Contest entry.

The story of a noob who entered a writing contest.

The story of someone who tried to enter a writing contest.

https://goo.gl/images/AiwPsM

Every comment on this story is gold.  I have been laughing for five minutes straight.  For the record, I gave it a rating of seven, not eight.

I enjoy the point around the page 'Never, never, never give up' where the author's typing ability starts disintegrating completely, really giving the impression the keyboard was being frantically mashed, perhaps with vision blurred by tears of regret for all the time wasted while rivulets of mascara cascaded down their cheeks. Just adds a nice touch of realism. 

I was wondering if anyone would be moved at the last minute to throw out the contest theme completely and bash something completely random together to attempt to save their worthless points. Frankly I'm just grateful it was Cricket and not me. 

I hope the judges and reviewers will look kindly upon this 1000 word apology/feeble excuse offered up by this squirming insect (Name/avatar appropriate! Another nice touch!) but either way, Cricket, today you are better than Ebon and should feel proud. 

(You were right btw that you're not really well known enough to have gotten custom insults if you had wound up as just another SHAMED noob...however reading the other comments I see going above and beyond has already gotten you noticed and reaped rewards there. We can only assume that you and Corgi will forever haunt each other's most erotic nightmares.)

-- mizal on 6/1/2018 5:33:48 PM with a score of 0

I am sorry to ask this, but was the title of this story based on the story itself? I don’t really understand. The contest was supposed to be about giving the reader “the feels” and have an emotional reaction to reading the story. I guess “ugh” is a feeling. 

The idea behind the story is nice, but I’m not sure how it fit into the contest at all. That said, the idea could be fleshed out quite a great deal more to make it effective and useful. And the story starts out rather poorly with the classic, “Pick the right choice or die.” That’s really not needed in these stories, and certainly not in a story that’s competing for a contest here. If you’re going to add choices to the story, those choices should have an effect on the story, not just be quick endings to get out of the story. 

The writing is good, as is the structure. I’m not sure about the options in the story. Basically every option appears to be “Choose the correct choice or you lose.” And in every case, the correct choice is quite obvious. And yes, there are simply too few options in this story to be an effective story. I’d suggest you work more with the story, develop comprehensive choices and options, and have those options have a clear effect on the story. Thank you for sharing this with the site, and I encourage you to write more, but perhaps without a contest and deadline so that you can more fully develop a story. 

-- Ogre11 on 6/1/2018 11:12:41 PM with a score of 0

It's certainly entertaining, though short. There are a few typos here and there but nothing so horrible that it stood out. As I can see in your comment, you happen to be one of the people who you mock in your story for "writing eight hours before the deadline" in the Winner's Ending. I found that quite amusing. 

Overall, I cave it a 3. It is only 1,000 words after all, and I feel like this would have been a lot better if you had the time to flesh it out. You should also specify in the first page that it is the application deadline you are looking at (the one that you say is in a couple of hours) rather than the contest deadline, as it makes for a very confusing timeline. It isn't badly-written though. I feel like given more time and effort, you could produce something of substance. I look forward to reading your stories in the future ^_^

-- Leora on 6/1/2018 2:51:49 PM with a score of 0

And, not only that, but you commented on your own story and gave yourself an 8 rating? I take back anything even remotely nice I could have said in my last comment. 
You sir, are the worst kind of noob, and I hope you rot in Noob Hell.

-- corgi213 on 6/1/2018 2:24:31 PM with a score of 0

So first you say the contest deadline is in a few hours, but then later go on to say it is in a couple of months? 
Honestly it seems like you created this storygame, ignored it the whole time, then only wrote it within the last couple of hours before the deadline just to avoid the pit of shame. 
Like the sorry inept fool of a noob that you are. 
Honestly Cricket, next time you could at least be diligent and write a nice 20,000 word entry for the contest? Like you don't seem like you'd be a bad writer, you just need to stop being a lazy piece of shit and the rest will follow. 
Despite avoiding the pit of shame you should still be ashamed of yourself.

-- corgi213 on 6/1/2018 2:23:07 PM with a score of 0

The story was all right, but it was very short, and it had a few typos. 

It seems as if the author wrote this in a few hours late at night.

-- Cricket on 6/1/2018 2:22:46 PM with a score of 0

I really, really wanted to give this an 8.

-- Fluxion on 6/1/2018 10:59:38 AM with a score of 0

This is not the story I intended to write, but it is a story.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/ineptitude

Thank you.

My point is that it is not difficult to illegally obtain guns.  

There are certain drugs that are entirely illegal.  People still use them.

Other drugs are legal in some cases but not in others.  The people who get them with a prescription sell them to those that cannot.  Why would guns would be different?

The Bill of Rights does not tell us what rights we are given by the federal government.  It tells us what rights may never be taken away.

Others have pointed out that decreased gun homicides does not equal decreased total homicide.  I would like to add that the countries often brought up in gun-control discussions are in a very different geographical situation than the United States.

The U.S. is not an island nation and has thousands of miles of undersecured border.

Ditto on the government thing.

In the United States at least, banning any specific type of gun or guns in general is unrealistic.

Nothing can completely stop people from buying guns, and if someone wants to kill someone, they won't stop to worry about going to prison for illegal gun possession.  

I understand many supporters of gun-control were raised in a different environment with a different attitude toward guns.  To them, guns are for associated with gangs and other criminal activity, but there are many others for whom guns are a positive thing associated with protection and recreation.

It's rather humorous how many of my ancestors from one side of the family got kicked out of where they lived-- usually for religious reasons, but I'm also descended from Rollo.

This one is my favorite so far.

One of my ancestors was a Huguenot minister who was killed by Indians in Nova Scotia.

Another was kicked out of Plymouth colony.

Yes, give him a hug.