TurnipBandit, The Dramatist

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10/18/2019 10:30 PM

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0 wins / 3 losses





Hello. I'm TurnipBandit, but most people on here just call me Turnip or TB. If you have any questions about me then feel free to send me a message. I tend to be a pretty open book. 



Quote(s) about me:

"Confirmed that TB has prior experience in creating anthro art." -Cricket

"Yeah, he's adorable! He was wasted on CoG, so I stole him. ^_^" -Avery_Moore


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Recent Posts

Colored Lines and Dark Tunnels on 10/1/2019 9:14:44 PM

I don't think this is a surprise to anyone but this story is on an indefinite hiatus. It probably will never be finished, and I don't even know if I'm going to be working on it anymore. I'm not a writer and I tried to write something I couldn't hope to finish. And it all feels so unoriginal and uninspired now. 

I don't know. There is more going on right now with me. Maybe that is coloring my perception or maybe I really do hate this story now. But this isn't a fucking blog about my feelings and in the end it doesn't matter. I can't keep having this story and thread on my mind. It just makes me feel like shit to see how long it's been since the last part. So I might as well announce that I'm not working on it, on the off chance anybody still thought that I was.

So I'm sorry to those of you that cared. I didn't want to let this get buried without any word. I know there are those of you that cared. I still don't know what I want to do with the forum. It isn't very good for me lately. I don't think I'll be very active even if I'm around. So I'm sorry if I don't respond to anything anyone might say in the thread or on the forum in general. 

Thanks to everyone that read this story. I'm sorry it will probably never be done. I hope you all do well.

Defeat my Students! on 9/19/2019 2:56:57 PM

I did realize that many of the sentences appeared correct. I just thought that the directions were telling me I had to punctuate them anyway. I took the directions literally and looked like a fool because of it. And I own up to that.

Defeat my Students! on 9/19/2019 2:51:03 PM

Well, I thought that since the directions stated to "Please punctuate each sentence correctly by adding commas, semicolons, and quotation marks" that each sentence had something wrong with it. 

Defeat my Students! on 9/19/2019 2:45:23 PM

I wasn't aware we were allowed to leave any of the sentences alone, so I tried punctuating things I thought were correct.  And I got knocked down half a point because I wound up spelling "Fridays" as "Friday's". Guess I should have just copy and pasted things.

CYS Book Club: Book Five on 9/16/2019 8:07:35 PM

So, I really did like The Daemonologists a lot. I really wasn't as bothered by a lot of the problems some other people had with it, although I can certainly see why they had those problems.

I think that while it was certainly much more of a story than a game, the story made up for the lack of game. I understand that that isn't exactly a popular mindset given that this is a CYOA site, but still. The amount of detail and care put into the world and its people was extremely impressive to me. Everything felt so real, like the people had real personalities and beliefs. A lot of times characters in stories can feel like, well, characters instead of real people. And since lots of comparisons have been made to Father Leofwine is Dead, I will say that this is also praise I had for that story. Characters like Dr. Hopkins and Peter felt like people I could have met in real life, not just in some fantasy world.

I also really liked Seria. I never really felt like she was necessarily malevolent, even knowing she was a succubus. The relationship between her and the main character was kind of sweet, in a weird and sort of messed up way. I know lots of people had an issue with the scene where we kill our father but honestly I didn't. I guess I always got the impression that we already hated our father. And then he pretty much admits that he led to our mothers death, albeit indirectly. I mean, I guess I just figure I'd be pretty upset too. And I figured that we were kind of caught up in the moment and didn't really have a chance to process things very well. Hence why we kind of (potentially) have a moment of "What have I done?" during the attack on the school.

Speaking of the attack on the school, I again kind of attributed the demon summoning to us being blinded by rage. We felt betrayed by both our father and the professor who was almost like a surrogate father. Seria, the one who has always been kind and on the level with us (from our perspective) says we should summon help. In our rage and grief, what reason did we have to really doubt her? I mean, as an outside observer it's easy to say, "Yeah, you probably shouldn't be summoning demons" but in that moment I really think our character had a singular goal: To kill Dr. Hopkins, consequences be damned. 

I did wind up sparing Hopkins though on my first playthrough. And killing Seria. And I really wound up feeling bad about it. I believe she really did love us, and her goals were noble if not her methods. It was sad seeing her die. But I feel like it was the only real option. We couldn't be together, no matter how badly we wanted to be. And people don't deserve to die for others mistakes. And I think Seria kind of understood that. At least, she understood that we believed it.

Overall I thought it was an interesting take on the mythology of succubi. I thinks its extremely impressive that the author was able to make this story in such a short time and I had a blast reading it. 

On Receiving Criticism on 9/16/2019 5:46:22 PM

(Just thought of this when I was reading some old posts and thought it could also be valuable advice. Not sure if it is directly related to criticism, more about proofreading and reviewing. And it's more for younger authors than older ones.)

I've heard lots of people say that they had friends and family read their work and say it's great. They often use this as kind of a defense when they are criticized. But while having your friends and family read your work is hardly a bad thing, they may not always be the best judges. 

It is usually best to avoid over reliance on your friends and family for proofreading and judging your work. Often times your friends or peers, especially with younger authors, are at about the same skill level as you. Occasionally they are at a lower skill level. So they will not always be the best judge of your work. They may also be hesitant to criticize your work if they are your friend or family member. And they will many times be biased reviewers. So try not to put an overwhelming amount of faith in your best friend or mother when they tell you your work is the best thing ever. A lot of times the best judges of a work are those who are impartial judges. Now, this was a very broad generalization, but I still think its important to mention.

So while there is nothing wrong with asking your friends or family to read your work, also try to get advice and help from more impartial sources. Like I said previously, the Writing Workshop is a wonderful place for that. People here can be harsh, but they will always be honest with you. And brutal honesty will help your work more than any kind lie.

(Also, please take everything I say with a grain of salt. I'm no great writer, nor do I have a storygame to my name. These are just things I do and believe, and that I think could help others. So if you want to take the advice, thats fine. If not, that's up to you.)

On Receiving Criticism on 9/16/2019 3:40:04 PM

So this is a little something regarding criticism and asking for help with your work. Hopefully it will help some people.

So, I think there's a lot of confusion behind what makes criticism valuable. Is criticism still valuable if they are being mean? If my feelings get hurt, should I still care what the person said? If I don't like the person is their criticism still valid? The answer to all of these is yes.

If someone is harsh or mean a lot of people just ignore it. But I would argue that your harshest critics are your most honest critics. And can be just as valuable if not more valuable than the nice ones. Especially when you are putting your work out for the world to see. If everyone was nice and praised your work, why would you ever strive to get better? Criticism is meant to point out your flaws do that you can figure out where to improve. We humans tend to have a difficult time in seeing our own flaws. After all, if we saw our mistakes we wouldn't have made them in the first place. That is where other people come in.

Now, there is harsh but constructive criticism, and there is being mean. For example: "This story was absolute cancer. The writing was full of grammar and spelling mistakes, I don't believe you even attempted to proofread it, and half the links were broken. Learn to speak English before writing a story." That's harsh but constructive criticism. They stated the issues with the story, pointed out things that you can do to improve it, and told you how they perceived it. It is very valuable. Sure it can be hurtful if you put a lot of hard work into it. But you have to remember that that person took the time to read your work, and decided to give you ways to improve. And if most reviews are harsh, it often means your work needs a lot of improvement. People will be willing to help on the forum as well. You just have to show that you are trying to improve. Nobody here was born a great writer. It takes a lot of hard work and practice. But as long as you make it clear you are trying to improve, and you show at least some effort, most people here will try their best to help you. Me included.

But if someone just said: "Nice story retard. Kill yourself." That is hardly constructive. They didn't say what they felt was wrong with the story, didn't provide ways to better your writing, and are just generally being unhelpful. That is the kind of criticism you can often times ignore, since it won't be much help in improving your work. You will inevitably get these kinds of reviews. It is how it is. You can mostly just forget about them. They aren't really worth your time. But you can't let those reviews make you give up on your story. Just remember that putting work out in the world opens you up to these kinds of reviews. Just try to do your best despite them.

Another important thing to remember is to take people's advice seriously. Somebody who takes the time to write out a long post or review that shows you areas to improve won't really be happy if you simply ignore them. Make an effort to implement the changes they suggest, within reason of course. If somebody tells you that there are a lot of spelling mistakes, fix the spelling mistakes. If someone says that you could use more dialogue, try to write some more dialogue. You don't have to do everything they suggest, of course, but if you ignore all of their suggestions they won't be very inclined to help you in the future. When you ask for somebodies help you have to do your best to work with the person whose helping you. And remember, no matter how harsh they are being, they are taking the time out of their day to point out ways in which you can improve your work. So try not to take their harshness to heart. They are trying to help you after all.

Also, try not to be annoying when asking for help. If you would like someone to help you with proofreading or reviewing your work in progress, there are two usual ways people do it. The best way would be posting in the Writing Workshop. Post a link to your story, or an excerpt you are having an issue with. Ask if people can give their honest advice on it, and be polite. You are asking people to help you after all. Also, if you have questions about their criticism you can ask them to clarify. Maybe post a "revised version" of the paragraph you are having trouble with and asking them if that's better. It is a good way to show that you are taking their advice to heart and trying to improve.

The second way to ask for help is also the one you should probably avoid until you get to know people better. That would be sending them a message. Now, this is a good way if you know somebody well and would like something proofread but are hesitant to share it with the community at large. However, if they say no or that they can't, do not keep messaging them. There is nothing more annoying then getting a bunch of messages from somebody asking to help them when you've already told them no. People are busy around here. Lot's of people have their own work to do. So if they say they can't help right now, stop bugging them. And don't just send a stranger a message saying something along the lines of, "Read my story please!" That isn't normally appreciated.

Finally, don't give up because people said something mean. Everyone here was a noob at one point. Lots of prominent people in the community made games that were panned and rated poorly. You can't give up though. Improve, do better, prove to everyone that said your writing sucked that you can make a good story. And remember that there are lots of people here that will be willing to help you. But that is also a two way street. You need to prove to people that you can take the criticism. That you can use it to improve and do better. Nobody expects you to be a Tolstoy or Shakespeare right off the bat. But you have to show that you are willing to try to be the best writer you can be. And your effort will show others that you are worth helping out. It shows you care.

So I hope this has helped anyone out who reads it. Criticism is a difficult thing to handle, but it is one of, if not the, most valuable things anyone putting out work can receive. You don't have to like it, but you have accept it. And learn how to use it.

Colored Lines and Dark Tunnels on 9/14/2019 12:10:02 AM

Hey, thank you for the review. I'm very happy to hear you enjoyed Part 3. Yeah, the Fallout 3 tunnels are a good visualization for the tunnels. I had hoped to make Part 3 into something that showed some of the darker aspects of the metro, and I'm happy to see it worked. It was a bit of a struggle to find the balance between impactful and needlessly edgy. I'm hoping to put some more subtle dark themes in Part 4. Hopefully I'll have it done soon, but I haven't been doing exceptionally well lately and it has been really getting in the way of writing. But I'll certainly answer your questions:

-Dimitri and Samara aren't related. They have known each other since they were very young though. I'm hoping to go into a bit more about Dimitri's past in the next part actually, since they'll be back in Pushkinskaya, so I won't say too much now. But I hope it cleared things up a bit.

-Stalkers are a bit unique. So, "stalker" is something of an informal name for them. The Commonwealth (the "nation" our protagonists are from) officially calls them "Pathfinders" and uses them to scout and scavenge the maze of tunnels, service routes, and undiscovered stations in the metro. They are not Militia members, however they are sometimes used by the militia as scouts due to their skill and relative expendability. That was what Dimitri and Samara were doing in Parts 2&3. The Militia HQ is also where the Pathfinders go to pick up jobs. I hope this explained things.

Yeah, I tried to allude to some bigger conflicts with the propaganda in the first part. But then again, it's propaganda. Who knows what's true? Other than me I guess. But yeah, I enjoyed writing the combat scenes and the story of Vladimirskaya. Not all the parts will be like that, but it's fun to make some action packed parts every once in awhile.

Thanks for your nice comment. It means a lot to me. And I'm happy to see that people are still interested in this story. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get the next part out.

Sam's Suicidal Saga on 9/11/2019 8:23:19 PM

In case anybody missed this. Somebody pointed out Jason's hypocrisy and he closed the thread and deleted the post. Resizing is hard for me right now, so apologies if it is to big. If somebody would like to fix it or just delete it that's fine by me.

Here's an imgur link if anyone needs it. Link

The Warriors on 9/9/2019 11:48:29 AM

And I'm Russian. Really makes your writing look poor doesn't it? But I'm done trying to help you so here you go: