Player Comments on Break and Enter

I enjoyed it.

You put a good amount of effort into this, and for that I applaud you. The writing wasn't linear at most points, although at a few pages I noticed there were a few illogical situations.

You had character development here, and that's always nice. I felt like the way you described emotion with the characters was rather cliche, but hey at least it's there.

Some paths no doubt had more effort put into them than others, you need to work on making sure the quality doesn't spread thin in your writing, or it will seem lazy.

In some branches, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and found this to be a really good storygame about realistic situations.

I loved the humor in here, and while it was in small portions, it made me laugh.

Also, your proofreading could use work. I saw spelling and grammatical errors within some pages, and that needs to be fixed.

4/8, good work, but there's room for improvement.

im innocent i swear

it was a setup
look i didnt really steal it
i just borrowed it
my friends tol dme to do it
it was reily
get him
i can find him for you
i swear
lets make a deal
OBJECTION

Oh my gosh this is so irritating, ive played many times, this is a story, not a Choose the right thing to do book, its a story game, and every ending, whether i got to the third page or the 7th always ended up with me on cot

Was okay i guess, pretty short, and seemed a bit thrown together

The storygame was fun. I like that it had a good lesson.

" The secret word you need to remember is: "Meow"
"

Meow?

This story seems to capture the feelings of an unthoughtful person turned criminal. But it would be nice with some more backstory on the main character and some more description.

What is the "secret word" even supposed to be for? There isn't anywhere to use it!

I just wanted to say meow. I really liked this story. I personally have never been in trouble with the law before but it's interesting to see what kinds of things can happen when a teenager commits a misdemeanor. The writing was very clear and precise. Thank you for a well written, informative story.

Addendum: I now realize that it says "like a dog", not "for a dog". Please ignore that bit

I wouldn't call it realistic because I didn't end up with six warning shots in the back. Oh well, I guess if I'm living in an affluent suburb with neighbours who care so much about their precious pooch, I'm probably some white guy.

Not a bad story, but not necessarily a good one either. There's no plot, characterization or development of the setting, but I take it that's not exactly what you're going for. Still, it's nice to have these things in a CYOA. Think of it like a porno, yeah? I mean, we're all here for them to get down and dirty, but it's nice if you establish the setting, at first; our protagonist is Biggy Woodman, he's a plumber at a sorority house...

Anyway, I give this game a 3/8. Hopefully you make a game that's not super short, and for a school project, because I'd like to see what you can do.

Not bad for being written in a day, but, authors are generally encouraged to spend longer than a day on a story.

Lots of punctuation issues were a distraction to reading, and really, this feels more like Edutainment than Modern Adventure. The entire story basically exists to explain and preach the gospel of Restorative Justice.

The writing is good but there is very little in actual choice making. Several options lead to the same page and having the character at the end described as he/she is really distracting. You wrote this in a day and I feel if you put more time and effort into your next story you can create something worthwhile, best of luck