Player Comments on Neon Genesis Evangelion: You Can (Not) Wait

This is really an overinflated score, truly. It's quite a shame that the first exposure of many people to Neon Genesis Evangelion is eh this crap.

The plot was I think about some guy being cast into a live action adaptation of the show though I really couldn't follow the plot.

As a resident weeb, I've read the manga, am aware of the ending of the anime and read several analysis pieces about it. It's a deconstruction of the mecha genre, popularized many anime character archetypes (look up rei amamiya clones and you get the point) and is an overall Hallmark of anime with a sprinkle of development hell and the own depression of the director bleeding through the latter part of the series.

It's really a good show. And I think that this makes it a downfall for fanfic writers haha. It's difficult to expand and improve or at least match the original work when it's this legendary. (Plenty fanfics about the mediocre wizard school or the weeb imitation of superhero highschool stuff, but goodluck finding a long berserk, vagabond or Vinland saga fanfic.)

Already from the start we see the author try to do some meta humor, with the protag being aware of the show already, snarkily commenting about certain events happening in the story that are similar to the show. It makes heavy use of multimedia with pictures, music and colors.

To be honest, while very impressive and at times pretty,they serve no narrative purpose. (Too bad the game's so old that the links to most of the pictures stopped working) I find it actually distracting at best and at worst downright unreadable (and not in a good way). For the latter part of the story, some text could only be read once you highlight it for some godforsaken reason. The random colors for the chat forums don't mesh well with the white background, especially the particularly light ones. Really the overall formatting is enough reason for me to want to rip out my eyeballs and shove them in the author's mouth whenever they decided to come back.

And why do people think it's funny? Perhaps I'm getting too old, but lol random humor doesn't do it anymore for me. The characters shallow and uninteresting, the writing piss poor.

(I hate it when authors laze their way into writing LISTS in their story. I see it more and more in YA novels and no matter how much you spruce it up with snark. It's SO LOW EFFORT THAT I WANT TO YELL AT THEM and shake their infantile brains so hard that they develop shaken baby syndrome.)

If I really have to think about it, finali incantum is the only decent fanfic story game in the site I've read so far despite having to use Google translate everything to play it properly. It takes the things that is to like about Larry Lotter and gives us more. (Mainly the exploration part and the weird animals and plants)

Tldr: stop writing NGE fics, none of them would be any good. The one from Wibbons was also very lacking. Pick some low hanging fruit like Harry Potter instead or I dunno Naruto or something? Standards are much lower and world building potential is much higher.

I gave it a 5 because I have to factor in how much I enjoyed the plot, etc. I've never seen the show and I don't care much for the genre but I will say that you write well and you clearly did your research and knew what you were talking about.

In addition, your use of the advanced editor was superb and everything flowed very well. However, I think you should always refrain from insulting your reader (which you do at least once) and you should also stop breaking the fourth wall in your links as I feel like it wrecks immersion.

So basically, if you took your knowledge of the advanced editor and your skill with language (though I'd like to see your tone mature a little), and fixed a few small problems and then ported it over to a plot I enjoyed more, I would love to play it. As it is, the storyline just wasn't for me.

I'm not familiar with the anime, but it’s obvious that you put a huge amount of effort into this game. It has some really good things in it and a decent amount of scripting. I did find some of the narrative hard to read, due to the long screen names of the characters involved, but think they fit the theme, so I won’t rate based on that. For Fan Fiction, I think this has to be the best offering yet, so I’m giving it the highest mark, based on that and the behind the scenes work that I know went into this game =)

Considering Evangelion, I expected a thought-provoking, theoretical essay on how some incel (Shinji) lives out his life with his lifeless doll of a girlfriend (Rei).

I did not expect this at all, but at the same time, I really should've. Evangelion fans are crazy, and this is basically your prime example of one.

I'm pretty sure this only has high ratings because all the Evangelion fans just HAD to give it a high score. All in all, the story was meh, and I'd much rather read a 100,000 thousand word fanfic that's 'deep' and 'though-provoking' and you need the wiki page pulled up next to it to understand anything.

The colors blinded me a bit since I'm reading in the dark. It was alright.

Love the rage ending

Thought it was a cool idea to throw in the item of a record player and linking it to youtube videos (linking it to real life?) ;)

at the area of "Preparations", none of the text would show up...

I'm not sure whether I find the premise interesting or just... ... like, an overload of you. xD

I was laughing my ass off, and I've never even seen Evangelion. The weird/unorthodox humor, therefore, is the strongest point of the game; although the scripting here is nothing to sneeze at either.

However, it was a bit annoying having to highlight the item text to read it during the battle sequence. You might have set it to covertly replace the items with lighter-text versions when entering said part of the story. It's a minor concern though.

I think it deserves a 7. Damn good for a first story.

Great writing and storyline.

I think I used <body bgcolor="#------"> for regular backgrounds. For backgrounds that change colors I used <body background="image url"> to put in a simple animated gif. And to make THOSE there's a bunch of sites like Iaza.com that can help you make them.

How did you do the background colours?

Although this is not my cup of tea I enjoyed it. I like the effort you put into it and the colored chat nice touch. i gave it a 5 :)

I know it's probably a bad idea to comment on my own storygame immediately after it gets published, but...betaband! Your comment doesn't give me any advice whatsoever! I don't want people to be turned away from this storygame because someone gave it such a low rating for what seems to be no reason! Please at least send me a private message with suggestions.

ahhhhhh