[I am writing this as a clarification to the above. I have unwatched this post, so I will most certainly not be posting anything to these forums ever again. Know that I am not ignoring the posts and appreciate any concern or kindness people show, even if much of the concern is unwarranted]

For anyone concerned or confused, when I talk about "gods that set fire in the head", I am using these things as metaphors for things like "mania", because the "Song of Amorgin", which I was indeed quoting, reference seems to be describing such a situation. I am not having hallucinations, and I have never made this claim at all. Even if I wasn't using them as metaphors ,even if I meant it, there's a quote by CS Lewis which reads something along the lines of "I find it easier to imagine demons and gods as real forces rather than as simply psychological factors". I do not think CS Lewis was being demented, or schizopherinc, or any of the things we're talking about here. We just live in a world that has been so absurdly disconnected from any serious discussion of religion that even using these things as casual metaphors is enough to draw these sorts of criticisms, let alone discussion of them as actual, real-life forces as CS Lewis did. Carl Jung obviously considered these things to be metaphors for human behaviour, but I do not think it fair to insist that he was right and every person who disagrees is wrong.

I genuinely just have a completely different way of thinking about things than many people do. This doesn't make me "demented", "schizophrenic" or any of these things. I think seeing the world in a totally religious framework is actually more comprehensive than otherwise, which is why I have somewhat recently made the switch to seeing things in a "modernist/post-modernist" framework to a "fully religious" framework.

Again, I will not be posting any more to forums, here or anywhere else, ever again. There's no point if I have to make entire, vast paragraphs explaining an off-handed statement or quote that I think of in the spur of the moment.

I have been to the doctor. They have given me a number to call if things get worse, but they seem to be calming down now. One thing I noticed was my voice seemed to be stuck on 1.5x speed, so I think the after-effects are still lingering, even now. It was a good idea to go and get that number, just in case. Thank you so much to everyone who insisted that I do so.

I suspect the reason for my mental state was I was suddenly having very, very, very many different thoughts about extremely diverse things all at once. I actually found it difficult to do anything more than sit quietly for many hours at a time, literally just thinking. This is what contributed to my time distortion, because I didn't realise I had been sitting in one spot motionless for like half a day. And I was starting to notice some very, very spooky things about the whole "forum adventure" relating to my story which I still think are very, very spooky. Perhaps some people are starting to piece things together, but it should be clear to everyone soon what my thoughts on the matter are. I think it will make pretty much every important detail clear, including my reasons for doing all the things that I did.

I have been thinking, and I think I will most likely not leave this site. Certainly, I will try to save my two favourite stories that I deleted, and I think the "copy paste" process will probably help settle things. But I think I will be taking a good long break, because as bad as it has been for me I also know it affected multiple people here, and I think it would do everyone a lot of good if I distanced myself from everything for a while. Not forever, mind you, I think CYS still needs its "White Wizard" pegasus to keep away all the demons and spookums and things that go "bump in the night". But certainly for a long while. As I have, officially, been seen by a doctor and declared to be at least somewhat sound, I believe you can all trust me now not to break this particular promise. I won't be saying "Goodbye" to anyone, because this is not a goodbye. It is just a pause, that's all. And anyway, you will all be able to read more of my thoughts soon enough.

Also, one last thing occurred to me yesterday. The way I deal with things that I find hard to think about is I look at them through a harmless lens, usually an episode of an animated series that I like. And I think this whole adventure that started with me as this somewhat nervous and whimsical character and ended with me genuinely seeming to unnerve people with occultism is summed up, perfectly, by a particular episode of (you guessed it...) My Little Pony. Seriously, if anyone wants to know how I think, keep this whole adventure in mind if you decide watch this episode, it's one of my favourites and I think, over the past month, I have realised why

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23iiX-jzAgc

I'm trying really, really hard not to post on the forums right now, so I won't be saying anything else, but I wanted to say that I am really sorry I didn't get to answer your points, they were actually really interesting and I would have done so under any other opportunity. But that was around the time I got messages from (very nice) people who said that they were genuinely convinced by my story and everything just started spinning which is why I tried to disengage.

Also, I don't want people to think I wanted any of this to happen. Because I didn't. Believe me, I would much, much, much rather remain the "eccentrical, whimsical brony". But if I did that, I would just live the rest of my life in fear of what could happen to people here if someone else got a hold of the site. I wasn't even fully thinking about these things when I went through my whole manic-pyschosis, literally my brain felt like it was on fire ("I am the god that sets a fire in the head"), I honestly didn't have a conception of time, my dreams literally bled in with reality, the whole incident felt like it lasted a day and I was actually shocked when I saw "26 days" next to one of my posts. 

Look, if you're going to go with the infantile, childish, brainrot insults, at least use the word "malodorus", not "odorous". "Odorous" is clearly a neutral term, not technically a term of insult.

See? I've educated you now, for free! I don't expect thanks, but this does help to increase my karma and that's reward enough for me.

Everything with my real-world commitments have been taken care of. I genuinely did have very important things to deal with, which I had been neglecting, and I really do wish people would take me seriously when I try to explain these things, but it’s all done now. I have made an appointment to see a medical professional, even though I am unconvinced that I need to do so, but I said I would do so and I will. And I will copy over my stories too, now that the issues have all cleared.

All the major issues with the whole incident I have gone over with my Gazette interview (and the questions I was asked were all very clever and comprehensive ones). Everyone, even if they strongly disagree, will understand exactly what took place if you read that.

There is one thing, however, that is incredibly important and I am glad some people have picked up on. And that is that many of the things I have been looking up on the internet are not healthy and can contribute to serious incidents like this one. You cannot know how relieved I am that people here understand that, and how that one realisation makes all of this worth it. Because this is the main point that contributed to my terror.

Never before has it been possible to, when you feel like it, randomly spend time looking up seriously dangerous occult literature. Never in history. I have dealt with it in what I believe to me an ultimately healthy, if very eccentric, kind of way. But I strongly suspect there are people out there who have done what I have done, who do not have the same good intentions and have not dealt with it in a healthy way. People can tell from my stories that I do not intend to do anyone any harm…but there are people out there who do intend harm. And my worry is that the number of these people will continue to grow.

And there is a strong danger these people will start coming to sites like this. Now people know. Now people are starting to realise just how precarious the situation is.

So I honestly believe the members of this site are extremely lucky in this regard. I get the impression that people are now somewhat scared, or at least unsettled, by me. People are upset, scared, angry and frustrated. This is good, this is very good. Because now you know how I feel. Because, like I said, there are far,far worse people out there than I. And I deeply worry that such people, at least as apparently insane as I am but far, far worse intentioned, will find this site in the future. I hope everyone can understand exactly why I went through what I did.

Even if I am wrong, even if this site lasts until the end of time and some seriously depraved and evil occultist weirdo who makes me look like the most normal person on planet earth never finds this place, the mere 3% possibility that something like that could happen to people who I actually deeply care about and owe vast amounts towards, is enough for me to think to myself that this whole situation was worth it. People can mock and joke and insult all day long, but the idea of the possibility is there. And people are starting to become aware of it.

One more thing...intelligence is a virtue, and therefore stupidity is an evil. I think people don't realise this. But this relates to the Ontological Argument for God, where God has all the "good" qualities, including wisdom, and the Devil has as many "bad" qualities as possible, including stupidity. Stupidity is a form of evil.

If you really, really want to know who I am, who I have become...this is the closest example I can find:

https://youtu.be/lejZAwxrqRI?t=49

Algorithms, as a general trend, might show some good things and some bad things, but the general trend overtime is towards "bad" things, because "panic" just is an easy way to get peoples' attention. I honestly believe that interacting with algorithms, at all, is bad. This, as with everything I am saying, is a long-term kind of thing, because statements like "They can funnel people towards good things just as well as harmful ones, they're just a tool." show me that you're clearly not considering the long term effects of such things. 

And I think Iris is a perfect example of what happens to people who think like this. The blatant, pointless nitpicking which shows me he does not understand even the most basic concept of "metaphor" or "allegory" , the casual mean-spirited insults. Genuinely, the reason why I post this is because I do not want people to turn into this sort of thing. But of course, at this point, I'm just glad I have absolutely, positively changed some peoples' lives for the better, and that I am directly responsible for creating a world with fewer people like Iris in it. My conscience is clear at last, thank God.

"How dare the algorithm show me things I enjoy!" It will slowly, imperceptibly turn everything you enjoy to rot. 

Just, read my Gazette interview when it comes out and watch this video here from someone who understands what I'm talking about ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vY2B0b6Gc88 )

I don't think I will be visiting the forums much anymore, you'll all be happy about that. It's like, I actually do enjoy quite a bit of the mocking and insults, like EndMaster's and especially Mizal's because I do think they are actually quite eerily insightful. But people like Iris...this is just levels of utterly infantile brainrot that I can't deal with. And when a brony is calling you "infantile", then you know something is seriously wrong. It's people like him that make me feel like a babysitter, and make me say things like I did before, really, it is.

If I'm upsetting people, I'll stop. I seem to be very good at doing that, lately.

I think people should choose topics for themselves that they are interested in, and rather than unconsciously subscribe to forums or online videos guided by algorithms to manipulate their interest, people should read books or at least look up these things manually rather than unconsciously listen or consume them.

I wasn't expecting to have a full manic religious breakdown. It's not that I'm refusing to see a doctor, it's that I genuinely have real world commitments that I have been seriously neglecting due to the aforementioned breakdown.

" "and this is how you learn to be like me" is that, to be blunt, right now absolutely nobody wants that. "

Thank you for that, and I mean that very sincerely. Because after that manic breakdown I just had, I am trying quite hard to think about things that make me sad to try and cool everything down. And that is one of the things that actually does make me very sad, because the reason I can't interact with anyone in real life or online is that I know, deep down, that nobody really wants to be like me.