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Segway to heaven (prologue)

15 days ago

After the Civilization contest, I want to start with a story to better leaning the editor.  In base of the Succubus contest, any feedback would be  really appreciated.

 

SEGWAY TO HEAVEN

Hollywood Bvd, LA, California 

Buzzing merrily through the posh neon signs and the rowdy  concrete of the street  roughly caressing your rubbers

Your mp3 put all volume on the display of the screen.  Fuming  California dreaming
All the leaves are brown (all the leaves are brown)

twisting and shivering in content trying to hide the excitement humming  wildly and  louder  an Anti Trump message with the hands low in the hard handle

*And the sky is grey (and the sky is grey)
I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk)
On a winter's day (on a winter's day)
I'd be safe and warm (I'd be safe and warm)
If I was in L.A. (if I was in L.A.)*

The humming is Know a Passionate chanting YEAH, FUCK TRUMP... YEAH, HARDER... WE WILL HAVE TO COME HARDER... TO ... SCREW THEM!!"

California dreamin' (California dreamin')
On such a winter's day
Stopped into a church
I passed along the way
Well, I got down on my knees (got down on my knees)

The song stopped as the frenetic pumping has disconnected it,  however, it doesn't matter as everyone in The anti-Trump rally are really enthusiastic about dancing with themselves engulfed in their Segways as rampant missiles blowing up ferociously over Trump...

"YEAH, FUCK YEAH...  TRUMP SUCKS AHHH... YES OH, LORD YEEESSS SUCK THERE TRUMP!!!" 

**ENERGY DROPPING HUMAN LIBIDO IMPEDED BY DRUGS**

This is all nice and dandy ... But, you aren't going get your fuel Hearing this...You have to do something.  Oh, wait, you thought you were the stoned hippie? No, my friend, You are the Segway.

One of the first model of the brand new  ecological energy; Powered by the unlimited power of human orgasms.

Segway to heaven (prologue)

15 days ago
So what you are saying is old men with orange hair in positions of power make you horny?

Segway to heaven (prologue)

15 days ago

No, I am not American and much less a Segway. It will be a satire I will start to write after finish the contest. You control one of this newly created Segway from a rental service. You have to obtain from your clients enough fuel to survive a newer day buy appliances or utensils. Meanwhile,  there goes a political satire with people who is against Orgasmic energy and people than don't.  About Trump, I found him ugly but several hippies of my game have a fetish with him.

Segway to heaven (prologue)

15 days ago

The basic concept of playing an orgasm-powered vehicle is interesting, if a little gross. I'm not sure you should do Segway, thoguh, since that's a registered trademark - maybe make up your own brand. Plus it's a little hard to imagine people being 'engulfed' by scooters or their being popular enough for masses of people to drive.

But I'm not sure I could personally read something where Trump-haters or Trump-supporters orgasm to their hate or love of Trump. It also doesn't make much sense, given the sci-fi technology, unless in your future Trump has found a way to remain president for decades. You could make a political figure inspired by Trump, I suppose.

But given the power source, it might be better to pick either current affairs political satire *or* a game where your machine has to stay fueled up and the lengths you will go to do that. Those would read very differently. I'm not sure they are meshing well together here.

Segway to heaven (prologue)

15 days ago
Hey now, this can just as easily be cutting satire for the 2020 election. You've got to think ahead here. She got the idea from the succubus comp and End saying it didn't have to be the 'standard' kind of succubus, and...it went from there to an orgasm powered Segway. Which is a fun phrase and one I never thought I'd have an opportunity to say. It could just be called an electric scooter I guess but that would ruin the title. Segway is one of those things that's become so ubiquitous anyway, that is just the word for that kind of scooter for a lot of people.

Segway to heaven (prologue)

15 days ago

Yes, at least here is used generically for those type of scooters, it is also a word that gets on the head and people immediately knows what it is. 

It will not be sci-fi, just a middle length game I will do for NaNoWriMo and social satire humour 

Segway to heaven (prologue)

14 days ago

Actually, I guess combining them could work. It's like that silent movie "Sleeper" that has a political rebellion, an orgasmatron, and free love. But then, I only watched a third of that movie - so it's probably just a case of not my preferred genre.

The cannibal Khajits in space one I look forward to, though.