Mortem

Damn, I REALLY wish you had waited on publishing this. Other than some of the stuff from the superhero contest it's one of the more interesting story concepts I've seen in awhile here, but you've put up an unfinished 1000 word intro.

1.) Put up a real description.

2.) Get a real first page? It's fine if it's brief but if leaving the default text was some kind of stylistic decision, I don't think it was a good one.

3.) You're going to want to actually create a brand new game now and copy everything from this one over. There's not enough here to justify a 'part one' and those annoy people anyway, but if the idea was to take it down later and add to it more, you've shot yourself in the foot because now it's going to be stuck with poor ratings from being posted unfinished, in addition to marked with today as a publishing date. Next time it may not show up on the New Games list at all.

4.) Look up how dialogue tags are punctuated. www.grammarly.com/handbook is a good resource.

5.) If it's feedback on an unfinished project you're looking for, next time don't publish it, just keep the story in sneak peek in your profile and post a link in the Writing Workshop.