Player Comments on The Drugs Wouldn't Stop The Nightmares, Chapter One.

I didn't like it much.

First of all, it's another one of those two minute storygames that claim to just be chapter one, but then the rest never gets published. It makes it feel like a demo and it feels incomplete.

The writing was pretty decent, I would have added more detail though. The nightmares were pretty creative and fun to read through.

The plot itself seemed a bit cliche to me, but it was very well fleshed out. I would have had more character development if I were you, which is quite crucial in these whole "I don't remember anything," pieces.

I would have really liked a backstory, but I guess that was planned for the future chapters that never got published, and probably never will for that matter.

The small amount of branching was a bit annoying, but I guess there were a few paths. However, the short length doesn't really go with the branching very well...

3/8.

The writing and premise are good. The nightmares are creative enough to motivate me to play multiple times to read about all of them. I just want to see more than the short stories I read. I hope Chapter Two has more creative nightmares and gives some satisfying backstory on the protagonist.

This is a classic example of a writer trying to find his own style by changing the rules of grammar to suit his whims. It really doesn't work and all it does do is distract the reader. When you use more sentence fragments than actual sentences, the reader no longer is able to focus on your plot and can only attempt to struggle through reading your words. Essentially, they cannot see what you are saying, they can only see how you are saying it. You need to learn to write in conventional English before you will be able to properly tell a story. Cut out the sentence fragments, stop repeating yourself and find a way to use words instead of grammar to convey a mood. I suggest reading the top storygames on the site (particularly anything by Endmaster) to see what I'm saying.

Blah Blah blah. Comment Comment Bad.

Jesus Christ. what a happy ending(not sarcastic)
;D glad our wife sucked us

I don't want to sound whiny but you can die way to easy, I was not given any clue that going to my wife would kill me yet it did.

Do better drugs.

Pretty lame.

Good but not great. Intro needs to set the scene better and story could do with being longer.

Well written and fun but needs to be longer.

Well, that was a bit trippy to say the least.

Well its an interesting start but needs to be much longer as it reads like a demo

I really liked what was there, but I wish it was part of one long story instead of the beginning of a series.

good

It was sad, but not in the way you were going for. At times, it just felt a little cheesy with all the "forever alone" stuff. Still, it had a decent amount of options but not enough to make up for the writing, in my opinion.

3/8

good idea, bad writing 4/8

Uh........It was alrighttt, I was hoping for alot more though=/ Nice start, now finish it.

cool

Okay.

terror

This thing needs the rest of the chapters -- otherwise it totally sucks.

that was....interesting. but a good interesting. can't wait for the next chapter! or is there one already?

No real outstanding problems, you just need to lengthen it. I like your style, your writing is enticing. Please write more!

After having played several times: The writing is quite decent, but the story is much too short. I like that there are more than a few possible paths, but every branch ends after no more than two or three pages. I think this probably contributes to the lack of attachment we feel for the protagonist. Suggestion: Are we intended to be the same person in every story? If so- rather than end and leave comments at the end of each branch, force the player to move through each room sequentially, ie whatever ending one gets for dining room, instead of ending game, move on to living room, and so forth. This would lengthen the game and give more of a sense of a continually repeating nightmare. With each iteration of the dream, the player could learn more about who the character is, and perhaps why he is in this dream world.

Hmm, it wasn't very long, and there wasn't much story there. An honest effort, though, and I'd like to see more from you.

Banisher: That is kinda the point. I feel like having a character you can fit in, so you can properly play. I am sorry if this causes problems, and I will change it if you still think it is annoying.

I will say though, your writing becomes less fragmented as the story continues. Your sense of humor is budding as well, and pretty good, but I still felt no connection to my character. Try to make us invest some emotion into the protagonist.

Nice Job Fniff, first rate writing.