Player Comments on Broken Bonds

What I liked:

*The characters don't all blend together, and each has their own unique motivations and distinctive qualities. This does more than help keep the reader from being confused, it helps build the world.

*That there is some conflict among the "good guys," at least in the branches I explored, about what should be done. Moreover, these disagreements promise to have potentially significant effects on the cause the protagonist is fighting for—or they would, rather, had this story explored them in these branches (see the dislike parts below).

*A solid established lore. While some of the motives for the eternal conflict aren't necessarily clear, the fact that the conflict spans lifetimes is interesting in and of itself. Likewise with the established relationships between characters that span multiple lifetimes. It would be cool at some point in one of these stories in this series to show how these characters "find themselves" and then rediscover relationships from past lives.

What I didn't like:

*I'm not a fan of unearned sappy romance. But because this is part of a series, I'll give it a pass, at least in part. Still, the whole concept of an unbreakable bond between two people, without any reasonable way in which they might grow to split apart or even hate each other, kind of grinds my gears. More of a personal preference, I know, but that kind of love is like a protagonist who never has doubt about what the right thing to do is. I suspect why people like that sort of thing (probably a form of wish fulfillment), but I've always preferred messy romances. I don't mind deeper bonds being formed with new understandings, but not without massive conflict first, lots of doubt, and one or both characters at one point thinking they'd rather end the relationship. Perhaps that occurs somewhere in this series, but thus far after reading a couple of these, there doesn't seem to be any real conflict in the relationship other than one partner being miffed at the other from time to time.

*That this isn't a complete story, at least with the two branches I explored. Even though this is part of a series, I see no logical reason for the story to end with the rescue of Rain. We don't even get to see what Jana did back at the camp, and the consequences of that. I feel like there is a lot of potential for some revolts or other forms of conflict within your forces. Additionally, we don't even get a confrontation with the Ancient One, even though, again, there's no logical reason, story-wise, for the story to end before that. If this is a series, then this feels like half an episode.


Overall, the good definitely outweighs the bad. This is a nicely established world, and the characters are unique and interesting. It is, IMHO, the best of the entries for this contest, and would be a clear winner if it was a complete story in the branches I explored.

Still, most of this story is well-done. Given the low-effort crap you often here, this is a welcome addition.

Well done, this is a really fantastic story! I mean, you used the 47,000 words incredibly well to create a multitude of interesting branches. I found this work to be really exciting and fun to read as a fantasy novel.

The first page, Nightmares and Memories, is a fantastic way to bring readers into this world. I really enjoyed the first sentence: "I'll come back for you, Thorne. It doesn't matter how many times you kill me. I won’t rest until you destroy me for good.” I also love that you put that spine-chilling line in italics, nice choice!

Thorne is a seriously menacing villain, I was really scared for Arendin, only to be relieved when it turns out that it was just a dream sequence.

This was a fantastic way to begin the story!

There’s also no necromantic orgies in this one, which was nice for me, but maybe it’s not as nice for other readers.

I actually liked the romance picturized between Arendin and Rain, the way you write the 2 lovers was well done. It’s also really gay, which I approve of, this being the Gaybellion contest! I mean, we have a standard to uphold.

I really love the internal conflict in Arendin; how part of him wants to just give up and live happily with Rain for the rest of his life, but the other part of him knows that resisting Thorne’s evil is necessary.

I love the way you describe side characters like Cassian and Elisaria; your characterizations have the practice and deftness of a seasoned author. You don’t go crazy into depth telling us about the different chainmail, or armour, but at the same time, you give us enough for us to picturize the characters in our minds.

The branching is really well done, just as it was in “Into the Darkness”.

In the path I took, I was surprised to see Elrond again, from the first book, but I guess it makes sense. I can’t believe he would backstab Arendin like that, since if you choose to surrender, then you get murdered by Thorne, because in the other book Elrond was on your side. But maybe this is a prequel from long before the father and son had a rift.

At the core of all of this chaos, magic, war, and evil ancient ones of course, is the relationship and bonding between Arendin and Rain. And man, was it so good. I mean I really felt the love between the characters, and when they would fight, I felt it emotionally. Lifemate is such a good way to describe their relationship, so I thought that word choice was particularly apt.

Overall, this story is a fantastic entry to the contest, and you definitely feel for the characters as they fight against such an all-powerful foe as the Ancient One. It fits the rebellion theme well, and just, great job! This is a frontrunner for the contest, and definitely one of the better entries for sure!

Well done with little to no SPAG issues. Characters are well voiced, and the story moves at a good pace.

Some small confusion on some paths that require you to use your items on what appears to be linkless (read deadend) pages. This may be due to just not having a lot of items in games I have played previously, but it honestly only occurred to me to try items after I had posted that I thought you had a deadend.

The choices presented offered a nice variety and interesting changes to the narrative. It would be nice, with this being set in the same world as your other one, where this falls in the timeline. For a story about recycled souls and the like, that seems an obvious miss in the narrative.