. They are treated well. But this comes at the cost of her dignity, her freedom, but worst of all, her identity. She states she is still the same person but forever changed. And there's the guilt, which is realistic because a lot of assaulted or coerced people often blame themselves even though it is the perpetrator's fault.

At the same time, her husband lost his dog. I'm with Yummyfood here: how dare they kill the dog!

Andrey volunteers for a suicide mission, life moves on, though she believes her love was one the war could not extinguish. She looks back on their love with bittersweet memories (though I'd say they're much more bitter than sweet).

On the other path, the bakery is a symbol of warmth and comfort, like the smell of freshly baked bread, where people gather not just for sustenance but for community and hope. It is comforting to the protagonist too. Baking provides a distraction for her worries. She tries to relax, but can't stop worrying about him, which is a realistic portrayal, because when something is important, it feels impossible to keep it out of your mind. She may be surrounded by people, but his absence is felt more strongly than their presence.

When Andrey speaks of the children and how in another life they could be theirs, I like to think this is a reference to the other path. "Each day blends into the next, marked only by the constant thunder of artillery, the haunted eyes of my comrades, and the faces of those who don't make it to see another sunrise". --- this is such a descriptive way to encapsulate the horrors of war in a single sentence.

On the defiance route, I was surprised to see an epilogue when she died for what she believed in. It's a nice touch that it switches to Andrey's pov. Anya gave the others the courage to fight and became a symbol of resistance. She gave her village the most important thing they lacked throughout the story: hope. Though she died, she died a hero. And this is the first ending I found so far where Andrey survives. It shows Anya's choices are far more important and far-reaching to his war than she realized.

On the other path, her internal struggle of self preservation vs community values are at play more strongly. Betraying her village is a very difficult choice to make given how she has been characterized, but it is understandable as to why she would do it. This is a strength of this storygame---often, vastly different choices are used, but given the situation that the protagonist is in, they're all realistic to her character. We can see the difficulty of her choices through her struggles. It shows how there are no good options in the face of overwhelming destruction. As Andrey puts it in his letter, "The choice you faced was impossible, a cruel twist of fate that no one should have to endure".

I found a slight continuity error: Andrey's letter says she did it to protect the people she loved, but in this case who was she protecting but herself? She worked for the Nazis exclusively. She didn't adopt the children in this route either.

His love for her is strong; he would never turn his back on her, so he vows to return and set things right. Oh shoot, she killed herself? It's implied strongly though how it happened is not explicitly stated. Guess they can't both survive.

Finally, I'm at the last ending where she splits the resources between the Nazis and her village. I like how it's phrased: "not quite a hero, not quite a traitor, but something in between that no one seems to know how to handle." Often in wars, there's no clear good or bad, just people trying to survive. It was fun to read about malicious compliance and how resisting in their own small ways helped them feel better about themselves, as if they're fighting against the enemy in a way.

Yes, I finally found a happy ending! Andrey survived. In a way, both of them were equal parts cowardly and heroic. The protagonist didn't fully stand against the Nazis, but nor did she give in either. And as for Andrey, he left to fight, but he didnt go on the self sacrificial mission and deserted instead. But it led to their reunion and the future they both fought and endured for.

It marked character growth too. Remember the protagonist's internal struggle earlier, between being overly generous and self sacrificial on one end of the spectrum, and self preservation leaning towards selfishness on the other? To reach this conclusion, Anya had to strike a balance between these. Taking care of the children was being generous at the cost of stretching herself too thin. Yet, asking her husband to come home and not helping was neglecting their community values. Helping in the bakery was the balance. Then, she had to choose not to defy the Nazis openly which would lead to her death, nor help them exclusively by abandoning her people. Her story also parallels with Andrey who made similar decisions---staying on, at least until the suicide mission. In a way, it felt so rewarding achieving this path last. My brain just loves happy endings.

THEME

This story has mostly bad endings, and I realized it was done for a reason: to convey the theme that war only leads to destruction. It tore apart the relationship which the author spent so long building up. There's an emphasis on the cruelty of the Nazis, the agents of war: they hit an old man, killed the dog and assaulted the protagonist. Really, every terrible, dastardly deed that can be done, they did it all.

War destroyed everything pure. The children, the dog, and their love. In one of the scenes, the protagonist grieved not just for the dead, but for their loss of innocence. And there was Yelena, facedown in mud, white kerchief for delivering babies red with blood. A symbol of innocence being tainted by bloodshed; pure white forever stained with a mark of red.

The worst part is how they completely broke the couple’s relationship. They had so many hopes and dreams. Their future, an abstract concept, was illustrated through a summer evening by the river: "The setting sun painted the sky in hues of gold and pink, and the air was sweet with the scent of wildflowers". But in most of the endings, this future is never realized. There's instead the description of a war-torn land; a nightmare of reality stealing away that summer dream. At least there's one happy ending, one where this future is slowly rebuilt, a sliver of hope amidst the hopelessness.

Overall, this is a great story about the devastating impact of war told through the lens of a well-developed relationship. I recommend it to anyone glancing at this review.

Final rating: 5/8

Initial Thoughts: Of course you killed the dog. God-damned Nazis.

***** spoilers******

I enjoyed reading this one. It was a bit short and lacking in some areas, but overall A solid first attempt. It was engaging and emotional throughout, enough so that I went through every possible path. I can't say I did that with a lot of stories on here.

The branching was very well done. Almost every choice felt like it mattered in some way. The only issue I had was with the first choice. I don't think the first choice changed anything besides the post scriptum at the end of the husband's first letter.

The story itself was very good. A WWII romance about a woman from a small Russian village writing letters to her husband is not usually the kind of story I read, but you did it well. The emotions were portrayed pretty vividly, the use of letters to time skip throughout the story was clever, and the use of descriptors was alright. I do wish the village and surrounding area were a bit better indicated and described. Overall I think the story could have benefitted by being a bit longer.

I also liked the sudden perspective change in the guilt epilogue, and I think the story could have benefitted more from the husband's perspective in general. He was more of a background character, and I feel like you could get a lot more out of the theme if you told both sides. The letter aspect would then be an easy signal of the perspective switch, as the one in the guilt ending threw me off at first.

The drawing was a good addition as well. It really helped build on the atmosphere. The grammar was all good from what I remember.

The dog died in one ending and is never mentioned again in any of the others. That brings you down a score.

So basically a really solid first story. I hope to see more from you in the future. Perhaps a bit of a longer one next time?

WHATTTT?? did she die?? im so confuseddd. i really loved the characters and only clicked on the story bc my name is anya too haha, but i didnt regret it. however, i am mildly confused... i dont understand how it ended!

Well-written, intense, but painful. F*** Nazis, then and now.

I'm usually not much into romance stories but I enjoyed this since there were still other things going on with the plot, and a story told in the form of letters is interesting. The writing itself is very emotional.

I got a happy ending, but the Nazis just left? And no one minded that Andrey was a deserter? So those were some important seeming things that were left unexplained.

This was beautiful. I'm always a sucker for stories where people retain their hope for the future in the midst of dire circumstances. It was very well written. I instantly felt connections with everyone in the story except for maybe the gentleman who helped us repair our roof. He didn't really show up again with the choices I made which I thought was a bit weird. Of course, that's just a minor nitpick.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. Thank you for publishing it.

I'm quite happy to see that the biggest complaint I seem to have is that people wished it was longer! I do agree with all of the flaws you pointed out. I should have spent a little bit more time writing little details down to make sure they continue from path to path, so that's something ill keep in mind in my next storygame.

I will write another storygame! the next one I make will be much longer than this one though, and probably not as emotional, but it will also be a historical fiction storygame.

Thank you for the honest critique yummy and others!

As the casual reader, I wasn’t going to leave a comment. However, I do think that your story, mrcrimsonclean, is worth some merit. *I am under qualified as a reviewer, beware*

I think the length of this story is good for what it’s trying to convey; A story of love and survival through letters. Initially, I wondered how you would create a branching story because to Anya’s partner, your choices are words on a page. But, Anya’s Choice highlights the impact that words can have on a person, especially on someone who is very dependent on the few rays of sunshine they have in a dim and hopeless world (in the form of letters from a loved one).

The paths did have good emotional impact in places, like the dog’s death, a carved bird, or why the soldier contemplates a suicide mission. However, I do think this story would benefit from a bit more fleshing out in the situations (not the letters). For example, when the soldier returns alive, there could have been more exploration of his reception by his partner and the townsfolk. It’s as if, perhaps, the letters had a higher level of description and personality/insight into the characters than the pages on the actual situations.

All in all, solid story and would recommend!

Enjoyable.

This story was done well, especially for a first storygame. It was written well, and had plenty of branching to vary the narrative. But overall, it just felt a little short, or felt like it could have used just a little bit more.

The WW2 setting was nice, and the fact that it took place in a small Russian town. The concept of advancing the story through letters between Anya and her lover was great, and I felt carried the narrative well.

But some of the choices just felt too simple and didn't produce the amount of emotional pull that I would have expected in a story like this. Some of the themes here could have benefited by a little more development to get the reader more invested before having to make choices that are potentially lifechanging.

Overall this is a very solid and enjoyable game. Definitely recommend.