Player Comments on The War of the Woods

Firstly, I give you props for creating a main character who is not, at the start, a fearless badass ready to wreck his enemies. Harlan came across as a surprisingly relatable protagonist with a very realistic sense of fear that came across in his choices and thoughts.

However, while I found this story an excellent attempt for a first try, it still comes across as unfinished. There are several links that lead to unfinished pages and a few grammatical errors sprinkled throughout. If you messed up a link, you can remove it in the editor and then delete the page that it used to link to - I recommend doing so, because seeing a page that says 'I messed up this page' really breaks the story immersion.

Next time, try to make your story a little longer before you publish it. I tried a few different paths in yours and I think even the longest path barely gave us enough time to get to know our protagonist and figure out what was going on in the world he lived in. Which was a shame - the idea of a war between all the mythical creatures was really interesting and I wanted to see more. It would also have been incredible if you showed Harlan slowly developing as a character, going from the terrified recruit he starts as into a battle-hardened veteran or something. The story has a Narnia-like feel to it, except instead of friendship, everyone wants to kill each other.

So all in all, you have a lot of potential as a writer in my opinion, and I'll be looking forward to your future work, whether it be on this story or any others you might write!

The overall effect is as if I picked up a fantasy novel, opened it to the middle, and read a few pages before closing the book.

You started us right in the middle of a battle. I understand the idea of beginning the story with action, but what you've ended up with is confusing. It seems as though there is a definite backstory to this-- that you, the author, know what's going on -- but as the reader, I needed more information. Who are the armies? Why are they at war? Why is Harlan fighting if he hates it so much?
You've tried to make Harlan an actual character. He has a personality that comes through in both the writing and the choices.
The endings just sort of. . . happen. It's difficult to determine which choices might lead to "good" outcomes. There's no actual plot here, just a series of more-or-less random events.
Both the beginning and the end need more development.
A tiny quibble: if you couldn't figure out how to fix the issue with the page at the beginning, you probably could have thought of something better to do with it than simply posting "this page is broken." One suggestion would be some backstory, explaining about the war.

For a first game it shows a lot of promise and potential. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do next.

I FINALLY WON!

This is a pretty interesting game. I like the fact that the character is not, in fact, a ruthless killing machine, but a bear that has feelings and gets scared. Good job.

interesting storyline, playing as a bear was different at least. was quite short, needed more detail and maybe more background information 5/8

A fun little game.

5/8

This storygame has a lot of potential.
First of all, it wouldn't hurt to make it longer. I hardly spotted any grammatical mistakes, and it had an interesting plot.
But, as I said, it's not very long. I would have rated it higher if it had been just a little bit longer. I'm glad you're making a longer, and I'll be sure to check it out.
Rating:
4/8

This is my first one... and I'm currently making a longer one.

It was a nice shot story but the plot wasn't great, it just sort of ended. On the Wait for the intruder page, the medic "Cuts me loose", cuts me from what exactly?

Could've been a little longer. Still, I love the fact that you included a biological analysis of what happens when people fall out of a net at 15 feet high and hit their heads. :)

The story was interesting, but there were several broken links - some of which you acknowledged - that were rather annoying. Some of the links also seemed circular, so I was temporally confused as to the timing of events.

Post how you died?
Beheaded by a fairy.
I know it's not the best, but it is my first one. I was going to make it 12 times more variety, but I decided one character was easier than 12.