GatekeeperRose, The Reader

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11/15/2019 4:09 PM

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Hey hi. I'm an attention whore with social anxiety. 


insert dramatic title here the titlening

Vampires are enslaved, werewolves are imprisoned, spellcasters heavily restricted, and shapeshifters are exploited. "Hero teams" have been formed to promote equality and acceptance, but it's hard to believe in heros when everything just seems to fuck you over again and again.

Play as a vampire going by the name of Blaze after an event nearly kills him for the second time in this modern fantasy world. Other characters can also be unlocked, to play through the story from a different perspective! All art is drawn by me.

Recent Posts

Hello! Again. wups. on 10/29/2019 4:48:01 AM

Thanks, but I think you're being a little overly dramatic, buddy. It's just taking me a while to adjust to CYS people since I've been hanging out with gays and the equivalent of cog-ites for the past year.

Hello! Again. wups. on 10/28/2019 11:02:27 PM

yup, that was the joke

Taco Loco's Special on Dysphoria on 10/28/2019 10:45:06 PM

Good luck on your ruins project! And thanks for that link to the brain research. I'll stop using 'transgender people have brains structured like their desired gender' argument until there's more research done in that area, since it seems pretty uncertain right now. 

Thank you for your concern too! If I do end up regretting the decision in the future, that's my problem I guess. But as I am right now, testosterone is still something I want to pursue. If you want to talk about transgender things again though, lemme know and I'll gladly continue talking about it.

Taco Loco's Special on Dysphoria on 10/28/2019 10:25:51 PM

that's the plan

Hello! Again. wups. on 10/28/2019 10:20:15 PM

Oh no! it's gone! What happened?

Hello! Again. wups. on 10/28/2019 10:18:16 PM

I forgot my old password and instead of clicking the "I forgot my password" button I made a new account. Very logical thing to do.

Taco Loco's Special on Dysphoria on 10/28/2019 5:14:21 AM

yup, that was the joke

Hello! Again. wups. on 10/28/2019 5:13:23 AM

I am now questioning everything my parents ever told me, thank you mizal. 

Taco Loco's Special on Dysphoria on 10/28/2019 5:10:55 AM

The "why" part is because I want to feel more comfortable with myself. I do think that if it's for attention or not fitting sterotypes, then it is not transgender. This skews data very frequently - people who identify as transgender, but aren't actually transgender, and will stop identifying as transgender at the first sign of negative effects. If you're not trans, then starting hormones or getting surgery will give you dysphoria. That being said, I personally don't have a problem with people who don't have dysphoria socially transitioning, even if they shouldn't physically transition. With social transitioning, all that's changing is names and pronouns and how they dress. That doesn't hurt anyone, even if it does end up being just a phase. *shrugs*

For me, I have dyphoria mostly around my face and voice. Those two are ones that are present every day. My voice sounds wrong to me, constantly. I also have days where I enjoy having feminine curves, and other days where just seeing it on myself feels very intensely wrong to me. If it were just voice and boobs, then there's easy solutions to those - voice training and chest binders. On my bad days, I do feel more comfortable with myself and function easier with a chest binder. But it's not just voice and boobs, there's a whole host of other little things that just feel wrong. Hips, neck, thighs. These are present very regularly, but not every day for me. Testosterone redistributes fat in your body, from hips and thighs to your midsection, as well as giving a physical adam's apple that voice training doesn't do. This is also something I've been feeling for several years. It's everything combined that's making me pursue testosterone instead of other options.

I've done a lot of my own research into this, about risks, benefits, and origins. There's also an ungodly long screening process (it's been a year since I've started trying to get testosterone, and I'm nearly there), which weeds out the exact people you've listed. People confusing gender and sexuality, attention seeking, sterotypes. The people who actually start a physical transition generally don't regret it. It's rare for people who have started physically transition to want to detransition - out of these 22,725 patients, there were only 62 that wanted to detransition. The long term mental health problems you've listed are usually because of how people treat those that are transgender - with abuse, discrimination, exclusion, and judgment - not because of what they've done to themselves. Transgender people who are accepted for what they are and treated like a normal person actually do find a decrease in anxiety and depression.  Bullying and abuse is most likely what causes the depression and anxiety in transgender individuals.

Also, 'limb dysphoria' is body integrity image disorder (BIID). Dysphoria is solely about gender/sex, dysmorphia is usually about your physical appearance and feeling 'too ugly' to the point where you're self harming to feel pretty (anorexia is a common example), phantom limb is when an amputee feels a limb is there that isn't there, and BIID is when you want a healthy limb cut off to 'feel whole'. All four of these things are very different, and have different origins. Dysmorphia can be from peer pressure, sterotypes, and perception. Dysphoria is not. BIID is still something people are puzzling over and trying to figure out, whether it's a phycological, neurological, or a sexual fantasy (apotemnophilia), and is extremely rare. 

It's also been found that transgender people generally have brains that function similarly to their desired gender rather than what they were assigned at birth. That gives it an actual, physical, foundation instead of it just being something that is developed like ptsd, or caused by perception or trends like dysmorphia can be. Something with a physical foundation needs a physical treatment. This also leads me to believe that "rapid onset gender dysphoria" is either people who've been feeling that way for a long time and only just now know the words for it, or they might not actually be transgender. However, I do not know how 'non-binary' or 'genderfluid' plays into this, and it may end up being that I fully transition to male. I don't know. That's a decision for future me, all I know is what I need right now and the best words I have to describe myself right now.

There is very little research on the long term effects of puberty blockers, and I agree that at this point in time, puberty blockers should not be used on anyone (I mean, anything other than the original use of the medication). As time goes on and more research is done, there will most likely be a better and safer alternative than our current puberty blockers.

Also, please be mindful of your sources and inherent bias in articles like that. Generally, '.com' (short for 'commercial') is used to promote a specific message and will exaggerate certain statistics, pull research from questionable sources, or minimize contradictory numbers to help make their specific message more alarming. This would have been a better source to cite against puberty blockers. You can find these by throwing "" in your google search, and it will exclude all sites that have '.com' in it. I usually throw in a '' (network) too.

Hello! Again. wups. on 10/27/2019 7:15:43 PM

Waiting to happen? It happened the moment my parents fell in love over World Of Warcraft. I am a trainwreck.