TurnipBandit, The Contributor

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6/17/2019 12:13 AM

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CYS: Vault Stories! on 6/16/2019 6:07:32 PM

(I hope you guys don't mind me writing one. I haven't been here very long, so I might get some stuff wrong, but it was a lot of fun. Please feel free to critique it and let me know how I can improve. Oh and I used everyone's profile pictures as a reference for how they look. And Mizal, I wasn't sure if you wanted your name capitalized so I just decided to capitalize it. I hope thats okay.)

Bang Bang Bang

A loud pounding reverberated through the bunker. Corgi, angry to be woken from their nap, began barking wildly at the new sound.

“Sounds like someone is at the door,” says the cloaked figure in the corner, “I wonder if these ones are fucktards or faggots.”

Briar, who had been looking at the surveillance screen with great fascination, turns to the cloaked figure. “Looks like they’re some CoGites! ^_^”

“So both fucktards AND faggots. Let Mizal deal with it. Turnip, you’re the noob, go get Mizal and tell her we have company.”

I slowly walk through the long corridor leading to the mess hall and come across a gruesome sight. A poor jackfruit has been carved up and deseeded, its innards lying in a bowl and covered with raw onions. It’s seeds, once strong and firm, are being boiled alive in pots. And its rind, once protection for the mighty fruit, is now being used as pauldrons for the killer which stands before me. I almost vomit, but manage to keep my composure and utter a weak, “Excuse me, Mizal?”

“Oh Turnip, I didn’t notice you. We’re going to have a good dinner tonight. Ever had a jackfruit?”

“N-no, we didn’t have those in the desolate wastes of Russia…”

“Well you're in for a treat. Its like a pineapple mixed with a mango. You’ll love it. So whats up?”

“The Dark One sent me. There’s some CoGites at the door and they aren’t leaving.” The smile from her face drops as she hears this.

“Alright, lets go. I swear if this is one of Cricket’s tricks I’m going to squash that little bug…” A faint chirping, almost sounding like a laugh, emanates from somewhere in the room.

As we reach the entrance it is clear that the situation has escalated. The banging has grown louder and more frantic, and Corgi seems to have run into the wall in a hyperactive fit, knocking themselves out. Mizal steps over the dog and up to the microphone to talk to the CoGites outside. Briar, who had been talking to the CoGites in an attempt to compromise, hands the mic over with a simple, “I thought they might be good ones :P” Mizal presses the red button on the microphone and speaks.

“You approach the mighty CYStian bunker, property of the Kingdom of CYStia! For what reason do you disturb our mighty kingdom?”

Their leader, a whiny and craven being in a plague doctors outfit, introduces himself. “My name is Exeldgamer! I lead these brave souls of the CoG Resistance to your bunker in an attempt to seek refuge. Our former leader, Jason the Cuck, banished us for making a joke about trans people and now we have nowhere to go. We have no food and no water, and the zombies from the IntFiction vault are roaming around. You have to help us! Please!”

Mizal stands silent for a moment. Finally, she speaks. “If you can write me a 1000 word short story we’ll let you into the bunker.”

Exeldgamer was taken aback. “Are you crazy? 1000 words just to get into a dumb bunker? That’s completely unreasonable. There is no way anybody could write 1000 words. I’m not doing it.”

“Then I guess you’ll stay out there in HELL.” Mizal calmly stated. She muted the screen and began her walk back to the kitchen. After all, those jackfruits wouldn’t be preparing themselves. I watch the screen, horrified as the dreaded IntFiction zombies devour the CoGite’s one by one. As I watch, I feel some sympathy for them. After all, I was like them once. Blinded by the CoGite lies until I was cast aside like garbage. And as I watch the last CoGite be devoured, I hear the cloaked figure utter three wise words.

“Lol, what faggots.”

50 words story thread. on 6/16/2019 10:59:57 AM

Thanks. I was trying to use the Fall of Constantinople as my subject, but I suppose it can also be just as easily read as the Sacking of Rome. 

And I really enjoyed your story. It was very moving. The imagery used with regards to the weather was also very descriptive and did a good job at conveying a sort of beauty and peace in an otherwise horrific and painful moment. Excellent work.

Why Are You Gay? (Pride Month) on 6/16/2019 1:16:00 AM

Well, he was quite occupied with his harem of sex slaves. And there was that one goat with the pretty eyes... Anyway, no time for that hag Aisha.

But in all seriousness, it gets a lot creepier since the hadith (essentially a record of Muhammad's deeds and word's split into six volumes) Bukhari goes out of its way to explain just how childlike Aisha was. It goes into detail about her playing with dolls with her friends and asking very childlike questions. It's very disturbing to read.

50 words story thread. on 6/16/2019 12:43:50 AM

I didn't really like my last story, but I liked the idea, so I hope you guys don't mind me reusing the idea for this story. Hopefully this one will be better.

As I slowly bleed out, I realize the End Times must be upon us. The churches are desecrated, the nuns lie crying and ravaged, and demons roam through the streets. And as the light fades from my eyes, so to does the light of the Romans fade from this world.

Why Are You Gay? (Pride Month) on 6/15/2019 4:04:47 PM

Yes, his wife Aisha. She was married to him at around 6 years old and at around 9 years old they consumated their marriage. Muhammad was in his mid 50's by then.

50 words story thread. on 6/14/2019 10:54:31 PM


I look upon the Chi Rho and weep.


I look upon the women and worry.


I look upon the cross and pray.


I look upon the door and stand.


I look upon the heathens and scowl.


I look upon the Heavenly Kingdom and smile.

Why Are You Gay? (Pride Month) on 6/14/2019 5:12:13 PM

I like when it says, "Also just gonna do y'all a public service and remind you that it takes you much longer to jerk off a reply than it takes me to block you."

I'm starting to think this is just one of Jason's alts at this point. At least a family member. It even has the same last name.

Why Are You Gay? (Pride Month) on 6/14/2019 12:06:34 PM

Oh I didn't know that. Here let me try it.


Edit: Yes it worked! You're the best mizal!

Why Are You Gay? (Pride Month) on 6/14/2019 11:44:52 AM

Just incase you wanted to read something funny and unhinged, Jason over on Choice of Games posted this link to an unhinged trans person ranting about the Cyberpunk 2077 cover. Of course, Jason agreed with them. The whole twitter thread is gold. Remember, having a white man on the cover is literally oppression.


Edit: Dang links still not clickable. One day I'll figure this out.

Edit 2: And EndMaster, mizal, DarkAuthor, Fluxion, and Avery_Moore thank you for the answers to my previous question. I enjoyed reading them very much.

Why Are You Gay? (Pride Month) on 6/13/2019 7:44:00 PM

Well, I said I was done rambling and promised myself I would take a break from posting but I was hoping somebody could help explain this to me. Because I doubt the individuals on CoG will be very accommodating especially with Laguz lurking around like the little weasel he is.

So I was wondering something and it's really been bugging me for a while. So I was on the Games thread on CoG and a user brought up their frustration with not being able to be trans in Cyberpunk 2077. Now, this is a common trend with these people on CoG. You see them want the option to play as trans or be trans in their games. My question is, why wouldn't they just play as the gender they identify with? If they think they are women, then surely they should love playing as a woman and having nobody question your identity, right? Now, they have been very clear that there can be no trans discrimination in games. So how would they implement being trans? Because you can't make their character models be ugly, as that is discrimination. Do they just want every character to say, "Oh you are so brave for being trans! Great work player!"? And in an RPG or CYOA where gender tends to be a cosmetic or even just arbitrary choice, can't they just role play that they are the gender they wish to be? Surely if you can immerse yourself in being an elf or orc you can imagine you are the gender you already identify with. What do (or at least what do you guys think) they want? I guess I'm kind of confused as to why there is ever a need for more than two genders if trans people identify as one of those two genders anyway.