Megumeme, The Reader
I'm Megumeme, and really I'm just here to read good stories and possibly make a name for myself with my own. I focus on writing and reading fantasy or realistic adventure or horror. Yes, I know they're completely different genres, but they're what I've found I enjoy writing the best.
I'm a freshman in high school, so with homework, sports, and practicing for band, I don't always have the most time in the evenings to log on.
I'm working on Halo, or Hell, no! If you want to check it out click that link. If you've got any, I could really use the feedback, just remember it's a work in progress and nowhere near a finished product. Just message me if you have any concerns/recommendations. My goal was to have one of the major branches done this year, but I decided to rework the pacing so that the end doesn't come so quickly.
I also love to proofread so if you have anything I can look over, I'd be happy to help out.
Recent Activity: Thanks to Shadowdrake, Chef, and Reader, I'm back on track and writing again. I'm revising Part 1 for now.
Would you prefer to be an angel or a demon after you've died? Would you rather be a bloodthirsty warlord or a sneaky reconnaissance agent? In this storygame, you have many choices that will greatly impact the flow of the story, with a unique path for each new branch.
Your score represents the ending you got.
I should mention that the first two choices offered in the set of four you receive result in a game-end. They are simple endings that do not represent the length of the rest of the story. They are there simply for smaller ideas that do not reflect the rest of the story.
A quick warning: there are quite a few vivid descriptions of you dying (there's quite a few ways to die as well), so if you're not cool with that, get gud skrub.
Gower for the title.
Mizal and Chef for their great advice.
Shadowdrake for his amazing critque and proofreading.
The world offers many temptations, and the consequences can be grave.
You play as the angel Remiel. You live comfortably in Heaven. Your requests are met with haste, and you can have anything Heaven can offer.
But you're not satisfied.
As will go for most of my writing in the future, this story will have only choices that will greatly impact the plot. The only exception to this is choices that simply give you more information.
This will be my first published storygame, so feel free to let me know all that I can improve so that I can integrate it into my future writing. All criticism and comments are appreciated. :)
We were always told that Lake Mercy was an unholy place. Its name floated through the town like a poisonous fog. We thought they were myths; just tall tales spread to scare the children away from the mines.
We were wrong.
As is usual for my writing, the story will be largely linear. There will be important choices throughout, though they will be spaced out.
This story is very short. I don't expect it to do well due to that fact, but I don't feel it requires a great deal of elaboration for the topic.
Recent PostsTechNOIR 2: AKA Out Of Ideas, Making Sequels on 1/18/2020 1:16:02 AM
Hey Chris! I love this idea and I'd like to help out where I can. Here's some feedback for this page. Hope it helps!
"Within dreams, you remember.
Walking into a cramped and secluded alleyway for a business deal."
This first line is a fragment. I can kind of see what you were going for, but it doesn't flow well and feels choppy. I'd finish the second sentence.
"Walking into a cramped and secluded alleyway for a business deal. This client values his secrecy, wanted to meet in a neutral place; you agreed. When you arrived he was smoking a cigarette, trying to look casual for the non-existent pedestrians; no one came here who mattered, not until now at least."
This is good, but you use a semicolon to separate independent clauses twice in a row. I'd use a conjunction the first time.
"You nod, he continues."
I'd split this into two different sentences since this is a comma splice.
"He lights it, takes a drag; exhales and looks you in the eye."
There shouldn't be a semicolon here, just a comma.
"You nod, then turn your back on him to walk away. Then stop at the mouth of the alley, turning your head over your shoulder to look him in the eye."
The second sentence isn't complete. I suggest "You nod, then turn your back on him to walk away. You stop at the mouth..."
Overall, I love this. The mood setting is excellent and I can perfectly picture the environment. The occasional poetic descriptions really help to sharpen the image and don't seem out of place. I'm looking forward to the full release!
2019: Objective Weighing of Value thread on 1/14/2020 9:17:44 PM
Try as she might, Thara won't discourage me :)
CYS Mentor Program - (Beta) on 1/12/2020 3:05:11 PM
I guess I'll sign up for this as a mentee. I need some kind of outside motivation to actually get some writing done, and having reliable feedback would be extremely helpful for me.
Hello! I'm new, nice to meet you all! on 1/3/2020 1:39:51 PM
Welcome. I like the av.
CYS Discord: Now with flying cars! on 1/3/2020 1:36:06 PM
I'll just chill here for a bit and praise Endmaster so that hopefully she won't kick me again.
CYS Discord: Now with flying cars! on 1/3/2020 1:07:44 PM
Well I can't use the invite link
CYS Discord: Now with flying cars! on 1/3/2020 12:54:34 PM
Did I just get banned?
New Here. on 1/2/2020 4:43:49 AM
Awesome. I revoke my statement about you not looking good, you seem pretty promising as a useful member of CYS society.
New Here. on 1/2/2020 4:40:51 AM
And when you do that, do try your best to leave an honest rating and a somewhat insightful review. Authors really appreciate when you leave something more than just "it was good" or "yeet" and actually let them know what you as a reader think they can improve. Also, don't let the current rating sway you. If you really think it's bad but it has an overall 4, don't be afraid to give it a 1 or 2.
New Here. on 1/2/2020 4:29:10 AM
Well you're already not looking good. Make sure you read things and lurk around for a bit before you start posting a lot.
I recommend that you read several of the high rated storygames or check out Mizal's list in the Help & Info tab. It wouldn't be a bad idea to read some of the other articles in there as well.
So basically, lurk around for a while and don't cause an annoyance.