Player Comments on The Song Binder

I was immediately intrigued by both the blurb and the cover for this storygame. Both immediately piqued my interest...and on the first page, I found myself drawn into the visual and, dare I say, flowery language used. As a child, I loved reading all kinds of different myths and legends and fairy tales, and the language used in the opening page really drew me in as I began to learn about the background of the world and Argel.

I did get a bit lost when the horn was abruptly sounded, as it threw me out of the original feel of the story. Unfortunately, once I lost that initial draw, I struggled to get it back. It was a shame, because further pages continued to use that flowery, almost poetic language...but I think that having the focus be on one character, only to snap to a completely different one in the next page, made it hard for me to read.

I have to say, I did really enjoy the riddle part of this storygame, but I think you could have included at least one ending when the riddle was answered wrongly. Instead, you're given the options to either deceive or give up your horses. I would have liked something a bit more like the sphinx from Ancient Egypt, where the wrong answer results in death. Of course, given this is more of a fairy tale, I appreciate that the ending might be more 'locked in'. However, the final choice that is offered seems to suggest there might be two or more paths to later explore. Sadly, those haven't been written yet...but I do like the link to the beginning page.

I did find it a bit difficult to really get to know the characters and care about them. This might have been due to the third person narration. While really well-written (with only a few minor spelling/grammar errors I noticed), I find it easier to connect emotionally with characters when an interactive story is written in the second person.

Despite it being short and unfinished, I did enjoy the start of this storygame. I'd be interested in reading the full version if it's ever expanded upon in the future.

If you are a fan of medieval fantasy, this story-game will deliver a most delightful experience! And while it does come up short in length, and ends rather abruptly, what is here will enchant you and inspire your imagination. Not just in terms of the worldbuilding aspects, but the game mechanics too. It certainly did for me!

Spoilers from here on out.
The starting page is great at setting up the rest of the story. It introduces the enemy, and establishes the lore rich lands that are under threat of being conquered, which sets up the stakes at hand. Having the castle fall to the enemy, and the later proclaimed legendary point-of-view character, Argel, fall with it, is a very grounded way to set up the large scale power dynamics and threat of the enemy. Overall, the first page sets up the rest of the story quite well.

My favorite part was the riddle in the forest. When I first did the riddle, I thought to myself: “Well, it's obvious the long and detailed choice which includes Argel from the first page is the answer.” So when it was wrong, I was genuinely surprised. But when you consider Nolgrim’s line “...your enemy is not my enemy.”, his logic reveals itself, for he doesn’t care about the ultimately short term squabbles of man, but only that which surrounds him and will last forever. The answer being “Water, Fire, Earth, and Wind.” is clever in another way. When you first read it, it feels cliche, and like a clearly false answer on a multiple choice test. To add to that, the other choices have clear meaning you don't have to delve into, and do sound like plausible answers to the riddle. All this gives the outward appearance of an easy, maybe even lazy riddle, but surprises you with how detailed it actually is.

I wish you could have named the horses before you entered the forest, to attach some emotional investment to what is otherwise a disposable resource, although there is the tension created by the feeling that the forest will swallow you up, should you give up your best method of transportation. The horses and your sword being the only resources given to you up to this point is clever, as two of the three options involve using them.

I love how the Elich react to your decision regarding Nolgrim. It’s not only a very appreciated acknowledgement of your decision, but if you gave up your horses, under the assumption that attacking this potentially magical foe would be a more costly decision, the Elich tell you he isn’t powerful at all, which is something of a gut punch, and simultaneously matches with the results of the alternate decision to attack. It also disabuses the player of the notion that everything is magical, which is a great way to tell the player how casually used or rarely seen the magic is.

In the Elichen city, people talk regretfully about the events in the prologue. It reinforces what was promised in page one, and ties this place into the setting of formerly mentioned places. Having previously mentioned people like the squatchmen referenced and expanded upon also helps to tie the past to the present.

The two main characters, Norvander and Beria, are given the feeling of having more depth to them that will be expanded upon. They have some nice interactions on their way to and through the forest, but beyond that they hardly interact.

The lore is rich and interesting, until the end where I felt it was starting to feel like it had worn out its welcome. The amount of namedrops and description is a lot of information to take in that is only relevant in the long term. To allow the reader to breathe in the details better, I would have liked to see some much needed interactions between Norvander and Beria, in between the descriptions. Like, have them comment on what they’re seeing, and have them compare it to their own past experiences.

The writing itself was fanciful, which suits the fantasy setting very well. The grammar was mostly good, but left a bit to be desired in certain areas.
There is no page for proceeding without light; it redirects you to the page where you did choose light.

Ultimately, this was a great start to a much larger, in depth story in the future. If the author is to continue this story, I would recommend centering it on the interactions between Beria, Norvander, and the challenges they face.

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

There are a lot of ‘greats’ in the description, potentially foreshadowing a theme of achieving greatness or perishing in the attempt. As for me, I just hope this storygame will be ‘great’. Jokes aside, it has a well-written description which introduces the main conflict and some of the actors involved in it. This seems like a classic good vs evil story. There are some unexplained fantasy terms such as ‘The War of Harmony’, ‘Elichen’ and ‘the Stone Mark’ which might point towards extensive worldbuilding.

Onto the first page. I like the vast, vivid descriptions where Argel watches over the land from above, looking at the different landscapes and locations. It feels cinematic; I picture a camera zooming into each place, one at a time, showing snapshots of each from a bird’s eye view. It employs a good mix of verb-based and noun-based sentences; there's lots of concrete imagery grounded in specific details; the careful choice of diction connotes a different sort of ‘personality’ for the main locations.

Yet, a critique is that it slows pacing and is somewhat of an infodump. Is it imperative that readers know about each and every place from the beginning of the story? It would be much better were this to be interspersed throughout the narrative, which may mean letting the protagonist focus on just one or two locations and restructuring the rest to later in the story when they actually enter that setting. This also prevents readers from forgetting important details—when they're all delivered at once, it may be harder to keep track of the names and corresponding descriptions.

Then, the focus zooms in on the tower. It is portrayed as a “place where bad dreams came upon the ill winds, and the haunted voices of dark and twisted beings could be heard”. This gives the sense of such information being imparted through whispered rumors, of which no one can be certain of the truth, though it's evident there is something dark and ominous lurking there. It is revealed that the protagonist has been there, only to state that the truth is worse. This, coupled with the rich and immersive descriptions, is a great way of setting up the stakes and foreshadowing the severity of this future conflict.

In another paragraph, there are even more lands and tribes. Maybe I'm just reading this late at night, and it's more of a criticism of my memory than the story, but it's starting to get hard to keep track of everything. It doesn't help that most have names starting with s. There's a brief lapse to present tense but I only catched it when glancing at that paragraph a second time.

Argel’s backstory makes him uniquely suited to be the first character introduced in this story. He faced the Gabanoks and their beast Izlaroth years ago, in the same conflict that left the world in its current ruinous, collapsed state. The Wall of Harmony broke (great symbolism in the name). The first page ends with him pierced by a sword. This leaves readers intrigued to click to the next page.

WRITING STYLE

I'm conflicted about my thoughts on the writing style. On one hand, I love how descriptively everything is written. The prose is beautifully constructed, immersing readers in the scene, incorporating sensory details like snapshots of each scene. This story is a perfect example of ‘showing’ rather than ‘telling. Moreover, there's a cadence and rhythm to the words. One part was the lines of ‘some defenders fell’ and ‘a great many fell’ with descriptions interspersed around these. It also sets up a structure of cause and effect; everything flows very well.

However, one could also say there is too much emphasis on description. This slows pacing. Even the supposedly suspenseful scenes seem more like war paintings—frozen in time, broad brushstrokes detailing a fine image, though lacking a sense of urgency. This reminds me of writing advice I once heard that helped me resolve some issues with my own work: writing is like a window pane. Of course, it's nice to have a beautiful window pane, but it shouldn't distract from the view (which in this case is the story). As much as I love the way everything is described, at times it borders on purple prose.

There were a few typos and grammatical errors which a quick proofread could fix.

Where the writing excels is setting description. One example is Islernis. So many details are provided, from the winding passages in the cliffs of stone to the great trees where lookouts are stationed. I wonder if the author uses pictures of actual places or if this is all somehow visualized by a very powerful imagination. Either way, this city feels so real, from its defensive layout to its nature-shaped environment.

The same with the Elich. While the description went on for slightly longer than might have been ideal, it made sense, given how many times they were mentioned before they were actually seen by the protagonists.

Even more impressive was the description of the city itself, interwoven with plot to ensure the pacing doesn't slow down. I love how it described the massive tunnels, unusually sturdy cliffs and great supplies (the word ‘great’ is used many times but I prefer to think its a recurring motif rather than a crutch word), only for there to be the line, “And while so filled and so great, it felt yet so empty.” This detail—that they had few defenders or were short on numbers—seemed like it would be important later on.

CHARACTERS & PLOT

The second page introduces the reader to Norvander, the lost prince of Sovander. It uses third person omniscient pov so his thoughts and feelings are described. This sets up the worldbuilding: the ‘good folk’ tend to stay away from the Free People who use what they consider to be evil magic. The dynamics established here foreshadowed the conflict between him and Beria, who annoyed him with everything she did.

Speaking of worldbuilding, the number of places and people and fantasy terms being used makes this seem like a very well thought out world. It was a bit disorienting at first—like being thrown in the middle of a fantasy novel, with different terms and settings, but the narrative became more focused as it went on.

Beria has quite a distinctive character voice. It's somewhat reminiscent of old English with phrases like ‘naught’ and ‘have heart’, maybe even Shakespearean. Just like the narrative, she has a poetic way of speaking, e.g. “We are of the humanity, but dwell outside it. In dark dimmery that does not spoil the eyes, and soft songs and quiet ways.” She is portrayed as one with nature: she says initially doesn't use a torch as their environment ‘does not like [light]’ and her laugh is equated to stones rumbling in a stream.

A link error: choosing whether to proceed with or without light leads to the same page.

I liked the part where the protagonists had to answer a riddle by the troll under the bridge. It's a common fairytale convention. The riddle was also well known, though with its own twist given the writing style. It is interesting how all the answers sort of make sense. Based on how they got past it, the page with The Gates of Islernis starts with a different paragraph and might include a mention of horses.

Soon, the protagonists are welcomed into the city and rested, then set out in a carriage. They ride past the inner ring of the city. Maybe a suggestion would be to focus a bit more on plot throughout the story. Thus far, it seems like most of what has happened involves description rather than action. Readers know a lot more about what the world looks like than the main characters or their mission, which forms the anchor and emotional attachment aspect of any story.

This story, just like a number of contest entries I’ve read, has the problem of abruptly ending just when it was about to begin. And I was getting invested! There was a good inciting incident (whether or not Norvander would answer the call and venture past the point of no return), but it is here that the story is cut short. Still, I liked the mention of Argel and how he was Luniza's husband. It makes the prologue more relevant and gives the sense that he didn't die in vain.

To the author, if this story is completed, it'll be nice to see it in its entirety. Maybe I'd even write another textwall review.

great potential for this to be more and would love to see another couple parts for this. Seems like it could be a really good series, but as it is, there just are very few choices even for such a short story

A good read with decent writing and a quite immersive world that ended a little suddenly. A good read overall.

Enjoyable read and well written story. The world felt big and immersive and I Wish there was more of it to explore.

Nice work!

I Enjoyed this story but it could have been longer.

The writing is very excellent and vivid. The story is meaningful and packed of exposition. The characters are interesting. It could definitely could become an epic with more time and writing. Besides the classic goblin-under-the-bridge-telling-riddles, I feel like this story is more high fantasy than fairytale, but I won’t hold it against it. And like a lot of high fantasy, this story suffers from key-smash character names which are difficult to remember as well as heavy exposition at the beginning, which would work so much better if the story was simply longer and elaborated.

I rather liked it, the ideas for the world (creatures, food, people) were imaginative and certainly have a good amount of potential, but it was sadly a little short. Also, I think that there was perhaps too much exposition at the start.