Player Comments on The End of Your Life
What a frightening title for a story game.
However putting that aside, for a short game, I don't believe it to be bad. Sure there's a bunch of dead ends, but that's clearly forewarned in the title and even description of the story itself. This was a story that I feel gives the player something of a vested interest in what is occurring. It doesn't drag itself to the duration of its premise, but instantly throws the player into a bit of a mystery as to why there's death seemingly around every corner for them.
That said, it does leave the story being a bit linear. I feel that unless you're someone with a penchant of enjoying reading a game in which your character can be killed off in a variety of ways, there might be a dulled sense of enjoyment. It might even become irritating losing on a whim from one wrong move chosen.
I just so happen to not be in the latter camp of not enjoying finding myself trudge through every possible outcome before reaching the conclusion. And for what it might be worth, this wasn't badly written. So there's that.
Wouldn't mind seeing more from this particular writer. Like maybe a story with a bit more meaningful branching paths? Anyway, decent work, eatyourveggies.
on 12/11/2020 5:05:21 PM with a score of 0
If you look for some quick entertainment I would give this a shot. If you want a story, look elsewhere.
This game was well written in the sense that the paragraphs make sense, the grammar checks out and the typesetting looks good. Also the choices are pretty logical: I was feeling I made informed decisions and the things did work out in the way they expected, which is nice.
The main problem with this story is that there doesn't seem to be a story. I haven't tried to track down all branches, but I read what was on the page and made the logical choice and that got me to the 'true' ending in about 5 minutes.
The event described is in itself quite engaging, but on it's own it isn't a story. Stories, even short ones, have a story arc. Most commonly they start with an introduction, then build up tension and even after the tension is resolved there is an aftermath, an ending. By contrast here it's: "Something happening, quick make three decisions, congrats."
In summary this isn't an epic storygame and I would argue it isn't even a story, but its actually well written and the 5 min I spent with it were fun. I remember that I was actually looking for such quick games when I first visited this site, so I think some people will enjoy is while others will criticize the short length.
on 11/30/2020 2:16:16 PM with a score of 0
— WAHluigi on 3/2/2021 2:28:40 PM with a score of 0
I think the main issue with this one really comes down to pacing, which in this style of story also ties in with your branching structure.
You've got a lot of choices all over the place which end the game quickly, then the two leading off from the AC vent where the actual story is. So instead of a tree it's more like....I dunno, some mown grass with a dandelion sprouting up?
It's rare that I'd say a story has *too much* branching, but in the case less sudden deaths and a narrower focus that stacks both the powers showing up and the explanation for them into one plotline would've made for a more substantial feeling story. And instead of skulking around offscreen, maybe the nefarious Jake could've made an appearance?
on 2/10/2021 3:27:12 PM with a score of 0
better than doing homework.
on 1/20/2021 8:53:36 PM with a score of 0
I really enjoyed this one! There was a minor spelling error near the beginning, but it's no big deal. This world it's set in seems really interesting, and I'm excited to read more about it if you make a sequel in the future! Keep up the good work :)
on 1/12/2021 9:05:51 PM with a score of 0
This is a well written game, just not a very good story. It has few real dead ends, and most deaths feel reasonable and fair given the context. I just wish there was more here to talk about. In the technical sense, it works just fine, with few grammatical errors I saw and passable enough writing. There just isn’t much meat on the bone in this story, and not much to work with when trying to formulate an opinion. The reveal at the end feels contrived and there’s no indication or way the reader could’ve picked up on it in any path of the story. In being such a short work, our character is a blank slate the story runs through, but I can excuse this as a product of the work being the length it is.
All in all, it works as a game, but in most ways, just falls short as a story. It’s good for what it is: quick, snappy, and a good time. It’s just what it says on the tin, so if that’s your sort of jam, I’d say hop right in!
on 12/26/2020 4:49:28 PM with a score of 0
The writing is really not that bad, but there's only one path that feels like a full game (hide in the AC duct, try to escape out the parents window) and even that one cuts off right after everything is explained and suddenly gets interesting.
The snow part is sort of cool too, but only makes sense if you got to talk to your parents and the agent first.
on 11/30/2020 5:11:05 PM with a score of 0
I seem to have lucked on the snow and its twin "explaination" endings right away. From the description, I expected more difficulty. The rest of the content seems to be mostly just dying over and over.
on 11/30/2020 12:43:16 PM with a score of 0
There is a lot more to it than I thought. Interesting.
on 11/30/2020 5:02:53 AM with a score of 0
A decent attempt at a story. Its quite short but at least its not riddled with spelling errors and lol random bullshit
on 11/30/2020 4:40:06 AM with a score of 0
Having found what I presume is the main ending (which congratulates me for surviving... "and so much more") I have to say that if you happen upon the right set of decisions, then the conclusion is reached rather quickly. The story doesn't earn any of the tension (and then relief upon surviving) that a good thriller should offer.
To be honest, there are only two decisions in the main path: you pick one action on the first page, and then refine that action on the next. Then stuff happens, then something about snow in the summer, then getting on a helicopter. I think the author intended the reader to find this ending only after a process of elimination; after reading through all the quick-death endings, we're supposed get the gist that someone is out for blood, and thus might feel fearful when we finally take the "winning" action.
In a more developed story, many of these events would be placed more serially: first we're going about our business, then the dog is killed, then after a sequence of near misses with the bad guys we develop a plan to survive.
In terms of the writing, I'll note only the opening line:
"For a split second that stretches into eternity you sit there wide awake in the sudden silence."
Before I'm getting into the story, I'm already picking this apart:
"For a split second that stretches into eternity..."
[ME: So which is it? A split second or an eternity?]
"...you sit there..."
[ME: Where's "there"? What's the setting of this story?]
"...wide awake in the sudden silence."
[ME: Oh, "sudden." So forget that part about "eternity," this really has just been a split second.]
So, congrats on your first storygame, don't let a little critical feedback knock you off your stride, keep writing if you really enjoy it, keep reading too to get an idea of what kind of stories you like (and pick them apart to see how they work).
on 11/29/2020 6:42:58 PM with a score of 0
It has a good premise, but the plot is really confusing and the reasons for the attack are not clear enough. I miss more expressivity and feelings in the main character. However, it is an entertaining game that can be improved easily with some fixes.
on 11/29/2020 4:49:38 PM with a score of 0